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Parenting

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Original poster

Am I being neglectful?

23 replies

Jcmummy32 · 03/02/2021 17:25

I have a 17 day old baby (my first!). With Covid restrictions, my husband and I are doing everything ourselves and I feel like I’m literally feeding, changing and putting down my newborn son.

Is it silly to wonder at this early age if I should be doing more? Should I be playing or engaging in other ways with my baby or is this all he needs just now? Worried I’m not giving him enough attention...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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KatyClaire · 03/02/2021 17:29

Don’t worry at all - all he needs at this stage is feeding, changing, sleep and cuddles.

You can try things like tummy time, but he would only need / cope with a few minutes per day broken up into little chunks. Tummy time lying on your chest also counts. You could also try getting some black and white graphic cards for him to look at, my baby sometimes enjoyed those. But you don’t need to be playing with him or doing anything in particular to stimulate him.

My baby is nine weeks old and only just starting to engage with things like a foil sensory blanket and his activity mat, so don’t worry at the moment - you’re doing all you need to.

SuperSharpShooter · 03/02/2021 17:30

As long as they’re getting a little cuddle and a coo in between the changes/feeds/sleep I’m not sure there’s much more a 17day old needs. You’re in you’re little love bubble just the 3 of you for a while, enjoy it!

kindormad · 03/02/2021 17:44

A wise Portuguese waiter made my evening as he reminded me that 'all that they need is food and love'. And he's absolutely right.

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Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy · 10/02/2021 00:22

Just lots of cuddles, enjoy sitting cuddling him watching tv. I know it’s a cliche but it goes so fast! Mines 6 months now and now is the time I have be more entertaining! I miss her sleeping on me for hours!

Lottie917 · 10/02/2021 19:10

My DS is 21 days old and I'd been wondering the exact same thing! Reassuring to read the responses on this thread

Covidwoes · 10/02/2021 19:13

My DD is 17 days old. I also have an energetic two and a half year old, so the baby just has to slot in! Babies at this age want feeding, a clean bum and cuddles! Honestly don't worry about doing activities etc at this early age. Enjoy the snuggles!

addler · 10/02/2021 19:30

If you tried to do any activities other than what you're doing your baby would most likely get overstimulated and be impossible to put down to sleep and be very unsettled. Even eye contact can be too much when they're tired! You're doing great

Sleepyquest · 10/02/2021 19:33

I miss that stage, the cuddles and snoozing stage. Baby just wants to be cleaned and fed and loved. Now I have a toddler launching books at my head and having strops every 10 mins and doesn't want to cuddle

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 10/02/2021 19:34

No need for activities at that age! Lots of cuddles :) I did sing a lot to DS.

ememem84 · 10/02/2021 19:38

Nope. Food sleep cuddles nappy changes. This goes for you too (minus nappy changes...)

shinynewapple21 · 10/02/2021 19:39

If your baby is content you're doing fine 🙂

Mol1628 · 10/02/2021 19:40

No! It’s actually really boring! I just watched a lot of box sets and sat feeding and changing nappies and that was it for the first couple of months. Obviously they love to be close to you and hear your voice but you don’t specifically have to do anything.
Enjoy being able to watch what you want on tv and not having to have eyes in the back of your head!

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/02/2021 19:43

Congratulations on your baby

Have you heard of your fourth trimester? If not have a read. He barely knows he’s been born at this stage and all he needs is milk, cuddles, a clean dry bottom and the sound of your voice. Sing to him quietly, chat about what you’re doing, keep him close and sniff his head a lot. At some point that newborn smell fades so make the most of it!

Follow his lead, at the moment all he wants is you, you’re his safe place, his home, in the bright new world he’s popped into.

Marley20 · 10/02/2021 19:44

God no don't put extra pressure on yourself you've months yet till you need to worry about that. Keep them, clean, fed and warm with lots of cuddles is what you need to do. Make sure you're eating and looking after yourself is key. You're doing great I have no doubt xx

pallisers · 10/02/2021 19:46

17 days old he is still practically in the womb - all he needs is food, warmth, your physical presence next to him.

The one piece of advice I would give you is the one my mother gave me when ds1 was a newborn - sing and talk to them as much as you can.

Suzi888 · 10/02/2021 19:48

That’s absolutely all they need! congratulations on your new baby- enjoy!
When baby is older a play mat and bouncer should provide a little entertainment. Not for good while yet though!

notangelinajolie · 10/02/2021 19:50

New born babies sleep most of the time. You just need to feed them, change them and keep them warm. I used to go out for lots of walks when mine were this age. Oh and and give them lots cuddles and smiles and speak gently to them - before you know it you son will be gurgling and smiling right back at you. Congratulations

Letsskidaddle · 10/02/2021 19:57

Not at all, you're doing a perfect job! Feeding, changing and sleeping with some cuddles is all they need. I bathed mine most days at that age too, but that was definitely more for me than them as I really enjoyed it, and to be fair, they both did too, always loved their baths.

Huge congratulations - enjoy this time, it goes so quickly. Such a lovely time (apart from being so tired obvs, and worried!). If I could go back in time all I'd have done differently is cuddle them even more.

TheMoth · 10/02/2021 19:59

Dh was still off work at 17 days and I was wondering how the hell I'd cope by myself all day! I think just trying to work out how the buggers work is enough effort at this stage.
I think I sat on the sofa a lot. Bf took up a hell of a lot of time. As did the constant mopping up of various bodily fluids.

QueenOfLabradors · 10/02/2021 20:04

Because of our upright walking anatomy human babies are born at the absolute limit of earliest primate newborn function... and even then our skulls have to be flexible to get through our mother's birth canal. Milk, cuddles, keep clean, more milk, more cuddles, keep talking and singing (this keeps us happy as well as our babies) more milk more cuddles... Change nappy yet again, more milk more cuddles keep singing keep speaking loving nonsense... Hand baby over to other parent or close family or trusted person and grab a few hours sleep... Rinse and repeat. Honest OP we all worry that we're doing it wrong, but unless your actually feeding the baby neat gin in order to get it to sleep you're probably doing as well as any of us managed! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:William_Hogarth_-_Gin_Lane.jpg

FudgeSundae · 10/02/2021 20:11

They don’t need anything. But if you want a break you can put them on a playmat and in about 2 months time your baby MIGHT raise a hand and bat at the things hanging over their head and it will make your day! 🤣

nevernotstruggling · 10/02/2021 21:03

My fave analogy 'full tummy dry bum' is all nb need.

Marley20 · 13/02/2021 11:01

Hi OP how're you doing? Do you feel a bit better?

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