Cousins at the same school?

[Polly5678]

Need some advice please! Has anyone sent their child to the same school as their cousin? My brother and his wife live very close by and have a little girl 2 months older than our boy. The way the school catchments around our area works, would mean that our little boy and their little girl would be in the same year and same school. My DB is not horrible, we’ve never fallen out and we do see him and sis in law probably about once a month with the kids and it’s ok but it’s all on our own terms and we don’t get on well enough for me to be comfortable with spending the next few years seeing them constantly at the school gates. It’s like we will be forced into having a closer relationship that just isn’t there and probably never will be. We do have the option of sending our little one to a school further away which is not as good. I do want the cousins to be close but I’m constantly switching between it will be fine and stop worrying but my gut is telling me it’s not such a good idea and once they start together the situation might start getting on my nerves... am I being unreasonable?

Unless it’s a tiny school or you always turn up at exactly the same time I don’t think it’ll be an issue to be honest.

Yes my kids went to school with their cousin, it was never a problem. He made his friends and dd made hers.We sometimes crossed paths and had similar friends, but not massively.

My niece has been in the same year /school as ds for 12 years, they rarely acknowledge each others presence in school and have different friends. In primary occasionally some to SIL at drop off but usually other mums from ds's friends group instead. Outside school they get on ok as cousins.

It will be fine - I think it will help that one is a boy and one is a girl - they will naturally have different friends.

I went to school with 2 cousins, in both primary and high school, although they were 2 and 4 yrs older years to me. I don't actually recall any occassion of being picked up and seeing their parents, being at school events together and barely ever seeing them in school. It was a fairly small school also!

How big is the school your child will go to? Would there be at least 2 classes in the year? Speak to the school and say that you'd prefer you child wasn't in the same class as cousin.

You could always pick up from another gate. Yes, there will be school concerts etc, but you dont need to sit with your DB or plan every school event together. If its a good school and close, I wouldnt let it put you off.

How big is the school?

My DC's is 4 form entry. Different parent pick up points depending on year groups. It's a massive site and you wouldn't be likely to see the same parents frequently unless it's same year group?

Where I'm from in northern England you're classed as odd and an outsider if you're NOT related to any other families at the school and your parents didn't also go to the same school, and their parents etc. You're definitely over thinking this!

Don't send your daughter to a worse school further away where she's further away from play dates etc just to avoid your DB.

Yes they might make friends with each other at school but that doesn't have to translate into play dates outside.

My kids have all been at school with their cousins. One is currently with 2 cousins at prep. The others currently have 8 first cousins all in the same senior school. They love it and it’s never a problem

It’ll be fine, you’ll only see them occasionally at the gates, and you can just give them a cheery wave

Both as a teacher,, and as a parent of 3 in different year groups and attending different schools for various reasons, it really is very, very common for dc to have cousins in the same school, same year group and even the same class sometimes.
Sometimes the families are really close - parents pick up each other's dcs etc., and sometimes, it comes as a surprise some years into the school when you find out that X and Y were cousins, as they don't have any relationship that is different from other classmates.

It definitely isn't a reason to send your dc to another school, especially as you say you don't not get on, or haven't fallen out or anything

My kids went to the same school as their cousins for a few years. My DD and cousin in the same year, then DS a year younger and then another cousin a year below that.

DD and her same age cousin are really good friends and always have been. That aspect seemed to go ok and fortunately it was a large school and they were never in the same class.

The main issue was with my mother who obsessively favours my brother and his children over my family and wanted to constantly compare our kids. In her mind my brother is far more intelligent than I am and therefore it drives her absolutely mad that my kids kept doing better academically than his kids. She would ask to see something my DD had done, sniff dismissively at it then launch into a raving description of how much better DN had done.

We could foresee trouble down the track and weren’t that happy with the school anyway, so we moved our kids to a different school when they were in year 3 and 2. My mother still tried to compare but it was much harder when they weren’t doing the same work. My DD and her cousin did sit an entrance exam for the same secondary school and DD got in and DN didn’t. So that kicked off some stress, although again mostly just with my mother.

They’re all at different secondary schools now and it is fine. DD and DN are still the best of friends and see each other a lot. Without my crazy mother it probably would have worked out ok but it is better this way.

I went to primary school with 2 cousins the same age as me. We were dropped off and picked up together etc. All had different groups of friends but are still quite close now. But our parents are close so maybe thats why

I went to school with a set of four cousins - a boy and a girl the same age in my year, and the same two years younger. Their parents were siblings (twin sisters married to brothers). They were very close.

DH's nephew taught his younger cousin (primary). Now that was a little bit unusual.

DD went to the same primary school as her cousin, three school years apart. It was lovely for them to see each other around and about.

At the schools DS has been to, it's really common. I know loads of cousins there. Non issue.

My dds were at primary with their cousins, DD1 was in the same class as one (boy) all the way through and now they've gone to different secondaries they really miss each other. It was almost a shame to separate them. But she still has two cousins at her secondary.

My son was in the same primary school and class as my niece all through until they went to different secondaries. They loved it and miss each other now at school . but I am really close to my sister. Very handy for us too in reminding each other over things, emergency collections etc. Loved that time

Our local village primary school was full of lots of sets of cousins. I think at one point my three DC had four of their cousins in the school together. It wasn't an issue at all.

I don't see how it's an issue, but I grew up in a small town so we didn't have any choice of where we went, so it wasn't an option.

Maybe they'll become better friends, which I think is nice. Just because you don't get along that well doesn't mean they can't.

There were multiple sets of cousins in my class at school. Some were not particularly close but one case they were born a month apart and were best friends. My DB and cousin were a year apart at the same school and it was never an issue for them either.

You wolf be mad to pick a worse school which is further away just for the sake of avoiding waving to your brother at the school gates now and then.

*would be mad

Thanks everyone for your comments! They will be in the same year and possibly the same class but I can always ask them to be separated as there’s x2 classes of 30 per year. I have visions of us feeling the need to sit with each other because we’re family at school plays or any other event organised by the school. Although I said we get on ok, we do but I do find being with them quite irritating hence liking seeing them as and when I choose and for a limited amount c time. I didn’t think we’d have this problem as up until last year, they lived in a different place!

Just ask the school to put them in different classes. Lots of school assemblies etc are done by class rather than year group.

Also it would be sister and law and I doing most of the drop off pick ups and I know she will be suggesting coffee, after school play dates etc on a regular basis which I really don’t want to do! The other school is still good and has a good rep but not outstanding like the closer one.