I don't really know what I want from this but I just feel I need to get it out.
I had DS 2.5 years ago and suffered PND that I didn't seek help for until lockdown hit when ds was 18 months old. I finally saught help as wfh and caring for ds sent me to the point of physically pulling at my hair to regain some control. I started taking Sertraline which helped loads, I felt loads better.
I then fell pregnant with dd who was born 12 days ago. I'm EBF and recovering from a c section.
For the first week I felt really good with dd and I was confident my feeling a bit 'off' with ds was due to me not being able to hold him and play as I usually would due to the section.
The last fews days I've just felt a bit flat. I've tried to get out of the house but bloody lockdown is making that difficult. i don't know if this feeling of flatness is because of fear of PND returning or is actually PND returning.
I feel awful for saying it but I live for the days ds is at nursery because he gets so much more stimulation there than we could ever give him.
The constant chatter of a 2.5year old really gets on my nerves and I'm struggling to keep my patience (not outwardly but inside).
Ds obviously doesn't understand the arrival of his new sibling and we understand that and are using positive reinforcement using stickers to reward good behaviour.
The days just feel bloody long with lockdown.
I don't know if these feelings are then return of PND or I'm feeling the fear of the return and its putting a decide between me and each of my kids.
I have moments where I feel really greatful and others where I feel fed up at the sound of ds' voice and of being milked like a cow by dd.
Like I say, I don't know what I want from this, just maybe has anyone felt like this with their second child? Is 12 days too early to expect to feel a certain way or feel bad for feeling a certain way?