Breastfeeding goals: the home stretch

[Elemzee]

Hi I hope everyone is keeping well. I'm a long-time lurker and a fan of mumsnet! I registered as I could do with some new perspectives from mothers. It's nice to e-meet you :)

I wondered if anyone on here might help lift my motivation. I intend to breastfeed my 19 month old until around the age of 2. It's incredibly important to me that I do this. But my motivation is lagging. I'm mentally drained, it's lockdown I'm sure as I am with my kids most days.

I'm not going to stop so please don't tell me to. This is the home stretch, the end is in sight. I remember the feeling of achievement and lasting peace when I stopped when I was truly ready with my first child. I'd like it to end well like that again.

I just wondered if others might share how they pick themselves up when breastfeeding feels hard, tedious, irritating even. Do you do something in particular to lift you spirits? I'd like to treat myself but lockdown has got me out of ideas :)

Thank you in advance
Elemzee

What in particular do you find hard about it? You have done a great job getting so far and I am interested as to why you think 2 years is an important milestone to get to. I am feeding a 15 month old and will stop when either of us gets fed up with it.

Hello and welcome!

Are you breastfeeding on demand 24/7 and still doing night feeds?

I stopped night feeds when DC1 was 10 months old, and felt much happier about continuing to breastfeed after that. He would still wake around 5am and wouldn't settle without being fed or held, so I did continue feeding him at that time, until we introduced a gro clock when he was about 18 months old, and that sorted the early wakings. When I didn't have to breastfeed between his bedtime and 6.30am it suddenly felt much less of a chore

I also worked part time so he obviously wouldn't breastfeed when I was at work. But you might be a SAHM or WFH with DC still around?

Hello, I am breastfeeding a 13m old, all night and a couple of times during the day. I find it helps if I can have some time away from LO altogether, so I can't see or hear him! haha. bit difficult atm so just getting outside for a bit. also find it helpful to have some nice things just for me to use in the shower. so I love LUSH shower oils. something that lasts after the shower and keeps me feeling pampered!

you're doing fab, 19m is great! I would also like to get to 2 years, and we are holding off trying for no.2 until then.

Thank you for your replies.

@soundofsilence1, it's the non-stop of it all. I feel touched out, and want to do it less. But as a SAHM and with lockdown, I feel like my daughter wants to breastfeed all the time! As for the 2 year mark, it's special to me because I fed my son up until that age and want to be fair to my daughter, treat them equally if you see what I mean.

@Namechange30 yes I do still feed her at night. I suspect you are right, that by working towards night weaning it will feel much more manageable. I'd like to nightwean, would you believe it if I said I'm nervous to try?! I had managed it by this time with my son, largely because I had returned to work and needed continuous sleep. But this time round I am not employed so have just kept going.

How did you manage to nightwean if you don't mind sharing?

I agree with PP, night wean and it becomes much easier. I'm struggling again now (shes 2 and 2 months) as I'm heavily pregnant with DD3 and my boobs are sore and temper is short, but I started cutting down from 18m and its allowed me to carry on much longer.

I stopped offering all the time at 18m then what I find really helps now that shes bored and wants it loads is to have set times and a set place to feed - she cant just have a snack at will (unless she's hurt herself etc and I feel she needs it), and we have to go up to the nursing chair upstairs which will interrupt her playing. That reduced it loads and made it feel more manageable. If shes asking and I dont want to at that moment I either offer a snack or if I think its the connection she wants I cuddle her close and play silly games like kissing all over her face, pretending to eat her neck, peekaboo etc. Doesnt always work but if shes really insistent there's usually a reason so I just feed her then.

I think 19m is a great age to night wean - I prepared DD for a couple of weeks talking about how the boobies have to go to sleep at night and reading a book called 'Nursies when the sun shines'. Then one night I fed her until drowsy, said night night boobies and rocked her to sleep. The first wake up she was FUMING! The second still not happy. The next night she was still grumpy but no tears and within a week she stopped asking when she woke up. I offer a drink of water and cuddles, kisses, whisper stories to her, whatever she needs, but no bf at night. 2 warnings though - first, I got my periods back within a few weeks of doing this and was pregnant within 2 months! And also, she still wakes in the night, it hasn't made her sleep through. She still cosleeps sometimes too. So its not a magic fix but I'm really glad I did it and it wasn't as hard as I expected.

As you are still feeding at night, I definitely advise you to night wean. You still deserve a break at night even if not working, arguably looking after littles is harder anyway

As I said, DC1 was 10 months old, still a baby really, but as your DC is a bit older, I wonder if they might be able to understand if you explained it a bit? (I remember being pleasantly surprised that DC1 understood the concept of the gro clock at 19 months.) I think there are different methods - you can try doing it gradually, for example cutting one feed at a time and/or gradually cutting down the time for each feed, but I was advised to go cold Turkey and that's what I did. The person who advised me explained that it can be confusing for the baby if they are sometimes given milk and sometimes not, so they will cry for longer in the hope of getting it, whereas if they consistently don't get milk, they will understand and give up quicker.

Husband and I did it together, split the night in half and did shifts of sleeping (with ear plugs) and baby duty. The first couple of nights were hard but then DC started settling very easily without milk... we were holding/rocking him to sleep and then we had the second phase which was getting him to settle in his cot. That was harder but apparently some babies settle that way fine once they are used to settling without milk 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've done amazingly so far! If you've got to this point, you can definitely reach your goal.

Are you on Instagram? I follow some BF accounts and they give me a boost.

Still breastfeeding at close to 14 months here and don’t find it difficult. But I would like to stop soon, but not sure how. I think you would find it a lot easier if you stopped the night feeding. Now your dc is doing it out of habit so you will need to help break the habit. Otherwise your child will continue to wake in the night well beyond 1 or two years! The way we moved on from it was I made sure she ate enough solids in the day and I fed her well at 11pm and then wouldn’t feed her again after (at 9 months). She only woke once a couple days and cried a few mins before falling back asleep and then stopped waking. Then at 10 months we dropped the 11pm feed.

Why are you feeding all day? I keep breastfeeding morning, before or after her noon nap and before bed. So 3 times a day and she eats solids and gets snacks twice a day. If I was feeding her all day I think I would feel drained. In between feeds she is offered water. She doesn’t really ask for breastfeeding outside of these times as she is busy exploring etc. But as a baby we made it a habit once she got out of the newborn on demand feeding we scheduled feeds....as I don’t believe letting them feed all the time when they want sets good sleep habits. Plus it just didn’t work for me with two other kids.

I Need till my son was about 2 yr 3 months. Stopped because I was getting heavy with my second. The trick was to take it a day at a time n not focus on end date. Night weaning which I did around 18 months helped him more than me: he slept better, ate solids a teeny weeny better. As for touching it doesn't really stop fully. I suspect they feel the need to touch as premodern life, we would have breasfed longer. Hang on and good luck

Thank you everyone for your insights and words of encouragement. Wow I feel like those of you with feeding boundaries are so much more on top of your game than I am! I remember doing those things with my first born, but this second time round circumstances are different I'm a stay-at-home, locked down, homeschooling mum! So I have just muddled my way through with breastfeeding my toddler because I'm hardly away from the. But some great ideas have been suggested which I'm going to try.

@Sheleg yes I am on Instagram, which BF people do you follow?