Feeling selfish with new pregnancy and 8m old

[NC223344]

I don’t know what I want from this, I am just an emotional mess lately. Me and DP were excited to have two children so didn’t take any contraception and we’re letting nature decide when that would happen (BFing DC1 so we weren’t sure exactly when periods would start/I’d start ovulating).

So since becoming pregnant again I feel like I’m being totally selfish and things DC1 really enjoyed I’m trying to stop.

BFing is so sore I cry sometimes because he’s always been a snacker popping on/off but now it’s so painful because they’re sensitive I find myself trying everything possible to avoid BFing, even starting to use a dummy at night.

That takes me to point 2, we’ve been co sleeping for about 5 months and we really love it, he snuggles in and I get more sleep. Now I’m panicking that I don’t want him being woken up when new baby arrives so trying to get him in his cot/own room eventually before they arrive.

I feel like he’s the only one losing out here, because of our selfish decision, he eats really well and with the variety of food the HV said don’t worry about the lack of milk if you don’t want to feed him as much. I just feel really really guilty. That so much of what he loves to do (cuddle in bed and BF) I’m trying to take away. I can’t see any other way?

I think you just need to accept that it is what it is - this is one of the biggest drawbacks of such a small age gap, your first baby doesn't get so much of a classic babyhood. Presumably, there were reasons you wanted them so close together? Try to focus on those positives.

FWIW, i never coslept, and DD still got plenty of cuddles and is a very happy snuggly 14m old who sleeps in her own room with no problem. It really isn't the end of the world, though it might be hard work to change at first.

I would say, if you're breastfeeding less during the day, you should probably offer either more food or formula instead. He doesn't need it overnight so if you end up nightweaning, count that as a victory!

Thanks for the caring responses @Ohalrightthen yes, there will be positives. We wanted them close so they have someone to get up to mischief together, can mostly be in school together, experience life at a similar time. And from our perspective getting the ‘baby’ years out the way quickly will be beneficial for us long term. Normal things like long haul holidays and no nursery fees will be a one time thing.

I suppose I didn’t expect to feel this feeding aversion, it’s like as soon as he starts feeding I feel touched out.

He eats ALOT, you’re right about eating more, I’ve also been advised to give extra vitamins to make sure he’s not lacking in anything but she was happy with the quantity and variety he was getting.

I tried pumping today and that was less ‘icky’ feeling so I may exclusively pump, we’ll see how that goes.

Yeah, it’s not that I think all babies need to go sleep to be happy but he loves it. I didn’t think about that when we were thinking of no.2! When I come back from having a shower and DP is settling him for the evening I walk in and he smiles and puts his arms out and then we go to sleep cuddled. I feel like I’m taking that away from him.

I need to get out of this funk.