How do you manage 2 kids?

[Mamabear04]

My LO is 15mo and I'm starting to think about trying for another one this year. I absolutely love being a mum but I do find it exhausting at times (as I'm sure everyone does). All my friends have said that it's hardest having your first baby and then the second is easier- maybe because you know what the hell your doing
I had a bit of a difficult time in the beginning with my LO because she had acid reflux and as a result didn't sleep for the first 6.5 months which was really physically exhausting after my emergency c-section.
Does anyone have any advice for having a second baby? Is it a little easier? How do you manage a baby and a toddler? Does it feel like twice the work? What would be your number 1 piece of advice?

No 1 piece of advice for the whole of parenting I find is 'pick your battles'. Toddler DC wants to wear wellies even though the sun in cracking the pavements just let them. Baby DC is wearing the same baby grow as yesterday as its still clean and you forgot the put the washer on but the mums at baby group might notice, who cares.

Have a decent age gap. I personally wouldn’t want to have two babies. I didn’t want 2 in nappies or a double buggy so waited a bit. I ended up with a 3 year gap which was longer than planned.

Almost 25 months between mine (conceived when DD1 was 16 months) and I love the age gap. They are 3.5 and 18 months old now and are extremely close. They play nicely together (most of the time!) and have a lovely bond and friendship developing.

I found the adjustment hard at first- much harder than going from 0-1. The Mum guilt got to me a lot in the first couple of months, and DD1 became very difficult to handle for a good few weeks after DD2s arrival. A period of adjustment for everyone! But absolutely worth it for the relationship they have now!

My best piece of advice is to not underestimate how much you and your partner will need to tag team, particularly in the evenings. Obviously people manage without their partners being around, but if they are around it makes it a lot easier to “divide and conquer” as we put it. It also means that DD1 (who had always been very much a Mummy’s girl) has developed a much stronger connection with DH now, which is wonderful to see

We are now in serious discussions about going for a third so if that tells you anything, it’s that it doesn’t take long for 2 to become your new normal. I can’t imagine a time without DD2 now.

Dc arrived when my dc1 was 2y10m. Dc1 started afternoons at nursery 2months in which was lovely, and was toilet trained.

Personally, I found being heavily pregnant with a toddler way harder than being the mum of a toddler and a newborn.

Like @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz i have always found the being pregnant while having other children the hard bit!

Your first pregnancy you can put yourself first, subsequent ones that is harder

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Dc arrived when my dc1 was 2y10m. Dc1 started afternoons at nursery 2months in which was lovely, and was toilet trained.

Personally, I found being heavily pregnant with a toddler way harder than being the mum of a toddler and a newborn.

I could kiss you for saying that, as I'm 39 weeks and really struggling! I thought I should follow this thread for some tips because I'm increasingly doing things with DS (2.5) and thinking 'hang on, how will this work with a baby here too?!', though perhaps I've left it rather late to worry about this!

God i remember being 30+ weeks with dc5 and dc4 (2 and a half) sitting on the pavement on the way back from school refusing to move. I couldn't pick him up and it was awful.

I found it harder after having my second. And to be honest, I was in slight shock for probably a year 😂. There is a 5 almost 6 year gap between mine so I think I was so used to just having the one for so long and was so worried I wouldn’t love another as much. And I’ll be honest, I was numb for quite a while after the second and had to sort of fake emotion and love for that time. (Both mine were IVF too). Obviously it’s all fine now as I’m almost 5 years down the line after my second now. Everyone is different though. A lot will say the first is harder, but for me, it was the other way round. Depends on the person, the babies, the circumstances you’re in, etc etc.

@Thatwentbadly

Have a decent age gap. I personally wouldn’t want to have two babies. I didn’t want 2 in nappies or a double buggy so waited a bit. I ended up with a 3 year gap which was longer than planned.

Couldn’t agree more- have a 3 month old and a 3yr old and for me a great age gap- eldest can get dressed with supervision, use the loo, communicate, wait when I need her to.

Don’t have your second just before the start of a global pandemic like me

An age gap where the oldest can safely look after themselves for a few minutes while you do a nappy change and old enough to get the free hours at nursery is helpful.

Hardbackwriter

Tiredness aside it was a breeze. We played a lot of hospitals (aka me lying on the bed) and watched a lot of movies at the end of my pregnancy. I just could barely move.

With two the with isn't doubled, it's much more then that. I'd say he's like 2 squared. If my eldest had an occasional day in nursery then I'd regard it as a day off.

Saint that, I found neither transition difficult if I'm honest as the newborn stage is the easiest In my opinion. Pregnancy with a toddler was v hard though and having a mobile baby plus a toddler was really hard, but the but in between was fine, just a lot of work.