Feeling guilty that children throughout history have had a worse life than my son

[YRGAM]

This is a bit of a strange one - hopefully I am making sense.

I have been feeling very down recently that other children have suffered today and in the past. I am very interested in history, and reading what it was like for children starving in the Warsaw Ghetto, for example, can put me under a cloud for weeks on end, to the extent that seeing and holding my son has made me burst into tears thinking about other children. This kind of feeling has only arrived recently (my son is 1).

My partner doesnt really get it when I bring it up. I guess what I'm asking is are these reactions normal, and does anyone have any advice about how I can get over it? Thanks in advance.

Are you a new Mum?

I think having kids does make you feel more raw in respect of the suffering of other children. Is it severe enough to be interfering with your life?

You feeling guilty about things that you had no part in or could not have helped in any way, is a huge waste of your energy op. You have a precious young child you need to try and enjoy them.
I would talk to your gp as you could possibly have pnd?

If this is interfering in your life you need to seek help from your GP. You have a very young child and there is a risk of PND or postnatal anxiety.

I feel like this since having DD last year.

We're Jewish, and Holocaust Remembrance Day last week just destroyed me. It used to move me before, obviously, but this year I just couldn't stop thinking of all the children (over a million - just incomprehensible) who died.

It is normal to feel more sensitive to the sufferings of children when you have young children of your own.

But it is a wasted effort to feel guilty about children in the past. If you want to do something useful, think about children in the present whose lives you could improve. Contribute to a foodbank, send money to the Red Cross, advocate for the rights of refugee children.

It's natural to feel this way. But I think you need to read history that doesn't involve kids being mistreated or it will continue to bring you down.

I totally get you. When I think of world war 2 I think of the children that were evacuated. Like one day the government said you have to send your children to strangers in the countryside who most likely didn't want them. I've cried about that and held my children close.

Sometimes I think you hear about things like the Holocaust and wars and famine etc that as a child to young adult they're sort of stories. Like you know they're bad but its just a story. Then one day you read something or you mature or something and the full horrendousness of it becomes real.

It helps me to avoid things that trigger me. Like if I see a news story about child abuse I'll scroll past it otherwise it sticks with me for weeks (like I'll be having a nice time with my children and it suddenly flashes in my head). I also tell myself that I'm raising good people so hopefully the next generation will be nicer.

The world is a bit rough right now so please be kind to yourself

I get you. I have been that way since I had my first child. Cannot bear the thought of a child suffering to the point of feeling like I might vomit. I cannot offer any advice to help. Children suffering is horrendous. All suffering is.

I understand and feel like this too. I see the suffering of children, in the past or in the news and cannot help but think about them as if they were my child. About what they would have been doing at that age or what their mothers may have felt.

Things cut me deeper now, before I thought they were upsetting or sad, now they are devastating to think about.

That said, I do try and avoid some news/historical items now and if it's interring with your daily life and thoughts maybe see your GP.

I have definitely felt this more since having kids. Also in relation to the suffering of other mothers. Thinking about the Holocaust makes me feel utterly numb.

I think it’s normal. I reflect and try not to let it overwhelm me

I understand it, I felt like this after my first child was born, I think many people have it to an extent as you become naturally more protective of children and you have greater empathy with what families of children mistreated or killed in the past must have been through. In my case it was to the point of being a mental illness as it significantly interfered with my life. For example I couldn't concentrate at work for days after seeing an upsetting news report. If it is interfering with your daily life I would recommend seeking help, if it isn't then know that what you are feeling is quite common and will probably recede a bit as your child gets older.

The only time I've ever have a visceral physical reaction to something was when my baby was small and I watched a documentary about the Holocaust. There was a photo of women with babies in arms on the arriving platform at Auschwitz being readied for the gas chambers. I almost vomited.

And I'm not an ignorant person, I'm a historian and I know what the world is like. But I do think you see an extra invisible dimension when you have small children.

I have a huge amount of guilt!!

I just don't understand why my children get to have an excellent education, a warm house, full tummies, cuddles and kisses every night and a family who would die for them, when others don't!

I desperately want to foster, by my DH isn't keen at all!

My DD has also just been put on a autism pathway. We've managed to jump queues at every level... SALT is 20 week wait, and we paid privately in two weeks and pay weekly for therapy. Same with the community paed and a hearing test that we have been able to get in weeks through private health care.

It genuinely upsets me that other children won't have the same level of care or speed in which to deal with it. I obviously want what's best for my DD, but it's not fair, or just.

This really resonates with me, I was the same after having DD. Rather than let it get me down though (and it does, I've had some really dark nights about it), I channel it into activity. I donate to charity, I speak out against racism and/or inequality if and when I see it; I took DD on a local climate change march when she was small. They're little things, but they make me feel more like I'm doing something, and helping make the world better somehow.

I also went through this when I had my first daughter. I was absolutely sobbing thinking of babies that have been neglected or hurt. For me, what worked was to actively change my train of thought. I had to acknowledge that "there's that thought about other babies" and then let it pass without letting it take hold if that makes sense. I still do feel sad if I allow myself to think about it too much but I just have to let go of what I cannot change.

I know what you mean OP. I don’t have kids myself and I wouldn’t even describe myself as maternal but I hate to think of children or animals suffering. I think it just means you’re a decent, compassionate person and I dare say most people looking back through the history books would feel distressed by the collateral damage and human suffering.

The only time I've ever have a visceral physical reaction to something was when my baby was small and I watched a documentary about the Holocaust. There was a photo of women with babies in arms on the arriving platform at Auschwitz being readied for the gas chambers. I almost vomited.

Oh my god, I wish I hadn’t read this - it has cut me to the bone. But in another way I’m glad I did read it, because no matter what I’m going through right now, it’s not even comparable to what these poor, poor people suffered. There are no words.

Thanks @Cowgran, that’s really good advice.

And @DontBeShelfish too. Thanks.

Welcome to motherhood.

I think it's natural and probably even more so given the current circumstances.

I remember watching a complication of 'Must see films' over the Christmas period when DD was 3.5 months old. One of them was Sophie's Choice and I literally ran from the room sobbing hysterically. The rest of my family thought I was insane...I was diagnosed a few weeks later with very severe PND.

Not suggesting it is that, but maybe be aware of your wellbeing and take a step back from reading/watching anything too triggering for a bit.

It alters youre perspective of things, yeah. But it shouldn't interfere with your life, equally.

I used to mock all the mums crying over sentimental things and then discovered at about 6 months pregnant with my first child that I had become one of them (thank you hormones!) it's got worse with each child too. I'm basically a blubbering mess. But I feel Sad for them, sometimes I feel sickened or angry or I despair, but then it passes. And I don't feel guilty. The guilt seems an odd reaction maybe indicative of pnd or something

Welcome to being a mum where you feel the pain of every other mother's suffering.

It doesn't go away but it does get less intense