How do you know if you have bonded with your baby?

[Babbit]

I was watching The Wright Stuff this morning and there was a discussion about maternal bonding. I have 2 children and was thinking about this. What does having a bond mean? During the discussion I was asking myself if I have 'bonded' with my children and honestly don't know. I have overwhelming feelings of love for them. Is this what they mean, or is bonding something more?

Oh no, overwhelming love isn't enough, your heart has to sing everytime that you look at them.
I never really understood the whole bonding thing either. I love her, I have a very strong urge to protect her and make her happy, and if I've been away from her, it's lovely to see her again, and to be honest, I think that's all the bonding I need. My Mum tells me that everytime she sees DD it's like falling in love, but I think that's my Mum for you!

Think the whole bonding idea is just another thing someone has thought up to give parents more to worry about.

Fact is at least 99.9% of parents would throw themselves in front of a double decker bus without a second thought if they thought it would save their child from being hit by it and I think that is what counts

Phew that's alright then. Was worrying and feeling guilty about nothing...again.

AHA! You fell in to the trap then didn't you?

Sorry to spoil the whole thing but I think there is something in this 'bonding' thing. The only reason I think this is that whilst I love both my DC's to bits, with DS I also feel a kind of 'connection' or bond that I don't with DD.

DD is my first child and I had undiagnosed PND with her and it is known that PND stops the bonding process and I feel that's exactly what happened with me. She is now 4 and she feels completely seperate to me whereas DS feels like he is connected to me.

I know that doesn't explain it very well, but it is a very hard feeling to define and it is different from love. I watched The Wright Stuff too and and really identified with the mother on there who said she felt that she and her daughter missed out in her early years as she too didn't bond with her DD but did with her DS.

Anyway, watching the programme I was glad to hear that I was not alone in feeling this way and although I do still feel bad I am slowly coming to accept that it's not my fault but a hormonal thing.

I can give you a technical definition of the bond you mention. An attachment bond is (a) long-lasting, (b) reciprocal and (c) demonstrated by proximity seeking and separation anxiety. If you take the example of a couple, they have an attachment as their relationship is a lasting one (i.e. not a one night stand), it goes both ways - both people feel the same, and also they like to be with each other and get upset when they are apart. Same thing applied to parent and child: It is a growing relationship - enduring over time. You 'feel' something for your baby and your baby 'feels' something for you. And finally, you want to be near your lo and vice versa, and you both find it difficult to be apart. Bonding happens naturally over time, but in some circumstances e.g. if a child loses a parent, or if a parent (or child) is in hospital, or in cases of PND etc, the bonding can be disrupted or delayed, but the process is pretty resilient so still happens anyway.