Elimination communication advice

[Mamabear04]

I started doing elimination communication with my LO last year when she was around 5mo. She took to it really well and has been really good at going in the potty for poo's and we got a toilet seat that she could sit on to allow her to go in the toilet. She was going for almost all of her poo's and even sometimes letting me know when she needed to go for pee's in the toilet.

It's a method that my Mum and Grandma used for all of us and they said it worked really well and eventually we would tell them when we needed to go. My LO had started to let me know when she needs and even once took herself through to he bathroom before I could scoop her up to carry her there (which is amazing!) but for the past 2 weeks she has refused to even sit on the toilet. I don't know what's happened and I'm worried all the hard work will be for nothing. She's just turning 15mo and I was wondering if she's just so distracted that she doesn't want to be taken away from all the other exciting things. Her 1st molar has just made an appearance and I can feel a 2nd one pushing up and thought it might be because of teething that she is going before she realises it or at other times is a bit constipated?

I just don't know what's changed that she has done a complete u-turn. I never express any negative words or disapproval when she goes in her nappy and I dont want to force her to sit on the toilet or create a negative experience for her but I also really want to encourage her to keep using the toilet. Has anyone done this before? Does anyone have any advice? I know she's too young to stop using nappies but I want her to keep telling me she needs the toilet and to actually use it. She has been doing so well up until a few weeks ago!

Tbh, children who potty train early tend to have more accidents for longer than those who are potty trained later. It's just one of those things.

I'd just stick her in nappies and let her do what she wants, try again in six months. She's still a baby.

Elimination communication is a very niche type of parenting. You maybe better looking for a Facebook group on the topic and asking for support there.

@Ohalrightthen I've heard different to that. My mum said that when she did it with my brother and I that she waited for 2 weeks after we had dry nappies during the night and after that never had an accident and never even wet the bed.

@Thatwentbadly I thought that Mumsnet would be the place to talk about this too

@Mamabear04 you can always talk about anything here but you may not find many people who have done it and are able to give any useful advice.

@Ohalrightthen

Tbh, children who potty train early tend to have more accidents for longer than those who are potty trained later. It's just one of those things.

I'd just stick her in nappies and let her do what she wants, try again in six months. She's still a baby.

This

you won't get any sensible advice on here about elimination communication.

Most mn don't believe it exists.
Or if it does exist it isn't genuine and the mothers are doing it but kids can't actually be trained
Or that it is somehow abusive to the kids.
Or that it is unatural and unkind and just wait until she is 'ready'

I didn't do it myself, but I lived in a country where it was done with most babies and I was atsonished. So I know that it is possible.

As to accidents, well, yes, but they are having accidents aged 12 and 18 months, and by 2 are pretty much dry, whereas a child trained later is trained at say 2.5 and stops having accidents quickly, so in the end the same age!

If it suits you OP, great, go for it.

Sadly, as I didn't do it myself I can't help about the sudden refusal.
I would distract her away from the toy, and then go and use the potty, rather than using the potty to get her away from the toy if you see what I mean.

I did this with my younger son (now 10!!) and found it to be very effective, whilst he wasn't dry any quicker than his older brother (18 months) I could count the number of dirty nappies we ever had!

I can't remember at what age, but I did at one point make the toilet a slightly more exciting place to be, with some books strategically placed nearby.

Persevere with encouragement and praise, and getting them to use the toilet a set times throughout the day for a bit, with a book or toy.

I would think there are good fb pages though - where the advice will be more specific.

whereas a child trained later is trained at say 2.5 and stops having accidents quickly, so in the end the same age!

So why on earth, other than saving numbers, would you drag it out,

@mouldyhouse101

whereas a child trained later is trained at say 2.5 and stops having accidents quickly, so in the end the same age!

So why on earth, other than saving numbers, would you drag it out,

because when doing elimination communication it is just part of life with the baby. It is not a negative. And there are far far fewer wet or dirty nappies overall.

@steppemum

Again, other than nappies, why drag it out?

Toilet training when older isn't negative

It's just no bother at all. You sit them on the potty/toilet before a bath, or nap, or bed etc, and they go to the toilet.

That's it. Less mess, less waste, and frankly less time involved.

I did both ways, and ec was way easier (and if you are on a low income, much cheaper).

mouldy - you need to ask the people who did it!

I lived in a country where it was the norm. It was what every child did, cultures vary! I didn;t do it with mine, because I couldn't be bothered.

But also no-one used nappies. At all.
Modern minded women would buy one pack of pampers and use them when visiting child free friends, or westerners like me who weren't doing it, so there were no accidents in their houses.

But I did train mine earlier than most in UK, they were trained at: 2, 2.5 and 18 months. The only one who had regular accidents after the first 3 weeks was the one trained at 2.5. I had tried to train her earlier and it was hopeless. So my personal experience is not that early training means more accidents at all. But that is just my experience.

I do find it odd to wait until a child is 3. Where I was living they used to think it was sad for a walking aged child to have a horrible thick nappy between their legs, how unnatural! (I took a lot of stick for having an 18 month old in nappies)

@steppemum that's so interesting. Where did you live?

I'm honestly a bit taken aback by how people have reacted to this topic! It's just a long way of potty training and it's my preference. My LO has a dry nappy for longer, I don't have to empty the nappy bin as much and we are creating positive associations with a new skill - using the toilet. Loads of OP on here get so much support for baby led approaches and this is just the same. My toddler tells me when she needs to go to the toilet and I take her there and help her...

I second making the loo an appealing place. Mine had jelly beans in a jar. It really focussed DS on getting there in time, when there was a jelly bean reward.

Your LO is too young for jelly beans, but stickers, books, chocolate buttons... just something to help get over this hump, change the dynamic a bit.

Mamabear, that's great. MN tends to react negatively to elimination communication because it's seen as pressuring the children to train when they aren't ready, or bragging about your child being precocious.

When done properly, as it is in many cultures, it's just as you say.

Today (pre lockdown) it doesn't work as well for U.K. families because of all the other distracting things competing for time and attention- being out and about, going to classes, being in other people's houses, away on holiday etc. Those things are all easier with a child in nappies. It was more common here in the 50s and 60s. One main carer for the child, not working outside the home, a more routine daily lifestyle etc.

I was in Kazakhstan mamabear.

At least now people in the UK have heard if it. 10 years ago, people used to post about it, and everyone insisted it was fiction.

I posted on so many threads to say it is real, and got abuse!

I find it fascinating.
I do think most Uk kids train very late due to the superefficiency of disposable nappies. I would love to see some research on cloth nappies v. disposables and age of potty trianing.

I switched my son into nappy pants (thick toweling with plastic outside) when he was 2. I watched as he, over a week, went from.
yuck! wet! to
wee= wet to
Oh I'm weeing
to I'm going to wee, and that means I'll get wet.

I think most modern kids aer very out of touch with their own bodies.

Most people on MN seem to believe it's not possible because they haven't personally come across it. And suggestions like it's fact that early trained children have more accidents. Not our experience at all. DD decided at about 15 months she didn't want nappies and that was it, had already been putting her on potty etc from pretty small ( vague EC method) and so few wet nappies it hardly seemed any point using them when she just got rid. Not a predictor of future intelligence or anything, just a fact in our house. No suggestions other than probably don't put back in nappies if possible.

Mine were both really late training. They are very bright capable adults now.

I still recognise elimination training is great! It just didn't work for me and mine.

I didn't do EC, but know plenty of people who did. They were generally the very gentle, attachmenty parents, not at all coercive or controlling which is how a lot of people view early toilet training.

Not the same as our child was older, but when we did potty training we had "potty toys" which were kept in a box - a mouth organ, a special pop-up book, that sort of thing - which only came out when he was using the potty. He loved that and it did make him less likely to put off going.

It's totally normal that she's putting off going because she's busy/interested in something else. I still do it now

Thanks for all your positive responses! It's really good to hear that other people have had successful stories. It would be really good to hear more of them!

I like the idea of having potty toys! Maybe this is the distraction my LO needs!
I'm not in anyway saying my way is the best - it's just been handed down to me as a way to do things from my Mum and Grandma. Every baby/parent/situation is different and each parent has to do what's best for them. It just so happens that I have been able to do this because of support from my family and we've had a lot of time to practice during all the lockdowns!

I’m totally intrigued by this concept. My
Mum often talks about how children used to potty train much younger than they do now that disposable nappies are the norm. Do you mind me asking how the process works?

So I'm not sure how the proper method to do this is but my Mum said that if you hold the baby over the potty after they've fed for a few minutes then they will usually go to the toilet. She started us from newborn - she said even just once a day is enough to get the baby used to sitting on the potty (I started from 5mo). She said to say to them 'are you going eh eh's/ah ah's' because that's the sound they make when they're pooing. Eventually they catch on and make the noise when they need to go to tell you. Once they can move around I just payed close attention to my LO and could figure out when she needed to go before she could communicate - she would stop and concentrate and her eyebrows would turn red. Once she was more interactive she would look at me intensely and say 'eh eh' and then I would take her to the toilet, whip her nappy off and sit her on it so she could go. It's a lot of work at first but honestly now it's so much less effort - no cleaning up of mega poo's and she hardly has a wet nappy during the day. My Mum said eventually it just clicks and they start going every time but we're not quite at that stage yet!