I don't know what to do anymore

[Burnout86]

We have a very, very busy 2yo. I have done everything - good routine, potty trained (give or take the odd accident) decentish home cooked diet. Everyday we go to the park, playground or walk. We do activities every day, baking, bit of dodgy mum crafting etc etc, some screen time, all the stories. He just never, ever stops. Husband is extremely clinically vulnerable after a life threatening illness and major surgery. Day care is not an option until DH gets the jab. DS never bloody stops, not for one minute of one day. I baby proofed the whole flat. He still finds ways to endanger himself. I am on the go 24/7. I have tried boundaries, all the usual. Please be kind I am at my wits end. I have no family to ask for help. I am just so broken. We had a shit 2019 (due to a horrendous c section for me and 10 operations for DH) now we've been home for a year due to the neverending shit that is covid. He's a lovely child, we don't have many meltdowns but he's so so busy I can't even put it into words. He has age appropriate toys and some new ones after Xmas. I just am lost.

I know it's hard, but he just sounds like W happy, healthy two year old. He sounds lovely.

Could you treat yourself and let screen time go on a bit longer to give yourself a nether break?

Will he play on his own ? He needs to learn to entertain himself for a bit.
And more TV. Don’t feel bad about it, you need a break.

Water play often calms them down. A towel on the floor and some beakers and bubbly washing up style foam. Would a mini trampoline encourage him to stay in one place? It’s so difficult in lockdown, in normal times you could have taken him to a playgroup and relaxed a bit.

Oh I feel for you. This year has been relentless, no wonder you’re burnt out. To echo what the others have said:

• more TV time and in that time you REST or do something that makes you feel like a human, no chores.

• water play: mine likes ‘washing up’. They will get soaked but if your do it in the bathroom sink you can strip them down afterward and it’s easy enough.

-cosmic kids yoga on YouTube, I think of this as forgivable screen time as it’s exercise. They have to actually do the moves tho.

-take them to a park and literally make them run up and down a hill until they’re knackered

The book ‘Joy of Magical Play’ has loads of good stuck-at-home play ideas. So does 5 min mum on Insta. But the main thing is cutting yourself some slack. These are not ordinary times - there’s a global blooming pandemic! Do what you have to do to survive. Sending you love

AND can DH help more? Sounds like they’re sick, but anything they can do to give you a break will make a huge difference.

Some toddlers are like this. My ds was and my niece is too. Never still, always into something. Have you got a toddler proof room he can be let loose in...it's an exhausting stage, I remember my entire time was spent trying to burn off his energy.

How ill is DH? If he is capable should be pulling his weight.
It is hard when they can't play with other children.

Oh bless you, I could have written this myself. It's bloody hard. Invest in Disney plus, movie on in the background for solo Play time or to watch the movie.
5 minute mum is great too and like pp said, make them run! You're doing well

Hi OP, that sounds tough. When is DH due the jab? It's a hard age, but your son sounds lovely. I sometimes found an additional bath in the day calmed them down or at least bought me fifteen minutes of semi relaxation, albeit soaked. There are also panel playpens that you can configure how you need to fit your space, although I can't remember how old mine were when I used it, he may be able to climb over at two. A sand and water table if you have outdoor space? Hang in there, get his name on a nursery list so you can hopefully get a bit of respite after dh gets jab. If he will watch tv, then I found little babybum really helpful - lots of songs, many featuring numbers and letters, so can feel slightly less guilty! Good luck OP.

He sounds like a normal and healthy child. Potty trained already too? So quite bright. Channel his inquisitive nature perhaps looking at learning to play games (orchard toys are good for this age- shopping game, lotto etc) and maybe learning letters etc too. But just carry on as you are and be thankful he’s a good sleeper! He sounds like my grandson who isn’t a good sleeper and my dd is hugely pregnant right now!

My son was like this, like a Duracell bunny from the minute he woke up. My DH and I were laughing at a tv programme, the scene was a woman chatting with the police while their (about) 2 year old played quietly on the mat.......Absolutely not, nowhere near, our DS would never do that.

He only sat for more than 10/15 mins, if he was poorly, failing that just on the go constantly.

Now I don't want to upset you, but he is now 3.5 and still the same, but will play now for maybe 15/20 mins alone.

When he was 2, I used all that "want to be on the move" to "help" around the house, he loved helping load/ unload the dishwasher, go around the rooms collecting certain colours of the laundry basket, bringing it down stairs, loading it in the machine then give him the a brush to "brush" the floors, obviously I cleaned it before but it just kept him busy, he dusted, wiped the tables simply anything to keep him occupied he just followed me around doing stuff as we spoke about what we were doing. ( we had more fun than that sounds, he wasn't a child slave, he did enjoy it)

Put the music on, dance - gets you in a good mood as well

Oh gosh I had one of those and its so hard, people don't understand if they haven't had one. Mine used to run away at the drop of a hat, climb everything and anything, run everywhere, it was a nightmare and it wasn't covid.
What used to keep him semi quiet was:

1. playing "football"
2. pushing cars down a car track/ramp and seeing which one could jump furthest

Big hugs. Can DH look after him for a bit in hhe day and you go out for a walk? Or a bath? Just to get a bit of peace

Hello OP, my DS2 similar. I used to keep 7 boxes of everyday things and rotate E.g. recycling bits, cardboard, sponge balls anything harmless and cbeebies for too many hours just to get a break. Your DC sounds typical but I later found out mine was very busy because he had ADHD just cant focus on anything for too long . Not the badly behaved or angry type just super curious and full of energy. He is lovely still but full of beans at 10. We did cordon of half the room with an unfolded playpen attached to walls so he could be left to play safely while I was in kitchen cooking etc. Do not feel guilty about letting them watch tv these are unusual and for you tough circumstances to be in. Best wishes to you and your DH.

Sorry to hear this, sounds just like my DD (2) who is adorable but does not stop moving every second she's awake. I just ended up increasing screentime. I feel under the current circumstances, letting a toddler watch a few hours of age-appropriate stuff is seriously one of the last things to feel guilty about. There is so much judgement and one-upmanship amongst parents regarding what is ok that it tends to cloud your own judgement.

I had to take a step back and assess the pros and cons of giving her screentime without attempting to live up to any of the "parenting ideals" that get thrown around. If I'm alone with her and need to get other things done (cooking, cleaning etc) then there's a genuine risk of serious injury despite all the babyproofing we can do. She know how to push a chair or stool around and use that to climb onto tables or kitchen counters. She's fallen off stairs and managed to loosen the baby gate by shaking it so hard. If I know my attention isn't going to be on her 100%, I have to make sure she's absorbed by watching something, otherwise she'll be moving and climbing.

The second is my own mental health. We are doubly limited during lockdown because we're trying to reduce trips outside and she's not a good "walker" because she refuses the buggy, doesn't like hand-holding and attempted to bolt onto roads more than once. Exploring shopping centres (which is what I used to do with her several times a week) is also out of the question now due to covid. Playgrounds don't usually work because of other children since she's extremely friendly and doesn't understand why she can't go near them. It breaks my heart to forcibly drag her away from other children while she starts crying, and I think that experience is more damaging than not seeing other children in first place.

At home there are only so many hours I can play with her, and I think any SAHM can agree. I can feel my mental health sliding after the 10th hour of no adult contact and repeating the same phrases about Peppa Pig over and over again (DH is around but works long hours, and has medically necessary massages/physio several times a week which means he gets home past her bedtime). So giving her a screen to watch is the only time I can catch a breath, drink a coffee etc.

If you have a budget for toys then I find sticker activity books one of the few non-screen things that hold her attention. I buy all the ones related to her favourite series (Peppa, Duggee etc) and it's actually quite fun for me as well to go through them with her. She likes peeling stickers so that keeps her entertained for a while. Sensory stuff like Play Doh and kinetic sand are also good, and she can keep herself entertained for a while. Bubble baths and shower foam are also great but that needs to be supervised all the time so it's not as useful if you need a break yourself.

To be honest, I find most of the Instagram "keep kids busy" ideas are total and utter shite. They involve 30-60mins of crafting from the mother which begs the questions: Who is taking care of your high energy toddler during that time? Are there no tasks like meals or laundry that are more urgent than cutting holes out of cardboard? How are you preventing your toddler from touching your hot glue gun, glitter and acrylic paints which are far more exciting than whatever cereal carton vending machine you're supposed to be building? Who cleans up the mess afterwards while your hungry toddler is already whining?

Most of the play involved with those Instagram kids ideas involve sorting cotton balls, pressing glitter around inside a ziploc bag or sticking various coloured items in the same coloured hole. My DD will be entertained for all of 20mins before she wants to do something else.

My DS is younger than yours but seeing what people were up to with their children during the last lockdown got me down a bit. I’m hopeless at crafts etc and found all these wonderful messy play ideas take longer to set up than my DS would play with them leaving me frustrated and disheartened. Anyway I happened across five minute mum on Instagram and ended up getting her book. The idea is that all her game suggestions take 5 minutes to set up/ put away so you don’t end up wasting time spending ages getting things ready that they just aren’t into. There are lots of ideas in it and it’s been great so far even though my little boy is too young for lots of the games. Take a look at her blog but honestly you sound like you are doing a wonderful job. Don’t feel guilty about screen time either.

Do you have space for a small indoor trampoline? I have a vvvvvvv busy just turned 2 yr old girl and it tires her out a little bit.

She’s barely interested in the TV 😭 I feel your pain!!

I had a two year old like this.

He is my second child, now a middle child.

Exhausting, busy, impulsive, with no in-built risk assessment. I was constantly running after him because actually he did things that put himself at serious risk of death or serious injury in ways I would have never imagined with my first child.

I pushed my fears and concerns about this to the back of my mind, supported by the comments made by others "Second children are like this!" "He sounds healthy and happy" "He just needs to find a sport!".

By 5, he started school. He remained extremely active and busy, he remained incredibly impulsive and couldn't seem to stop his first instinct even if it meant injuring himself, getting excluded from any turn taking activity, breaking something he cared about (and being filled with heart breaking remorse later). He couldn't sit still to learn anything at school -not even the alphabet. He was excluded from going out at playtime as the school couldn't manage the risks associated with his impulsivity.

At 6 he was diagnosed with ADHD. He has the severe combined type (hyperactivity, impulsivity as well as the usual inattentiveness).

Within 6 months of starting treatment, he has learned to read and write and is an entirely different child. School was going well pre-lockdown. He is forming friendships. He has a few hobbies and activities. He's been able to start Beavers. These simple things seemed out of reach just a short time ago.

He hates being without medication (first thing in the morning and when it wears off in the evening). He feels like him when his meds are on board. Otherwise he says his head is too busy, he can't keep up, he can't think, he feels confused and like his "energy" might take over, he feels "out of control". He talks about what life was like before medication with sadness; I hadn't realised that he was unhappy or finding things difficult.

I happen to be a Psychiatrist but I'll just say, I don't think you can diagnose this over the internet, and I'm not doing that. It's just that when you do have a child with ADHD or possible ADHD, you'll hear 999 voices telling you they are "fine", "healthy" "just boisterous" etc etc and maybe only 1 saying, you know this might be difficult because of something like ADHD. So I suppose I wanted to add that balance.

1 in 30 kids has ADHD, it is not rare. It is a real neuropsychiatric condition with as much biological and clinical evidence as epilepsy.
Medication works really well when the diagnosis is robust.
Living with untreated ADHD is really tough and associated with poor outcomes in life.

Make obstacle courses inside. You sit on couch with coffee/wine and direct e. g.run three times around the table, do a roly poly on the mattress, lift that heavy book onto the table, hit the balloon over the couch etc etc.
I have complete nutcases of toddlers (in the loveliest way) and this is how I keep sane when the weather is horrible and we are locked down.
They love it.
That and way more YouTube / Netflix than you think is OK. My 2 year old would watch Blippi (YouTube) all day if I let him. Some days I'm tempted.

He's the sort of child nursery is made for - find somewhere good locally and get him a place for a few hours a week.

@Ohalrightthen

He's the sort of child nursery is made for - find somewhere good locally and get him a place for a few hours a week.

Sorry, moron, missed the bit where you said no nursery til DH has the jab - if i were you I'd get him booked in now, nurseries often have lonnnng waiting lists.

@Ramblingwords thanks for sharing, such a kind and well-written response. Glad your son is doing well.

Sensitively written is what I mean, not commenting on your grammar :-)

I don't have any useful suggestions to add but just wanted to second PP saying you sound like you are doing an absolutely stellar job with your little one. These are incredibly trying times and the relentlessness absolutely wears you down. Try to remember that the reason you are finding it hard is because it IS really hard. You aren't finding an easy thing hard, it is intrinsically really difficult. It will pass eventually but please give yourself credit for the intense 16 hours of work you are doing every day - it's massive - and try to also give yourself a break. As PP said some extra screens are absolutely ok in order to manage your mental health too, you're doing plenty of stuff to balance it out

Also, if you are feeling broken and at your wits end, please make an appointment to chat to your GP. The stress and intensity of the past 2 years have been a huge load and cannot help but take a toll on your health, whether mental or physical or both. There might be things that the GP can suggest that could help x

Some toddlers are like dogs and need 3 walks a day. Do you have outdoor space? Look up tuff tray activity, don’t do the Uber complicated stuff just things like coloured rice and water play - they can be done in any container, a cat litter tray on a small table is ideal.

Yy to screen time. Ceebies has loads of educational programmes - my 4.5 year old started very basic reading before school and a lot of this was down to alphablocks.