My good friend's DD's 1st birthday is coming up. We used to be v v close for a few years, I was her bridesmaid. Now slightly less close just because of locations and less time spent together, but still v good friends, I love her a lot. Part of the life-long friends from uni group.
I am childfree by choice and don't have to plan any. I am also clueless about social conventions and what's expected for things like engagements, pregnancies, baby showers, as am non-traditional (don't plan to get married) and come from a non-traditional family. She (good friend) is VERY traditional, had a massive traditional wedding, did all the little details, etc. I feel I have got things wrong in the past, social-convention-wise, like not turned up with prosecco and a card at the right time.
Is a 1st birthday a big deal - should I honour it with a gift? Or just a card? Is it okay to get a gift for 1st birthday but not later birthdays?
I want to do a nice thing/not disappoint her if most people would expect it. But I also I don't want to get into a pattern of buying her daughter a gift for every birthday - partly because I have a few different friends who will each have 2-3 kids... it would add up and be excessive (both money-wise and in terms of stress). One factor in my decision not to have kids is money and creating landfill! I'm comfortable but not rolling in it, and we don't go in for gifts big in my family in general because of these two reasons.
Understand that good friends who have kids will tend to buy for each others' kids birthdays, but as a childfree friend... what's expected of me?