Hi all,
Worried mummy looking for advice please.
I suspect my toddler may have selective mutism. He is nearly 2.5. He has always been what could be classed as a "shy" child (I know that isn't a good word but it's the easiest to describe what I mean). From very young he hated children making loud noises. Be it crying laughing etc. It sent him into absolute meltdown. This stopped maybe around a year but even now nursery say he gets upset when other children cry or get upset. Just mentioning this as it says on the nhs site that children with selective mutism can be afraid by very loud noises.
He has never particularly enjoyed the company of children. Gets by just fine at nursery. Shares, is fine playing alongside them but doesn't seek it out. But do they generally at this age?! Don't know.
The main thing is. He is silent at nursery. He has been going since he was a year old. I think he's probably said a handful of words there. Ever. Sometimes he will talk to himself if playing alone and they secretly watch but nothing like he does at home. If they look or he notices them he will stop. He did get a little better when I picked him up at the end of the day for a time and would say "bye (name of staff) and wave but that has stopped since probably halfway through last year at a guess. He will nod and shake his head. Sometimes he won't even do his please and thank you signs which used to be one thing he would do if unable to speak.
At home he is for the most part incredibly chatty. This starts from the second he reaches the car in the car park at nursery. Before anyone asks - the staff tell me he is very happy and smiley during the day. He will laugh, play with toys, bring staff books to read and want to engage with them. He just won't speak. I don't have any concerns he is hating it there. He looks forward to going the night before.
Sometimes at home he will also suddenly go silent. Will again shake and nod his head but will have periods of time (minutes as opposed to hours) where he won't speak. This seems to come out of nowhere but I think is sometimes linked to when I ask him to say something - again such as please before food is given. 95% of the time there is zero issue at home.
He will also go silent often on calls to grandparents. He hasn't seen them a lot in person obviously due to lockdowns etc. He will be chatting to me excited to see them but goes silent as soon as they appear on the screen. Again is perfectly happy, showing toys to them, playing but often won't speak. Sometimes he will, sometimes he won't. He is better with grandparents than nursery definitely. In person some days he would be chatting, the next day he would be silent with them. There doesn't seem to be any way to predict it.
Does anyone have any experience or advice? If he does have selective mutism I obviously want to help him however I can and don't want him to be left known as "the shy kid" (no one says that but I guess they think it). Maybe I need to speak to nursery about it and see what they think?
I will say as well he has always been very clingy, especially to me. Although he is fine in the morning before nursery, he really struggles with drop off. Always has done (got better just before lockdown and then right back to square one). He gets upset, clings to me etc. Is this because he doesn't like the idea of talking there? Because I know as soon as he walks in he is fine and eating/playing etc.
Sorry for the really long post. Any advice greatly welcome!