At my wits end with feeding baby :( please help

[Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp]

We have such a battle to feed our 12 week old DD and I'm really struggling with it.

We just can't get her to drink well at all, her intake has been the same for weeks now and I'm really worried that we can't get enough into her. She drinks on average about 600ml per day, and the guidance on formula feeding states she should be having at least 800ml per day. She feeds every 4 hours at the moment, we've tried every 3 hours or just on demand, but the end result is the same. Today I had to wake her from her nap 4.5 hours since her last feed and she would only take 80ml, and that was a battle in itself.

She was weighed on Monday at the hospital (she's under a paediatrician there) and her weight gain is tracking perfectly against her centile (between 25th and 50th), and she is peeing and pooing frequently. But I feel under so much pressure to get her intake up to scratch.

I just feel like I'm failing her, failing as a mum, failing my family.

I am going to contact the gp tomorrow about this, and to get some help for post natal depression (which I'm aware is likely linked to how I feel about it all), but in the meantime does anyone have any tips or just reassurance that she may be getting enough?

Are you feeling under pressure from health professionals to get her to feed more, or from yourself?

The amounts are just a guide, and if she is gaining weight fine, then that is probably all she needs. It sounds like she is healthy, and the hospital are happy.

I hope you get the help from the GP that you needs, as I feel you ae putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself.

I think you should go easy on yourself. Some babies take more than the guide and some take less. A general rule of thumb is 2.5oz per lb of weight. What weight is your baby?

If she is putting in weight then she's getting enough milk for her.

It's mostly from me. The consultant on Monday said she was gaining well but that that she 'should' take more. So I didn't feel reassured at all 😔

I keep trying to tell myself that she is getting enough, otherwise she wouldn't be filling her nappies and growing, but then when time comes to feed and she doesn't take much it all goes to pot. I've spent most of her last few feeds crying because I so desperately want to be giving her enough and I'm worried I'm not.

Sorry for the drip feed, but my DS had serious health issues as a baby and ended up being fed by a NG tube for a few months, which is probably a factor in how I'm dealing with it (or not).

I've got to call the gp first thing to try and get a triage call.

She weighed in at 5.4kg which is 11.7lb. So on that guide she should be having 30oz ish a day, she's taking 20oz on average. It doesn't even feel close enough to be sufficient.

If she’s on her centile line then I wouldn’t worry too much. I was always told it’s if they went way below or above it then to worry

Also as pp says, a guide is roughly 2.5oz for every lb of weight, is she inline with this?

I keep getting upset in front of my DS, which just adds to how crappy its making me feel. DH is telling me to send DS to school (he is a keyworker and so gets a place at our school, even though I'm home) for the sake of his and my mental health. But I just don't think it's OK to, even though we'd both benefit from it.

You can't force a baby to take more than they want though. Some babies just aren't that into milk. If she is gaining thats good.

Gently, what action could you possibly take that would make her drink more milk than she wants to? There isn't anything you could do. It sounds like she's doing really well, and you sound like a lovely mum. I'm sorry you're having a tough time with this. For whatever it's worth, please accept this internet stranger's support to give yourself a break about this.

I would take a breath and not worry too much about it. Some babies take more, some less. She would let you know if she were hungry and as she's tracking at a good weight that should be reassuring. It's a good idea getting some advice and support from your GP, its overwhelming being a new mum and dissecting absolutely everything you do not knowing if it's right or wrong. It's exhausting! Go easy on yourself and try not to worry too much, it sounds like you're in good hands with the professionals too! X

@Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp here's another thread with the same issue at the same age. You are not alone!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/4148376-3-month-old-20-25-oz-per-day

Hi OP, just to say, mine is the same - even now at nearly 6 months she will rarely take more than 2oz at a time 🤷‍♀️. We're trying to get her into a nap routine at the moment and all the guides assume you can just "give a full feed at X o'clock".. ha! If only!

However.. her weight is fine (we had a problem earlier when still direct bfing so bought our own scales and weigh her once a week). The worst thing we did was try to push feeding too much - she ended up with a feeding aversion (crying whenever the bottle appeared ) which took a few weeks to sort out.

Maybe get yourself some scales if you think it would reassure you? We got ours 2nd hand for £20

What bottle and teat size are you using? Have you tried a faster flow?

I feel your pain, my DD was a very fussy feeder and I struggled to get 18oz into her at 3 months! She had reflux though, but I went up a teat size and that really helped.

Thank you all so much for the reassurance and kindness. I really needed it today.

I'm definitely worried about her starting to get an aversion to feeding if we keep trying to push it more. I have to learn to be ok with stopping when she is telling me she's had enough. I just need to work on my need for her to be feeding a certain amount - somehow.

Scales might be a good shout.. not being able to get the weight checked regularly isn't helping when feeding is an issue.

@CatandBaby can I ask, have you had reassurance from any HCPs about your DDs intake?

@Vicky1989x we are using Tommy Tippee bottles, she's on a size 2 teat as we did think she was having an issue with flow. She can on occasion drink a whole bottle, so I don't think that is a problem.

Is she under the paediatrician for a different matter? As you say she’s tracking her centile so what is the worry?

Yes she's under the paediatrician for something else. She was having some extra checks because of her brothers health issues, and they happened to pick something up that's unrelated to his condition but they want to investigate to be on the safe side. It isn't related to her feeding.

@Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp not specifically about her intake, no. We've seen doctors about her tongue tie (she had it snipped at 2.5 weeks and we've been told she still has a slight residual tie, but given her weight gain is fine they don't recommend operating again) and possible silent reflux (which turned out to actually be a feeding aversion).

She dropped down to the 0.4 centile at 4 weeks and has steadily climbed back up to the 30th (in line with her birth weight) so I'm not worried about her weight. The only thing is that she sleeps loads better when she's eaten more in the day so we do try to encourage her without pushing it too hard.

@CatandBaby great you've managed to get her weight back up. Does she do best on little and often, or does it not make much difference overall? My baby doesn't really show signs of hunger and has on several occasions totally rejected bottles when we've tried to give smaller mroe regularly. So we wait for four hours now but then she still doesn't drink loads. Just don't know what the best way for us to approach it is.

My DS now 12 never took more than 6oz feeds ever he hated bottles every feed felt like a battle. He was prem 2lb 8 born and fell off the charts completely. He only weighed just over 10lb when I weaned him at 6 months he was like a different baby absolutely loved food and still does. He was tiny til he was about 5. I wouldn't worry too much if she's putting on weight and growing fine

Mine doesn't drink even the minimum what she should and she's on the 98th centile for weight and height....

@Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp tbh we just get it in her whenever she'll take it.. her favourite time (other than right before bed) is just before a walk when she's all bundled up in her pram suit 🤷‍♀️

All babies are different. The amounts on the formula tub are just a guide.
My youngest never took more than 4 oz at a time. And then at 6 months we started weaning. So she took the same amount.
The amounts on the tub are just a guide not a target

Get an experienced lactation consultant to check her for a posterior tongue tie .

My DD is 14 weeks old and also on the 25th centile and usually has between 20-25oz a day and usually only manages 3-4oz a feed. I always worry its not enough too, but she won't take more no matter how much I try to offer her the bottle!

Thanks everyone. It's very reassuring to hear that it's not just us.

Viewing it as a guide and not a target is good advice! Thank you.

We had a call from a feeding specialist last week to discuss feeding and possible tongue tie, she didn't feel there was an issue with tt but is booking us into her clinic in the next couple of weeks.

I breastfed, so not exactly the same. But it meant I had no idea how much my daughter was having. I could only go off her gaining weight. I stressed a lot about how long she fed for and how often.

She dropped weight at one point, (which I think was an error on the scales) as at her next check up she'd caught back up and some. Back on the same curve.

If she's gaining, I really wouldn't worry x