Feeling so overwhelmed today

[SophieB0012]

I have a very active 3 year old DD (had her birthday yesterday so it was a very full on day) and a 5 month old DS. I don’t actually have anything real to complain about, baby sleeps at least 10 hours at night and my DD is a lovely girl. I’m just feeling so overwhelmed with her constantly asking to play with me, trying to look after the baby and tidying up. There are toys literally everywhere, the kitchen is a state because of her birthday and I feel so out of control right now. My husband is here but working from home and DD only really ever asks me to play or get things etc anyway. I feel so guilty for not being able to (or wanting) to play all the time. Since Covid it’s been so full on being at home with them all the time. I feel like a 24 hour nanny. I know that sounds stupid as they’re are my children and that’s the point but there’s just no breaks. Ever. If they’re asleep I’m washing and cleaning and sorting things out. I just feel like I need tips on how to keep on top of everything and not having so much guilt for not being able to give everyone the attention they need. Poor DS just lies there for a lot of the day because there’s just so little time to give to everyone. I just feel so guilty and exhausted. I read so many things that say to not worry too much about the house etc, but if I leave it it will just get worse and worse and then I’ll have even more to sort out when I eventually can. I guess I just want to hear that I’m not alone and not the only one struggling. I feel stupid because I know I don’t have any real problems but I still feel so overwhelmed. Right now I want to run away to the hills and leave it to someone else

You’re so not alone. How I keep on top of it is by tidying up when my two are in bed (1 and 4 so a bit older than yours). I spend about an hour doing the basics, washing, dishwasher etc. Most other stuff gets ignored, it’s not like there’s any visitors to see anyway. Then have a bit of me time left over, though it goes fast! Things have got gradually easier as my baby has got older and sleeps better in the early evening. In the first few months I could barely eat my tea.

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way OP- I am right there with you. I gave birth 7 weeks ago and have a 2.5 year old. I just about got over the baby blues and and have constant cycles of feeling overwhelm, disappointment then guilt. I felt as soon as I’d had the baby it was all a massive anti climax with the whole covid situation! As for the house, I feel like it’s a constant cycle of bottle cleaning, clothes washing, toy tidying madness. I get on with things but felt it more in the past couple of weeks - I personally get overwhelmed with the unpredictability of having any sort of break before they wake for the day. Even when the toddler goes to bed it’s baby’s fussy time and toddler has been night waking a lot these days so I might get one hour of chill max, even then it’s catch up with the mundane housework which is never ending.
I almost crave the raw overwhelm of a first born compared to this! I tried to capture what I was feeling to my husband ... I think covid and working from home has a lot to answer for. I personally feel in the act of staying safe I’ve almost been robbed of a haven in my home before baby was born - I don’t hate my house and feel very lucky and privileged for all the big stuff, of course! But I just don’t have that feeling of comfort or escape of the home anymore and I don’t think that helps given the remaining mat leave ahead. Also sometimes have a dreaded feeling that lockdown / covid is a scapegoat when this is basically just my life now! I think everything will work out and I keep reminding myself we will all look back and this will be another period of time we will remember / reflect upon but it will change. If we can get through this we can manage anything - I don’t want to sound cliched at all (as I try and convince myself as well) but in every single thing you do is love for your children, even in all the mundane. They are just so happy to be with us.
I keep reminding myself that if I was a permanent stay at home mum I def wouldn’t be getting out every day and likely have a lot of the same feelings.
Please be assured you are certainly not alone and please don’t feel stupid - your feelings are valid and this has been such a difficult time.

I remember that feeling well, mine are all much older now but I promise it will get easier. I remember the sheer relentless exhaustion and mess. I promise it is a phase that one day you’ll look back on fondly, I wish I had some tips but I don’t as I have no idea how we muddled through it but we did eventually. Try not to put pressure on yourself.