Age gaps

[Shelby]

Catalina - I totally agree with you. I had a nice easy pregnancy and birth with my son, who is now 16 months, and for some time my body has been saying 'why not have another one!?' But in my mind I know this would be foolish. I am not really ready emotionally or financially, and we are buying a 2 bedroomed house so there would be no room for a second baby.

Ironically, before my son was born, I only wanted 1 child whereas my partner wanted 2. Now I would love to have 2 children and he is quite content with 1. I can see many advantages with sticking at 1 and thinking rationally I would like to wait until my son is about 4 yrs old before having another baby - life would be much more manageable!

It just seems that my body has been altered by the pregnancy hormones that it had flowing through it and now it's going through a mad phase of desparately wanting to reproduce!!

Does anyone else feel that they emulated their own parents in deciding what age
gap to leave between their children? I had my children pretty close together - 17 month age gap. There is exactly 1 year and 10 days between myself and my brother. We were really close as children and still are. I'm sure this must be one of the reasons I was happy to try again, when my son was still so young.

Yes, my mother had 3 children in 4 years, and my children are just 14 months apart. I found preganacy hard work; my son was a fairly late walker and being a mere 5'2", it was a struggle to get about with him on my waist and huge bump sticking out front!

Because he was so young, he never showed any signs of jealousy when my daughter was born. He came to visit me and the 'teddy' (as he called her) in hospital, and then one day, much to his delight, we both came home - he never seemed to remember life without her. I guess he was never really aware of being the only child and never had time to get used to constant individual attention, much as it is for any second child.

The period I remember being really tough was the evenings between tea and bedime. We were all tired, my daughter would be screaming to be fed, whilst I desperately tried to give my son his routine tea/bath/story. Looking back, I wish I'd gone against my Health visitor's advice and given my baby a top-up feed of formular, cos I'm sure I was so exhausted by this stage in the day that I simply wasn't producing enough milk. did anyone else have this problem? I'm sure a little top up would have made life easier for us all. All this changed once my daughter moved on to solid food, everything seemed much calmer and life hasn't been that tough since.

I guess the plus side to having them close together is that your life never gets back to any kind of normality. You're not teased by full nights' sleep and you just can't remember life without nappies. I didn't really put anything away, so one child just moves into the other ones things (cot, highchair, clothes!) But I guess I'd really stand by my decision to have a small age gap when I watch them playing and laughing together and hear them chatting in their room on a morning. They are such good friends and really are low-maintenance because they have each other to play with and don't need constant attention. Maybe I should update in a few year's time - things could be different then!

From my recent and limited experience - the pros of a bigger age gap ie approx three years are: you can reason with (and bribe) your eldest, explain what's happening and get them to 'help'; my daughter had seen her friends acquire a sibling so it wasn't so strange a phenomenon; she was sleeping through the night (most of the time) on her way to being potty trained and starting preschool - so had a life of her own. The downside: she's still ostensibly an only child in terms of playmates; she's in the middle of tantrumsville and is manipulative and naughty to gain attention; potty training has taken a step back and I'm dreading the transfer to a big girls' bed because given half a chance she'd be in our room like a shot (her logic - if he's in there why shouldn't she be?). On balance though, compared to my friends who had a small gap it's a piece of cake - but I can't take any credit for planning it this way. The gap between my two would have been smaller but I had a miscarriage - which goes to show that you can plan all this till the cows come home, but ultimately you get what you're given, are grateful for it and you cope with it as best you can!

Having only had one child so far I can't comment on the age gaps of my own children but I found it strange that when i reached my mother's age when she had me I fell pregnant and so we were both 24 when we had our first children, to me it was suddenly a case of 'well if my Mum did it then so can I'. The thing that is worrying me is that then she had my brother four yrs later, THEN had my sister 14 yrs after that!!! It was a planned pregnancy for her and my Dad and she loves being an older Mum as much as she loved being a young Mum. However I will be amazed and shocked if I follow suit!

I haven't emulated my mum, although there is a similar 8 year age gap between my girls as between my sister and me. But that's because my sister and brother's mother died when they were tiny. Dad went on to marry my mum and had me when my sis and bro were 8 and 5 years old. Then there is my younger brother, 2 years my junior. We fought like cat and dog, so I never wanted two years between my children.

We have 4.5yrs, 8yrs, and 9 yrs between our four children. We didn't plan things that way, but I feel we've been able to give each child the individual attention that I felt I missed out on when I was young.

Don't you also find there's just a 'feeling' of a right time to start trying again? You get a personal vibe of when to go for it ... hopefully not thwarted by nature!

I am a twin with another 2 much older sisters so no repeat history here. I do think being a twin has probably influenced my decision to leave a bit of a gap. I never had my parents to myself (although of course it was nice being a twin too). There will be approx 2 3/4 years between No 1 and 2. Also my son is very active and I just not could not have contemplated having two children when he was younger - I would have been too exhausted. I hoping that I'll have a month or two of no nappies before the next onslaught!

Kiljate - I think you are right to some extent - I am sure I got pregnant round about the time my periods finally settled down after extensive breastfeeding (which is still going on but that is another story ...)