How to handle these toddler tantrums

[Moonshine160]

DS is 22 months old and is generally a little delight until it comes to stopping an activity he’s enjoying doing. We live right opposite a little park so we go there almost every day and as soon as it comes to going home he throws an almighty tantrum which seem to be getting worse, today he’s covered in cuts and grazes because he was literally throwing himself on the floor. I have to carry him back home kicking and screaming. I tell him it’s time to go home and that’s when he usually wants to go back on the swings so I say ‘just once more’ and give him a couple of extra minute, I’m not sure whether that’s the right thing to do or not, then when I say it’s home time the tantrum starts. Same thing happens when we’ve finished painting or baking and it’s time to clear everything away. It’s putting me off doing anything nice with him because of how awful the tantrums are getting. I know this is all probably normal for his age but how is best for me to handle it? Do I ignore the behaviour? I try and distract him but it doesn’t always work. Communication wise he is quite behind for his age, he understands what I’m saying but can’t say a big range of words.

Ignore, pick him up and leave.
Or, bribe

Can you try a simple countdown to warn him that time to stop is coming? 'DS, 3 more minutes painting, then we clean up', then '2 more minutes painting', '1 more minute', 'okay, all done, time to clean up', that sort of thing. I would also use some sort of distraction to bridge the transition, sing a favourite song as you clean up, point out the cat in the garden, ask if he can hop like a rabbit to the edge of the park, etc.

Can you give him a “last one” warning first, before saying it’s time to go home?

Otherwise, you’ve giving mixed messages ie it’s time to go home... okay it’s not really, we can do one more ... ok it’s definitely time to go home now! If they makes sense.

Whereas if you say “Ok last go on the swings, let’s count to eg 20 pushes and then we’re going home” and stay consistent (no adding 10 more because he’s kicking off) eventually he’ll be clear that he gets a warning and then when you say it’s home time, it’s home time.

I always give my daughter (22 months) heads up on ending activities and then try as much as possible to ensure that whatever her reaction, if I’ve said last one, it really is the last one! It has really helped x

My baby isn't yet toddler stage so this advice may or may not be helpful.
But instead of saying it's time to go home. Can you rephrase to tell him the next exciting thing that's going to happen? Eg it's now time for lunch, bumpy car journey, TV show etc (that's what I would do).

As suggested there are various things you can do to prepare for the transition, and I agree about consistency with “last one” etc, but a lot of the time they are still just going to express their disappointment at stopping the fun, the lack of control they have over their time, and other stuff, and they only have limited ways to do that. I do lots of empathising (“it’s very sad/frustrating/disappointing when we have to stop doing fun things” for example) but with momentum in the direction of where we need to go, including just picking them up and going if necessary. And absolutely not taking it personally - I find voicing their feelings helps to remind me that their emotions are strong and overwhelming and they just need you to weather the storm calmly and consistently. Sympathies though - it’s very tiring absorbing their emotions like that, but it will pass

What everybody else has said:

clear countdown so it doesn't come on as a shock

absolutely firm re "last one" (many is the time when I have carried a howling child away from somewhere)

remember that this is normal for his age- try to treat it like a normal everyday if slightly tedious occurrence

It is fine to incorporate some more upbeat transition activity- I used to tell dd to wave bye bey to the swings and say "see you soon". Dh invented a whole game of running wildebeest home from the childminder's. (Years later, he was in a town hall meeting and ended up sitting next to his councillor who lived in the next street. "I remember you", she suddenly exclaimed, "you were the wildebeest!" As an adult, dd has told us how disappointed she was the first time she saw a real wildebeest and it was nothing like as exciting as she'd believed). It won't work every time but it might work some of the time.