Baby hates me!!!

[Gabriella93]

I know it sounds crazy but I am sure my 5 week old hates me! He is so unhappy and cries most of the time unless he's asleep or feeding. I know it probably isn't me but I genuinely do feel at times he doesnt like me. I hold him and cuddle him all day or he's in the carrier but that doesn't even settle him sometimes. I've cut dairy out my diet to see if that makes him happier because he's also sick a lot but no luck yet and Drs think maybe its reflux but part of me just thinks he doesn't like me or I'm not meeting his needs somehow. Feel really down about it. I want to be able to comfort my baby but he screams and screams even when I'm cuddling him and kissing him 😩 I have booked a cranial osteopath treatment for next week to see if that helps but honestly I just dont know what to do. Feel like a shit mum!!!!

He's sick a lot and the doctor thinks he may have reflux? That is probably your answer, reflux makes his tummy sore which will make him irritable. He doesn't hate you, he really doesn't, his crying is him trying to communicate something, probably his discomfort, you are his one safe place. Has the GP offered you anything for the reflux?

My LO has reflux/ have you been prescribed anything, spoken to the paediatrics team? Your baby doesn’t hate you they may just be in pain. At this age all they will do is eat and sleep, he will soon smile and “play” .

Yeah the Dr said we can try omeprazole in 2 weeks if cutting dairy out hasn't worked. Sometimes I think its reflux but other times I'm not sure. He doesn't cry straight after a feed, it can be about 10 - 15 mins after and at night time he doesnt cry loads, maybe just once. Xx

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired and emotional and being stupid. I just wish he would be happy with me :(

You're not being stupid, the early days of motherhood are unbelievably tough and the sleep deprivation if mentally and physically exhausting. The crying sounds like reflux, how is his weight gain?

@Gabriella93

Yeah the Dr said we can try omeprazole in 2 weeks if cutting dairy out hasn't worked. Sometimes I think its reflux but other times I'm not sure. He doesn't cry straight after a feed, it can be about 10 - 15 mins after and at night time he doesnt cry loads, maybe just once. Xx

Dairy takes 4-5 wks to leave your system, you should also be trying omeprazole, it’s making a huge diff to my LO. Does he arch his back, any blood in the poo, any obvious pain when he passes it?

@Gabriella93

I don't know, maybe I'm just tired and emotional and being stupid. I just wish he would be happy with me :(

Early days can feel endless but it all passes- my advice is get some rest and stop over thinking everything.

@Gabriella93 he doesn't hate you. He will find comfort in you more than anyone (even if it doesn't feel like it) because he's been part of you for 9 months.
Have you tried some baby massage that focuses on his tummy? I watched this and tried some, my baby (11 weeks) seemed to like it :)
m.youtube.com/watchv=2Z0VcLpk5qU
Plus at 5 weeks he will be going through his first leap. Look up the wonder weeks and leaps. Its a fussy period where they go through a development leap but can make them cry more, be clingy, not sleep etc.
Hang in there, I PROMISE you it gets better, my baby is 11 weeks now and I've only started to really enjoy him properly the last couple of weeks, he smiles and laughs now and it makes it all worth it.

It is exhausting! Im on an endless cycle of feeding, changing and then trying to stop him from crying. My partner can't settle him so I dont get a break at all and i feel so sorry for my baby if he's in pain! He is still putting on weight but he does feed a lot so I can see why, even though we go through about 6 outfits a day due to the amount of sick x

Are you being fobbed off by the Dr? You might need to log or video the crying over 24h to show you aren't "just worrying".

Baby does not hate you, baby is distressed and only knows one way to communicate right now! Baby loves you, you are his world. Hope dr is more helpful.

This is the chart of when they should go through their development leaps

@OnlyFoolsnMothers he does arch his back sometimes, like his whole body goes so tense and rigid when he's crying, poos are normal but he does stran to fart/poo. I'll keep trying with the dairy free but I might see if my Dr will give me the omeprazole sooner xx

@biscuit13 thank you for the video, ill definitely try the massage technique. At the moment I just rub his tummy and do bicycle legs which sometimes helps him pass glass, he likes a nice bath too. I cant wait for him to laugh and smile properly that will be really nice. Thank you for your kinds words 💕

@MerryDecembermas yeah I do a bit, they haven't even seen me, just a phone call which is frustrating. I keep getting told colic even by the HV but i didn't think colic could be all day long crying x

[quote Gabriella93]@OnlyFoolsnMothers he does arch his back sometimes, like his whole body goes so tense and rigid when he's crying, poos are normal but he does stran to fart/poo. I'll keep trying with the dairy free but I might see if my Dr will give me the omeprazole sooner xx[/quote]
Could also be colic. You can ask the gp to refer you to your local paediatrics- due to his age they will likely see him quickly.

Aw so sorry to read this. My DD1 was the same, is this your first baby? She was a colicky baby and miserable all day except when she fed or slept. I felt exactly the same as you and remember writing a post saying 'my baby hates me'. Something changed around 8 weeks and she seemed a bit happier and generally ok by 3 months, although she's still a moaner at 19 months! I think colic is one of those things that they grow out of although infacol did help, I used to add to her milk. DD2 (3 months) is a totally different baby and I'm doing exactly the same things. So you're not a shit mum you just have a tricky baby right now. Having DD2 who is happy 99% of the time shows me how hard DD1 was so I sympathise hugely but it will pass! Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing

Just to add I found each stage got easier. First 6 weeks hell, then she started to smile, sleep a bit better, stopped crying all her waking hours. Until suddenly around the 3 month mark you're starting to enjoy it a bit more. I wish someone had told me that in the early days as I thought this was what baby's were like the whole time!

@Frazzled99 he is my 1st baby and its nothing like what I thought having a baby would be like :( can't imagine having another. How did you get through it? I dont even understand what colic is or how you're supposed to help it. I've tried infacol but it doesn't do much and he does burp so I'm confused. Thank you, I hope it does get easier soon and I have a happy baby x

@Gabriella93 I know exactly how you feel. I got through it because I had to but it was awful. I swore I'd never have another but 8 months later was pregnant with no.2! Even with no.2 the newborn bit has been hard but nothing compared to miserable DD1! Muddle through these early days as best you can...you're at 5 weeks, the worst is over so well done! Couple more weeks and hopefully he'll be a bit happier and less colicky. Once he starts sleeping and you get some more sleep and he gets in a routine you suddenly think yes!!! It will happen, it was around 3 months for me. My DD2 is 3 months tomorrow and again I'm feeling much more in my stride now. I can't give you many tips for right now but I can tell you better days are ahead so hang in there. Oh and don't expect too much of yourself and get OH to help wherever he can, mine were bottle fed (expressed for 6 weeks and then formula) so we shared feeds/night shifts etc.

It gets better, I promise. You're doing great!

How is your milk supply? I had super fast letdown and a reflux baby, it helped when I fed him reclined as it slowed the milk and he swallowed less air, then was sick less.
Also upright for 30mins after every feed.

Oh @Gabriella93 those early days are brutal! Colic is a shit term used to describe crying that has no reason. It’s does sound more like reflux with the sick too. Omeprozle was a game changer for my boy. Push the doctor for it sooner.

Are you holding him upright for at least 30 min after a feed (so hard at night I know!) gentle tummy massage, warm bath, bicycle legs, tiger in tree pose

Other things to consider are skin to skin to help calm him. Try to rest. If he is really screaming and it’s constant and you have done all you can step away and dad take over just to give you a breather. It’s so hard. I remember sitting in the car with a cup of tea and a podcast for 20 min when my boy was peak crying. It was awful. I just needed a break.

We also tried tummy calm tea from amazon which worked quite well.

It’s so hard but it does get better.

@frazzled99 thank you so much for all your kind words, I really appreciate it. Its good to know im not alone in having a baby like this. All my friends babies are so calm and sleep well in comparison, I know I shouldn't compare but its hard not too. Feel like I missed out on the lovely newborn days and cuddles. Congratulations on your 2nd little one! You must have your hands full now bless you. I'm breastfeeding at the moment so doing all the night feeds but maybe I can express so my OH can have him sometimes xxx

@whatelsecouldibecalled Yes! I hate it when the Dr or HV visitor says "oh its just colic" okay, great but I need help! Haha. What symptoms did your boy have with his reflux? I'll see if I can get a phone call with the Dr again and get it sooner. He's never really laying down at all tbh, he's always being upright or in the carrier. It's just when I change his nappy but tbh he is sick whatever position he is, it just pours out of him the poor boy!

Thank you for your advice, ill try the tummy tea for sure and some more belly massage. My OH is very good at doing the bicycle legs and getting the farts out haha. Xx

@covidcakeconundrum I think my left boob has a faster let down because he just won't feed off that one unless I'm laying down, but im not too sure how I check how fast my let down is? Xx