Terrified about health visitor coming

[Sarah93advice]

Hi everyone.

I have a 9 month old son and last week received a letter from the health visitor saying she was coming the following week (tomorrow now) to do his 9-12 month assessment.

I’ve already been worrying about this on account he isn’t really sitting up on his own unaided (he wobbles and falls after a few minutes) and he’s only just attempting to crawl. I’m a first time mum so no idea if he’s behind. He was 3 weeks early.

Anyway, last night whilst he was attempting to crawl again he fell forward and bumped his head on a toy. He didn’t really cry and no mark was left so DH and I thought no more of it.

I got him up this morning only to see a tiny bruise has formed where he hit his head on the toy. It’s so tiny I would’ve barely noticed it but I know health visitors look for such bruises.

A quick google search and I’ve just upset myself even more. Apparently they contact social services for ANY bruise on a ‘none mobile’ child and the definition of a none mobile child is one that isn’t crawling yet. He isn’t crawling but is attempting to therefore I guess is considered immobile.

I’m absolutely worried sick. I don’t know what to do.

Will this be a problem?

It absolutely won't be a problem. Your child isn't non-mobile, he's learning to crawl which is a prime time for bumps and bruises! Explain what happened to your HV and I guarantee it won't be an issue.

I can't remember when DD started crawling or sitting unaided so I'm not sure if you have any cause for concern but your HV will be able to reassure you.

Oh please don't worry. I took mine for his 9-12 and he had matching bruises on each temple from similar things! The HV laughed with me when I told her the stories (similar to yours!).

I'm sure absolutely nothing will come of it xx

I think you’re really over thinking this, the hv will understand that sometimes babies tip over when they’re just starting to move. You will be fine.

You sound really anxious, it might be worth thinking if this is a problem for you? Maybe chat to your gp?

Non mobile is a baby that isn’t moving at all; think newborn who isn’t yet rolling or wriggling around like they do. Your baby is mobile by the fact that he was trying to crawl and the odd bruise is normal on babies.
I work in children’s services and the process is that if a non mobile baby has a bruise they’re checked over by a paediatrician and if there are no issues and the explanation for the bruise fits then nothing else happens and social services have it logged with them but that’s all. However that’s not the case for you as your baby is moving

I’m definitely really anxious. My DH thinks I’m mad. His bruise is sort of near the temple too and not central. He’s our first baby and was IVF conceived so I panic horribly over him. I’m currently under the care of a mental health team for my anxiety and on medication but it hasn’t kicked in just yet :-(

OP I can confidently say that this is your anxiety talking; you have absolutely no reason to worry.

God, the number of bruises DS had - and at 4, he is still covered in them! He is SO clumsy.

Please don't worry. Or, worry because that is how anxiety works, but reassure yourself it is irrational and nothing more than a symptom of anxiety.

And share your concerns about anxiety with your health visitor- they may just provide a shoulder to cry on!

It’s unexplained bruises or bruises that don’t match the account that cause concern...like a baby with a hand print across its face and parents are saying baby fell on a toy...just explain what happened and will be fine

OP I really wouldn’t worry - as pps have said this is your anxiety talking. The health visitor will know how to recognise whether bruises are a safeguarding concern, and will see straight away that your DS’s definitely aren’t.

FWIW DD (who’s now 3) didn’t crawl until she had turned 1. Wasn’t even trying at 9 months. She was also a very late walker (19 months) but, while still slightly behind physically (in that she’s not yet quite as quick or agile as her peers) she is developmentally completely normal, ahead in speech and language/general cognition and absolutely fine.

My dd never crawled. I remember being dead worried about it. She did a bit of bum-shuffling (late) and then walked (also slightly late). She did talk early.

Then I had my ds, and he crawled and walked like mad, but barely babbled and was late to talk.

My pet theory is that some developmental steps get put on the backburner whilst others are being worked on, and it all evens out after a few years.

It’s more about does the explanation of how the bruise occurred match the location of it. What you say happened sounds like it did happen, it makes sense. Saying a child fell over, and that’s how they got a large bruise on their inner elbow, for example, doesn’t!
All children develop differently. Some never crawl. I looked after one child who was fantastic at speaking, you could have some absolutely brilliant conversations with them whilst they were in the pre school room. But they didn’t walk until late! For me I see it as similar to adult life, we all have strengths and weaknesses etc.