I don't think my 12 month old is securely attached to me

[SmashedPumpkin321]

I had PND and only feel like I truly bonded with her a couple of months ago. I love her to pieces but I feel that there has been some effect on her attachment to me. She isn't really interested in me at all TBH, and has never really shown me any affection other than a cheeky grin. However she adores my mum (who is in a support bubble with us). My mum's partner came round with her today (allowed as they live together). She hasn't seen him since Christmas and only ever saw him once a month or so before that. She was clearly a little bit unsure, but she didn't look at me at all for reassurance, just my mum
It has made me feel terrible.

She is also a bit behind with some of her milestones, not the physical stuff but she doesn't respond to her name or babble much. The HV is going to repeat the ASQ with us when she's just shy of 13 months (just over 3 weeks time).

Is there anything I can do at this stage to improve the attachment side of things? I feel quite heartbroken about it and like such a terrible mum.

Giving this a little bump for you OP!

Please please please don't worry! You are bonded together. My DD2 is 20 months. At the start of lockdown my mum moved in with us and she was 10 months. She was/is obsessed with my mum and adores her completely! If my mum is here and something makes her jump, she would go to my mum over me. Or if we see people she doesn't know and my mum is there she will go to my mum if she's closer!

My DD and I love each other and we have cuddles and kisses and when my mum isn't there, we are the best of friends. However, she couldn't care less about me if my mum is there. My DD1 is the same with my dad!

I feed them, Bath them, shower them with affection even though I suffered from PND with both. They know I'm their mum and that I love them unconditionally! They also know that their grandparents love them unconditionally too and because they aren't there every moment, they are a novelty. GP are less likely to tell them off, more likely to spoil them and generally think they're the best things in the world, and even young babies know that.

Keep going! Your DC will be 2 before you know it and it all becomes a little bit easier.

Also, my DD2 is quite behind on her developmental milestones (not physically, just like your DC) and is starting to catch up finally. EG- she finally blew kisses at me today which is usually done between 10-12 months and I melted as she is trying to communicate.

Thank you so much, this has made me feel a lot better x