One DC needs to gain weight, the other doesn’t - how do I manage this?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

I have two DC 6 and 4. The 6 year old has low interest in food and is quite fussy - as a result he is getting increasingly skinny to the point I think he really needs to put on a few pounds. The 4 year is on the other hand has a voracious appetite, hoovers up anything put in front of him and certainly doesn’t need more calories than he currently gets.

How can I try to bulk up DS6s diet without DS4 getting the too much? I can’t rely on portion sizes as DS6 often leaves food on his plate.

I’ll try giving him bigger portions of food he likes to see if he’ll eat a bit more. But they do tend to notice that kind of inequity.

I may have misunderstood but there is no inequity in giving an older child more food than a younger child. I fell into the trap of giving my two equal (2 yr age gap and the older one has a higher metabolism too) and it resulted in what you described. Older children, by and large, should get larger portions.

Appreciate that doesn’t help if you can’t get him to eat them though!

I have four children with very different BMIs. Two of them are on medication so they're monitored. My 8 year old was born on 10th ish percentile, he was a twin so we expected them to be smaller and gain weight which they did. When it was weighed before meds he was on 75th, I said I suspected he was I've weight and doctor agreed. He is on 50th now which is perfect. The older child is 11, born on 98th percentile, now on 9th. He has consistently moved down the percentiles. They aren't really concerned about the number but they are concerned that he keeps dropped percentiles. I have to actively encourage him to eat.

I would say that the moving of percentile is a concern, it doesn't sound like there is a huge difference in what the children get other than your second child finishing off his siblings. We have a snack tub they can help themselves to, carrots, cucumber, grapes, radish etc in, sometimes yogurts.

I would just give DS6 want he wants. My DS doesn’t see the need for food, he has always been thin and he is better off grazing through the day. He eats about 4 bowls of cereal now aged 15 on top of sensible meals, still thin. My DD only liked beige more or less until now, 9, when she has decided she likes salad and sweet corn. She eats a lot but is ideal weight. If your DS likes some meals, foods I would give him those, plus some mini snacks more often in the day. Perhaps he doesn’t like ‘meals’.

Also I notice my DS eats more if taken from a sharing plate than on his own plate. It’s like a plate of food daunts him. He says that he just finds it too much and it puts him off.

Do they have separate bedtimes? Would DS6 eat a snack (beige, since thats what he likes!) before bed?
Different breakfasts is a good start. If you introduced more puddings, would DS4 eat too much again? We are fortunate that our child than tends to skinny loves cream, so we gave pudding most days, and increase the calories in his with cream or custard.

Maybe it was a miscommunication from my friend on wording. But hospital was clear on her needing to gain weight and giving puddings etc to help her do so. She basically looked skin and bones. Thankfully she has gained a good amount of weight. My son was 12th centile for weight when he was born full term and that was considered low birthweight and so we were kept in hospital 48 hours to make sure he didn’t lose anymore and feeding well (luckily he only gained and didn’t lose). So being on the low side of the range doesn’t mean it’s the healthy range...I did not realise this until he was born and they kept us longer to monitor.

Anyway, the op should at least speak to the GP just to make sure. I would rather my picky eater fed then not if he was getting to skinny.

@TierFourTears

Do they have separate bedtimes? Would DS6 eat a snack (beige, since thats what he likes!) before bed? Different breakfasts is a good start. If you introduced more puddings, would DS4 eat too much again? We are fortunate that our child than tends to skinny loves cream, so we gave pudding most days, and increase the calories in his with cream or custard.

No they go to bed at the same time unfortunately, they’re basically together 24hours a day at the moment so it’s hard to do anything like separate snacks.

Managed to give DS6 a bigger portion of dinner last night (though it nearly went wrong as they switched the seats they usually sit at!). Though DS6 lost interest before he had finished whilst DS4 wolfed his down and was complaining he was still hungry and was trying to beg food off everyone else. Had to stop DS6 handing his leftovers to DS4.

Both would eat more puddings if they were offered, for sure! But DS4 would eat as much as DS6. We often have a bowl of Greek yogurt and fruit for pudding - I can do this more often and switch out DS4’s for a lower fat yogurt so only DS6 is benefiting from the extra calories. DS4 likes fruit mixed in with the yogurt while DS6 likes his separate so that’s a fairly easy one to give them different things.

@Bubbinsmakesthree

I’ve discussed this with DH and we have a few ideas. Sometimes we let them choose what they’re eating so we can try to use that to our advantage. This morning DS4 wanted cereal for breakfast and DS6 wanted toast. So DS4 got a small bowl of cereal and DS6 got 2 slices of toast thickly buttered.

Could you add Peanut butter/nuttela/jam/honey thickly to his toast? Add an age appropriate protein powder to milk for cereals or drinks? Add cheese cooked through his scrambled eggs. What high calorie food does he eat?

All 3 of my boys eat fairly limited variety of food. They all love yoghurt and milk. Pasta with cheese melted over it is a good high calorie main. They won't eat sauces. If your DC eat sauce you could add cream/sour cream/cheese to 6 year olds portion, cook it in. Might pass unnoticed.

My boys are all fairly restricted eaters but very different weights. Ds2 eats most quantity wise, 90%. DS1 is the eldest and lightest of my 3 boys. He has bowel problems that limit how much he can eat. He's around the 5th percentile and DS3 60th.

Had your 6 year old been tested for iron deficiency? Low iron can cause low appetite. Things like constipation and reflux can limit how much he would eat too. Hyperthyroidism can limit weight gain. DS1 had lots of tests done before we found the issue. The fix is a slow one, but at least his weight is slowly creeping up again.