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Parenting

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Original poster

What age gap do you have and why?

61 replies

Ihatewinter321 · 04/02/2021 13:23

I have an 18 month gap between my girls. It is hard but I want to get the newborn stage out of the way as I find it so hard. We want three children and I am deciding when to try for a third. What age gap do you have and why?

OP posts:

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londonmummy1234 · 04/02/2021 14:46

@CaveMum

I remember a work colleague telling me about a friend of hers who was pregnant again by the time of her 6 week post birth check up - twice

She ended up with 3 under the age of 2

The worst bit was that the lady concerned was actually a midwife!

londonmummy1234 · 04/02/2021 14:48

I have a DC 3 years and I'll probably wait another 2 years for the next one. I'm in no rush and early thirties so I guess I still have some time. I'm just enjoying my one for now. I may change my mind and not have another!
I spend ages worrying about the age gap and now I'm just not bothered. What will be will be!

Bythemillpond · 04/02/2021 14:51

18 months as I wanted them to be close in age. I have a sibling but the age gap is so great that I think of myself as an only child and I wished I had the sort of relationship my friends had with their close in age sibling. It sort of took the pressure off when things happened in the family as there was someone else who was going through the same thing and they could help each other whilst I was alone with no one

At 18 months between them mine went to nursery together, they went to school together, they shared a room and get on really well even as adults.

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Waterdropsdown · 04/02/2021 14:51

1 minute between my 2, considering a third but that would leave a 5yr age gap...

MeadowHay · 04/02/2021 15:00

There's really so many pros and cons to every age gap. Plus many people don't have much choice - financial concerns, health, age, relationships, fertility, loss, housing....

I'm pregnant with no.2 and there will be roughly 3yrs 3 months between my two. We were ready and willing to start TTC much earlier so there would have been 2yrs 3 months gap best case scenario. However we felt we had to wait for financial and career reasons - and tbh with covid and lockdowns, I'm not sure I would have actually copied with my mental health if we had actually concieved then so perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. We are not sure if we will have more than 2, but if we do, there will be a bigger gap between 2 and 3 as I will be undergoing years of career study and training soon so would need to complete all that and be in a permanent job before we could begin to TTC another. So the gap would be at least 5 years, probably more like 6+. So then like 9+yrs between eldest and youngest so realistically not sure we will want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights and all that at that point, so I'm guessing we may stick with two.

zoemum2006 · 04/02/2021 15:14

3.11 years. I run my own business and had no maternity leave so needed to be able to juggle everything.

It’s also the gap between me and my sibling so I guess I subconsciously thought it worked.

ParkheadParadise · 04/02/2021 15:17

23 years
Dd2 was a surprise arrival.

angryfedup · 04/02/2021 15:25

20 month gap because of failed contraception. Wasn't sure if we wanted a second one and if we did we would of liked to have waited until the eldest was at least 3 before trying but life works in other ways I guess.

Hirewiredays · 04/02/2021 15:29

2.4 months pretty much between all three of them!

TokyoSushi · 04/02/2021 15:29

22 months. DS was a really difficult baby but I loved him so much and knew that I definitely wanted 2. I also knew that the baby stage nearly broke me and if I put it off then I'd likely not have a second!

So as is my personality, I thought well if I just have the second now, how much worse can it be? It'll all be over at once and I'll have 2 brilliant children. Fortunately, DD was one of those dream babies, and now they're 7 & 9 and not a bit of trouble. It was great to get most of the phases, extended, but only really having to do it all once!

Lemondrops41 · 04/02/2021 15:33

Three years and seven months between my two DC. Started trying for No.2 when first DC was two years old, I wanted two under three. Unfortunately whilst DC1 was conceived straight away it took five months to get pregnant again. I was pregnant for three months then miscarried. It took another four months to conceive DC2. I now have a bigger age gap than I wanted but things don't always go the way you plan them.

AWhistlingWoman · 04/02/2021 15:46

Three DC. Liked the age gap two years, eight months so much, I used it twice 😂

More seriously, older two would have been far closer together but I had a miscarriage and then couldn't fall pregnant.

Younger two would have been further apart but fell pregnant first cycle of ttc that time. Good job as didn't have time on my side by then, mid 30s and first pregnancy v complicated so would not have wanted to wait too much longer.

So not really planned at all! Quite like the age gap luckily 😊

unserious · 04/02/2021 16:28

2 years 9 months. Because there was a lot of pressure in my mind to have the 'ideal 2 year gap' but I was definitely not ready before my eldest turned two. Then we successfully conceived on the first attempt.

It's actually a brilliant gap and they're so close and play very well together. I'm also finished at 2 children so I'm glad they're close. But I think no age gap is perfect and you need to do what suits your family whether that's 18 months or 18 years (!)

nanny3 · 04/02/2021 16:32

18 years

GenericUsername101 · 04/02/2021 18:21

13 months, because oops....! Yes it is hard at first but I love having two close in age now.

Bringallthebiscuits · 04/02/2021 18:22

3.9 years. My eldest was a very demanding baby/toddler and for ages I thought I didn’t want another child. Then he got incredibly ill and was in hospital for a while and I think that affected me psychologically and changed my mind. Or maybe late thirties hormones kicked in! I am glad I didn’t have a smaller age gap as this one feels hard enough!

mindutopia · 04/02/2021 18:50

5 years, which has worked great. Only one in nursery at a time with some time to save money in between. I was able to hit some major career milestones in between, so came back from mat leave 2 earning double what I did after mat leave 1. And it meant that I had the 2nd and was on mat leave the year my older one was in reception, so was home to do all the school runs and spend time with her, which was nice. I also had 1 on 1 time with my 2nd all mat leave just like with my first. It was ideal for us, and very much planned that way - and we got some adult weekends away and time to travel again in between too, which was really refreshing.

higglepiggley · 05/02/2021 12:11

My daughter is 5 in a couple of weeks and I'm due dd2 in early June :)
Just didn't feel ready until now

MonicaGellerHyphenBing · 05/02/2021 19:32

We wanted between 2 and 3 years, ideally closer to 2 so we started TTC when DC1 was 18 months. Got pregnant first month and would have had a gap of 2 years 2 months. Unfortunately I miscarried at 3 months and so ended up with a 2.5 year age gap, which I’m happy with. The only thing I was certain of is that I didn’t want 2 under 2!

needadvice54321 · 05/02/2021 19:44

Just over 5 years

I wouldn't have chosen that long, but I was a single mum with DS1 for the first few years before I met DH

They get on well, bicker a bit but have never really physically wrestled or anything as the size difference was too much! Now aged 12 and 17 and whilst they don't have much in common they get on well

tatutata · 05/02/2021 19:47

I wanted 18 months, but got 22 months between 1 and 2. Then 2 years 8 months between #2 and #3.

HastingsSpoon · 05/02/2021 19:47

22 months between DC1 and DC2 then just over 3.5 years between DC2 and DC3.
I always wanted 3 but wasn’t ready earlier as I had a hard time with a smaller age gap! They have such a lovely bond though

Pros & cons of everything

TisConfusion · 05/02/2021 19:48

Almost exactly 4 years. Because it took 18 months to conceive DC2. So not the gap we wanted but I'm just grateful we have 2 DC.

meltedgalaxy · 05/02/2021 19:51

It will be 22 months.

Had two rounds of ivf and tried for 4 years to conceive DS, 8 months after his arrival I was pregnant again! Unfortunately we MC, but this prompted us to try again. Fortunately we conceived again and I'm 12 weeks along.

Had we not been able to conceive naturally, we planned for a 3 year age gap. So I could complete my nursing degree.

Now I'm doing my degree anyway and will have to find a way to push on through hah

Pyewhacket · 05/02/2021 19:52

3 kids, 24 months between each.

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