Hi everyone. Really at a loss, so I’m hoping someone can help or point me in the right direction.
I have two children with my ex who was mentally abusive for our whole relationship, and even after the relationship ended. If you’ve ever met a classic covert narcissist, you’ll understand. He ticks all of the boxes re gaslighting, intimidation,triangulation etc.
He has never been a good dad at all, but refuses to not have contact (which I understand is his right). My children are now 10 years old and go to his for a couple of nights every couple of weeks. More often than not, they come back either miserable, angry or in tears.
He shouts at everything, then tells them they’re being dramatic for being upset.
He sleeps in past lunch time and makes them get him breakfast, and stays in bed while they get theirs. He doesn’t do anything with them. They’ve been called names for knocking things over, and most hurtful for them, is that if they’re good at something, he downplays it and talks about himself, or makes them feel bad for being better than him.
Most recent visit, they’ve come back home only having been fed breakfast and then takeaway for dinner. No lunch 😭 I’m at my wits end, and when I confront him, he says they’re lying or being dramatic. He kicks off if they don’t want to visit him, and I’m not allowed to prevent access. Where do I go from here? 😞 currently looking at counselling for them, to help somewhat with the inevitable trauma. From what I’ve read up until now, I’ve got no right to help them, unless he physically harms them or they’re in immediate danger. I spoke to a child mental health advisor before, who basically just said I have to show them extra love, for what he lacks. I feel so sad that I can’t do anything. One of my kids does not want to go, and the other feels guilty about even thinking about not going, which then makes the other child not want to leave them to go alone. Please no judgment as this is hard enough. I really hope someone can give me some pointers, because this is not getting better :(