So we're having a bit of a nightmare with my DSS. He's lived with us for 10 years since my DH got custody via the Court due to his mother's mental health issues. DSS is 16 and first year at college. His mother hasn't played a very active role in practical things but DSS is very close with her and has had regular contact over the years, staying overnight there alternate weekends.
We had a bit of a disagreement, mainly due to him not following lock down rules and us being over cautious due to shielding etc.
DSS solution was to stay at his mums for a while until covid cases calmed down. We agreed and thought it would be a short term arrangement.
Within 3 days his mum is contacting us saying DSS wants it to be a permanent arrangement (he hasn't communicated this to us), she isn't sure as her mental health is fragile but wants the child benefit so she can access other benefits! We've now agreed to just pay that to her direct while things get ironed out. We've tried to communicate with her regarding college as there are issues with his non-attendance and poor grades but we get nothing back from her.
Now DSS isn't talking to us, his mum is removing us from contact list at college (which we have now rectified) and being extremely difficult with us.
Not sure what we are supposed to do going forward. He's at an age where he can make his own decisions to a certain extent but his grades and attendance are slipping at college and we just get the impression his mum is not overly bothered about it all.
A part of me feels if we push him he will cut all ties but then also, we don't want to step off completely. Anybody have any words of wisdom, we're both feeling a bit lost right now.