Is my 4 year old overweight and what should I do?

[RoseGoldEagle]

I was told by our HV that DD is overweight. She’s on the 91st centile for weight, which is the same as she was at birth (she’s now 4). The problem is that her height, which was 75th centile at birth, has dropped to under the 50th- it’s been like that for a while. So there’s quite a discrepancy between her weight and height. We feed her a good diet- range of healthy foods with the occasional chocolate/sweet thing so it doesn’t become an obsession but overall she eats well, and I did lots of research into portion sizes etc and think they are fine. DH and I are tall and slim, not that that’s necessarily relevant. She has what I feel is a good attitude to food at the moment, enjoys a range of things, has a healthy appetite but stops when she’s full. HV suggested reducing portions but I’m so wary of doing it as I’ve read restricting food can lead to over eating in the long run as they then binge when they can, and lose their agility to self regulate. (And I feel trying to bring her down to 50th or 75th centile when she’s always been on the 91st seems wrong somehow). Am I in denial though, certainly taking her height and weight into account she’s coming out as very overweight. Any advice would be really appreciated, please be kind, I’m really worried but just don’t know what to do for the best. Thank you!

parents are really bad at seeing their child's true weight. There is not really such a thing as big boned-yes kids can have a larger frame than others but you have to be really careful not to use big bones as an excuse.
what is your son's bmi?

I will have to check his height to work out his BMI but he really does have a very large frame - has feet almost same size (and much wider!) than his 7 year old brother, bigger hands, (much!) bigger head, very broad shoulders.

I do question whether he eats too much so I do keep an eye on his appearance. Compared to his older brother at the same age he isn’t carrying any of the ‘toddler chub’ of his brother aged 4 who had filled out cheeks and slight pudgy fingers etc at this age (older brother is now so skinny I struggle to find trousers that don’t fall from his hips!).

Are you sure she was weighed and measured correctly? It's quite difficult to accurately measure the height of a 4 year old, and one or two centimetres difference makes quite a bit of difference to both the centile and the BMI calculation.

It's also possible the HV made a mistake - we got the "overweight kid" letter home from school when DS was 4 and a normal weight (BMI around the 25th percentile), either the nurse messed up a measurement or mixed him up with another kid.

If you still think she is a bit overweight then at 4 you don't need to do anything drastic (she has lots of upward growing to do) - small changes and plenty of exercise are probably all that are needed.

@QAplomb - were you the OP in the thread you linked to? Sounds very similar to my DS (down to nicknaming his head ‘the bowling ball!).

@lockedownloretta

would ANYBODY enjoy a ryvita and cottage cheese for breakfast??? really?!!

I know!! This place is bonkers sometimes. Ryvita and cottage cheese for a child for breakfast 🤮 or a teenager eating only half a sandwich for lunch 😆

Doesn’t seem a ridiculous amount to me.
Defo one slice of toast though and I wouldn’t give seconds at dinner time.

I think it's about holding her at this weight while her height catches up, rather than trying to loose anything.

I think a bit more protein would be a good idea at breakfast - eggs or yogurt or peanut butter. Make sure lunchtime sandwich has enough protein. A smaller afternoon snack - again more protein, less ricecakes or crackers. And I wonder does she need pudding - even fruit or yogurt - after dinner given she's had a snack at teatime? (Obviously pudding once at the weekend OK)

I'd gradually reduce over a month, so she doesn't notice. If it doesn't work ie she seems hungry and that means she's going to keep gaining weight then get a dietician referral - but I reckon it'll get sorted.

@lockedownloretta There is not really such a thing as big boned

My wrist is wider than my husband's. Pretty sure there's no fat there. Fingers the same.

My head is quite big (unable to wear some hats) - no fat there either.

My feet are above average size for a woman (or at least what was average when I was younger).

I've seen women wearing jeans which I wouldn't get my skeleton into.

OK, that last one may be an exaggeration - but there was at least one pair I wouldn't get my arms into, and loads I wouldn't have been able to wear even as a slim teenager.

@Bubbinsmakesthreen yes it was me!!

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate these opinions. I don’t think she looks chubby at all, but am aware I’m perhaps not a good judge of that. She seems broader than other children- like wider shoulders, I was looking at her arm when she was doing some drawing next to a friend the same age (before lockdown obvs!) and it’s not that her arm looks fat but just it was wider at the wrist than her friends, I really don’t know if I’m deluding myself there but that’s the way it seems! Some great tips about food, thank you, I agree it does seem quite carb heavy and will look at reducing that and upping her protein more.

Can I just ask the people talking about 'big boned'- my children who were bigger at birth (9lb 5 and 10lb) would of course be broader than my other two who were around the 8lbs mark and have stayed that way at the different age levels. Is it not a given that they're big boned?

I don’t think that about the birth weights and big bones. My biggest at birth is on the lowest percentile line. My smallest at birth is now my biggest/chunkiest. I’ve had DC down as low as the 2nd and up as high as the 91st at various ages. One dc was born on the 50th was on the 91st by age 2 and the 9th by age 5.

Do people really only feed their children fruit for breakfast? It's hardly healthy is it? Or filling for that matter?
My dd is nearly 6 and eats similar foods.
Breakfast of pancake/toast/cereal and sometimes fruit
Snack of fruit if she wants it
Dinner of sandwich/wrap/toastie etc salad and a yogurt
Snack of crackers etc or sometimes biscuit or chocolate
Tea is whatever we are having tonight it was chilli and rice
People get weird on here about food but if you are truly concerned maybe cut down one snack and/or portion sizes

Why is she having so many deserts. I’d stope the yogurts as they are usually full of sugar and just have fruit.
Other than that is sounds very reasonable. As long as she’s eating homemade food I don’t think you should restrict a 4 year old too much. She might be due a growth spurt and restricting her when she’s naturally more hungry could set upa weird relationship with food.

One of mine has bounced all over the centiles. But my ‘big boned’ DS was off the scale from the 12 week scan and has stayed there. He has had a gigantic head and broad shoulders from birth (thank god for ELCS!). He’s never going to be the same weight as another child his age and height with more typical proportions.

I don't think her weight is so bad
My 3&4yo are 17 kg an their super skinny ?? I wouldn't try to loose it as such but I would try to keep it the same and not encourage any extra

But Cheese is full of fat so I'd try to not give that as much and cut down on the bread so maybe cereal for breakfast and only 1 slice of bread at dinner. Also cucumber sticks with nuggets or even celeriac fries. Their amazing alternative !!

My ds did the keto diet so I learnt a lot doing that!
But heartleys sugar free jelly you make yourself has virtually nothing in so that would be great as a treat with nothing in at all! Because normal jelly is just loaded with shit, also try home made ice cream or their is keto ice cream around- Ino I'm saying keto a lot but it's amazing snacks for her tha doesn't have much crap in so she can enjoy and you'd not feel guilty giving the seconds x

My 4 year old is on the 99th centile for weight and has been since 6 months old. I would be worried about it except that he has a twin brother who is on the 2nd centile and has been since he was born and they eat exactly the same, if anything my teeny twin eats much better, certainly he’s less fussy and finishes his meals more often than my big twin. They’re young, they’re still growing. Cut down on sugar and up her veg intake and relax.

My DD who was 9lb at birth was always at the higher end and I was told she was overweight aged 5-8. I worried, got no advice though I asked for it and continued with healthy diet and about age 8/9 she started to elongate now she's like a gazelle.

Stick with a healthy diet and nothing restricted. .

I think you should change to ..

I slice of toast with dippy egg for breakfast. Water

Sandwich plus lots of veg sticks for lunch. Water

Snack apple, berries or veg sticks. Water

Evening meal with a massive pile of veg. Water

Greek yogurt and berries

More water, more protein, tons more veg, less bread, more walking

'A teenager only eating half a sandwich at lunch.' Yes, that's competitive undereating at its finest. My 15yo dd eats like a pig and is nowhere near overweight.

I was made to feel like the worlds worst parent when my daughter was overweight for most of her childhood. We followed all the dieticians advice to the letter, we’d watch as she grew into her weight (as paediatrician recommended) and then piled it all on again and mumsnet told me how I was an awful mum who was just a feeder and a liar for not knowing why she was so heavy. She never had sugary or fizzy drinks, she didn’t have junk food snacks or chocolate and crisps. It was heartbreaking for her feeling different.

My daughter was the first in her class to hit puberty and shot up in height by about 6” almost overnight. She is now exactly as she should be for her height. She’s not overweight in the slightest.

Don’t get caught up in weight worries because it can drive you crazy. If you stick to appropriate portion sizes and a balanced diet, that includes occasional treats, then nature will do what it intends to do.

I have a 5 yr old DD who for a lot of her life has been a high centile for weight and a low one for height. As an EBF baby she was 9th for height and 91st for weight!!

When she was 4 I did start to think maybe she looked a bit too rotund. But from about 4 3/4 to now age 5 3/4 she has really really slimmed down. Still eats the same (quite a lot!). But she’s lengthened out, her face is thinner and the tummy has gone.

I would give it 6-9 months OP and see what happens. Maybe swap some of the bready stuff for protein or veg but the amount of food sounds fine. Don’t panic yet, there may well be a growth spurt coming. Just keep an eye on it.