I feel so self-conscious speaking to by baby in public, and it's really annoying me!

[timsmama]

Both me and dh are German but have been living in the UK for quite a few years now. We decided that we would both solely speak German to our little boy (7 months old) as he would pick up English everywhere else anyway. What I didnt think about was how alienated it would make me feel at baby groups etc. I usually speak loads to my son, but when out in public I feel really self-conscious that I am talking to him in a foreign lanmguage. Especially at baby groups I find myself hardly talking to him, as I am embarrassed speaking to him in German! But then I am embarrassed that the other mums think I dont talk to my baby! Am I being stupid???

Perhaps the other mums speak other languages? Just speak whatever you want as it's your child & family that matter.

No, you are not being stupid, there was a thread on this a while ago and lots of people said the same.

I live in Germany and speak English to my DCs, when we are in company of other children I often speak German. More to make sure that the other mums and children understand what I am saying.

Do you have any German speaking friends where you can relax with your DS?

I'm in France but speak English to my baby - often other children are transfixed that I am talking in another language - push through the initial uncomfrtableness (is that a word?) and it will come more naturally. Just think how much your DS will appreciate being bilingual when he is older (lucky thing!)

I live in Italy and have always spoken to my DD in English, even when around non English speakers. At baby group I used to chat to the other mums in Italian (so they knew I wasn't being snotty) and just switch to English when talking to my DD. No one ever made any comments or was offended, they all thought it was great DD was learning a second language and TBH I've never really given it a thought.

I still speak to DD exclusively in English, although now it involves yelling across parks. We now live in a bit of a backwater where people are less friendly than in the big town and I have heard the odd comment but very occasionally. I'm not worried though, DD learning my language equates to her learning my/her culture, as well as broadening her horizons in general, which is far more important than what the odd narrow minded (and possibily envious) person thinks. Most people are absolutely fine about it, though.

When I think about it, it can be quite handy when the others do not not understand. This works better when we are in UK as not too many people speak German. Here in Germany everyone wants to practice their English.

Hi! Thanks for your replies! No, unfortunately we don't have any German friends here - well, none with children anyway. We live in Lancaster and there only seem to be German students here who move on as soon as their course has finished...

I know ds is very lucky growing up with two languages - just another reason why I feel stupid for not speaking in German to him at baby groups. i think it's got to do with me always trying to fit in with the locals, never wanting to make a big deal about being from abroad...anyway, think I just have overcome my own inhibitions and start talking to him in German. The first step is probably the hardest

kinderBoosurprise - very true, though I usually take advantage of that when talking to dh It is quite nice being able to talk about others and them not knowing what you are saying...

btw I was always one of those annoying Germany that would not let you practise your German as I was so excited that I was able to speak English

You'll get used to it! I do what others have said and speak to my children in French when it would seem rude not to, such as when they are with friends. Though I tell them off in English, whoever is around! I've stopped caring what strangers think when they hear us though

The other mums you see regularly will get used to hearing you speak German (if they haven't already) and will probably be impressed with your little boy's incredible linguistic prowess as he gets older

Just relax and try not to worry about what people think. You'll probably find nobody's bothered anyway. And I agree with Kindersurprise, it's handy being able to talk about people when they don't understand.

TM
My mum stands in the queue at the bakers for ages thinking what to say and how to say it. She gets half way through the first sentence and the verkäuferin starts babbling in English. Happens to her all the time and she really really wants to practice her German. She did her Higher German when she realised that I was staying here.

where in Germany do you live, kindersurprise? well deserved "proud emoticon" btw - German really isnt the easiest of languages to learn, is it?! It took my mum years to conquer her fear of speaking English, but when her and my dad when to the States for a year she finally started not to care. is your dh German or how come you ended up there?

We are in NRW, near Ddorf. My DH is German, I came over to Germany to work as an aupair and met DH (the day I arrived!!). Still here 15 years later.

Where are you from?

I was born in NRW (in Münster) but moved to Niedersachsen (Lüneburg) when I was 8. I left Germany after my Abitur (for uni in the Uk and travelling in Oz) but had to then move to back to Germany to meet my dh ...that was in bavaria though, so persuaded him to come to the UK with me.

We lived in Bavaria for 10 years before a short stop in Hanover then NRW. So we have been lived in the same Bundesländer, just in the opposite order.

I know a lot of German people are uneasy about the kind of reception they might get overseas, particularly in England. No wonder when you see the kind of things that newspapers, like say the Sun, print at times. The German media report back on it and at times, I really want to apologise for it or at the least cringe with embarrassment. So yes, I can understand dm feeling nervous about speaking German at times.

It is probably one of those things that seem such a big hurdle at first, but if you can carry it off with self-confidence, others will become more and more accepting of it. I don't think people really expect or want foreigners to be more English than the English IYSWIM. Being foreign in some way also means being approachable and interesting in a way someone from your own background will never be exactly.