RAGE!

[KateEC91]

Hi, just wondering if any Mums can relate to this being normal, or if perhaps I need to consider speaking to my GP? Would really appreciate some advice.
I am 11 months pp and finding that I am incredibly irritable most of the time. I have been for a good few months, but not this bad. I also dwell on it and feel bad/worry i’m crazy, which strengthens my irritability.
Please excuse the absolute ridiculousness of this story. We live in a second floor flat and today when carrying my baby to the car in his snowsuit (and me in my puffer coat), he was constantly sliding down me. The changing bag was sliding off of my shoulder. As i locked our door the bag fell off and out flew my gloves and baby food. To retreive these, I had to put the baby down and juggle getting both the bag and baby back onto me.
I appreciate that this must sound absolutely pathetic and I apologise, but i screwed up both fists, gritted my teeth and felt borderline psychotic as i seethed and somehow managed to speak to say ‘F*CKKKKK!!’.
I spent all day feeling pathetic and embarrassed at my lack of control. Had a lovely long walk with my son, chatted to a friend, then returned home. At that point, I had to juggle baby and bag back upstairs again and my car keys fell on the floor. Again, a repeat of this mornings anger happened.
I feel as though I frequently have so much to do, I am constantly behind at home with chores, always feel like I do everything despite having such a supportive partner.
I have diagnosed post partum anxiety which doesn’t help, but does this rage at such pointless, pathetic things ring true for anyone else? This isn’t me. I was never this angry prior to having my baby.
People have mentioned that antidepressants could help? I’m happy most of the time, I do have frequent intrusive thoughts but I cope.
Any advice would be so so appreciated... that is if you managed to read all of this without thinking that im a first class idiot.

I have no idea if it's normal but it's utterly relatable and I was very similar. My two are a bit older now and I'm less quick to feel so angry, but I'm afraid that's all the help I can give you.

Oh god I am with you. Stuff like this gives me the rage too. I don’t feel normal in this, I have no idea if it’s how others feel, but the physical challenges of wrestling small children around the place - so difficult and so irritating.

Been there many a time, feel ridiculous and
Might be worth talking to GP and ask for a blood test to check everything (iron / thyroid / kidney etc) - it can all go a bit haywire postpartum - and from friends and my own experience only shows itself once we get out the other side of the baby stage and can’t understand why still completely knackered and can’t think properly 🤯

Oh quite normal. I lose my sh*t like this too! (with myself).

What I do, is I plan everything in my head. I wear my keys on a chain on my neck like a 7yo. I talk to myself what I plan to do where I go what I need. Helps me make sure I have enough nappies, water bottle, coffee mug etc. I forget less and plan more. I write things down and make post-it notes as well. Everything to be in control of what will be going on.

When at home and have chores I talk to the baby about what we will do (I will do) and that helps me to plan.

Lastly I cut myself slack. Although chronically organised, when I forget, drop, break, lose and so on things, I just wave my hand and go on with other stuff.

Postpartum rage is a thing!! I get sooo irritated myself, not at my baby, usually at my partner but I have always been quite a calm, very laid back person and now I experience rage!! Saw these on various Instagram pages and found really interesting x

I relate. I had PND and had counselling and medication but I think an element of the Rage is normal.

I felt a lot better once I returned to work and wasn't at home alone all day with the baby. Maybe go easy on yourself. X

Should add, the physicality of having a baby was something I wasn't prepared for so your story really resonates. I used to get so fucked off with the car seat and how difficult it was to carry, and just feeling like a big useless fat unfit lump.

I always felt other people made it look so easy.

But once I stopped focusing on the 'other people' stuff it deffo helped. Easier said than done I know!

Firstly, don’t worry about things like chores. Do the most important/essential ones, anything else is a bonus. You’ll get back on top of things eventually. Secondly, it’s totally normal to feel frustrated and ragey. Are you having disturbed sleep? I found I was worse when I didn’t have enough sleep. Go easy on yourself, try and see the funny side of things if you can and share how you feel with others but if it gets to the point where you get worried, then talk to your GP, they will have heard it all before and will be able to advise. Oh, and try and focus on the good things like your nice walk with your friend, not the negatives-days don’t have to be perfect to still be overall good