Screaming toddler wanting to be carried

[YellowEllis]

My 18mo is making me literally never want to leave the house. He's great with walking, but gets tired and wants to be carried. I physically can't carry him, push a buggy and walk the dog. I say calmly walk or buggy, he'll just keep saying "up" I try and get him to walk he will just sit down on the floor until I pick him up, I put him in the buggy and he will scream, force it out so hard that barely any noise comes out, just this throaty noise, those type. Repeatedly. Just got home after half hour of having him do that in public. It's happening everyday, I can't only go as far as he's willing to walk because the dog won't get out. I don't know what to do. He needs to know it's buggy or walk and I refuse to cave and physically couldn't manage it anyway. He will do it in the supermarket and get fed up of being in the trolley seat, I'll let him walk, he wants to be carried. I can't push a trolley and carry him and do my shopping. He does the shrill throaty scream the whole time I'm shopping and embarrass me. This has happened everyday for the past two weeks, he's fine as soon as we get home. Can anyone help because I'm getting so anxious about going out now.

Could you try one of those push along trike things instead? Avoid taking him to the supermarket if possible or distract him with a snack if he has to go in the pushchair?

Back pack carrier? DS is massive and he went in one of those until he was 3. I'm only 5'2" and super unfit bit actually found it easier walking the dog over rough terrain than with him in a buggy.

Can he be bribed into the pushchair at all? DS is a similar age and would (if he could choose) either walk or be carried. He's too heavy to carry though so sometimes I offer him a snack if he'll sit in the buggy, sometimes I have to physically force him in the buggy and then try and distract him out of his strop, sometimes I have to force him in and just run home!

Mainly snacks work though

Yes snacks definitely work. Mine was a miserable little sod at that age and just resisted everything! But he had to come out with me as I had to walk my dogs.

So I'd have several pots, with raisins, grapes, apple a biscuit etc - which mostly placated him!

Maybe just start small? Little trips say 5 mins and then home and out. Distractions like snacks?

My DD1 hated the pram. I had a carrier and I just used that. I frequently our my handbag in the pram and DD1 on my back... ridiculous. I can get her to walk quite far with a palm frond horsery, maybe a nice stick to ride? I feel your pain. Plus don't be embarrassed, kids are weird.

What does he do if you just walk off? My DD did this and I just say bye then and start walking. Obviously not near a road but in the park etc. She soon followed when she thought I was leaving without her

You would be able to carry him with an ergo carrier, then you would need the buggy.

Is there another parent who could look after him while you go to the supermarket? Even if you have to go in the evening (and miss bedtime...). Or could you get your shopping delivered?

Don't worry about what other people think though, I imagine most of them are just glad that the screaming child isn't theirs! We've all been there!

Either back carrier or ignoring the tantrum.

It's ok that he is cross about not getting what he wants. Parenting is all about appropriate boundaries and you just need to ignore any stares or comments perceived or real.

Mine started this at about the same age and has finally grown out of it (most of the time) at 2. It's sooo frustrating! I used to bribe her in with snacks. Failing that I sometimes just wrangled her in mid-tantrum and buckled her in. Not the gentlest method but I had a newborn too at the time so carrying her really wasn't an option. Good luck!

Is the hippy chick seat still a thing? I borrowed one for my nephew around that age- it’s worn like a belt and can allow
For Quick and easy lifting. But muddy boots are a nightmare this time of year. So
I think all in all I’d look at a back carrier but if he’s not happy in there it’s a nightmare. 😬
Maybe snacks in the buggy and walk
Quickly with the dog. Then a little
Time down to walk while you push buggy at leisurely pace. Then another snack reward for getting back in buggy for home?

My toddler was the same at this age. I refused to carry her as I was pregnant and just put her in the buggy/trolley while she screamed if she wouldn't walk. Tried bribery etc but she used to go ballistic. She would try and climb out of the trolley so I ended up not taking her and going in the evening instead. So embarrassing and stressful. When the baby came I got her a buggy board and she loves it, not sure how feasible that is with an empty buggy though.

Use a carrier. If you need to use the buggy for shopping etc you can still take it but if you have the dc in a carrier you still have hands free to push and walk the dog.

Toddler sling?

Back carrier definitely.

My first wanted to be carried everywhere so I did for years, which I absolutely don’t regret for a second but with my second I need the carrier because I can’t carry on my hip and deal with another child.

There are lots to choose from and you can buy second hand for £30-40 often. Toddler Connecta, toddler Tula etc

Big hugs.

Firstly, forget others around you. They may look, hear etc but honestly, F them. I think 99% of parents have had something similar even if just once. Most will be thinking 'I remember when.../ I'm glad mines older..'

Then decide your plan of action and stick to it. Research and choose how you'll deal with this. Everyone will do something different so it's up to you to find what you feel most comfortable with and able to stick to and it won't work the first few times but he will learn so long as you keep your approach the same.

Sometimes we do what we have to just to get by, especially in lockdowns. So if it's snacks you need then use them.

I would advise you put him in the stroller before you go out so you are teaching a new lesson of staying in it. Then there's no issue with in/ out pick up.

Then without the dog I'd have a little walk every day (so you don't need to go far as this is more about teaching your Ds) and he walks. When he wants up and you say no, if he sits let him. Be patient and wait as he will get bored!

My biggest point though would be he is still a baby and he genuinely might find it tiring/ boring walking- in which case the walking advice above would only be relevant if he's quite advanced for his age physically and mentally.

Loads of my friends used to let theirs walk by the pushchair when they could walk at about 16 months and had the same issue as you but had their dp's there to help carry. It's tough managing alone so remember to give yourself a pat on the back for just bloody managing!

Good luck x

I'd also vote sling/carrier. Way easier than holding in your arms, and your not stuck pushing an empty buggy. My massive (98th percentile) DS was carried daily until he was 2+1/2, and even then I only stopped because I was pregnant and the strap went over bump, otherwise could easily have gone until 3.

If you're determined not to carry him, I'd only leave the house with him in the pushchair, as the getting in after a walk seems to be the trigger, maybe if he starts off in the buggy the excitement of going out will outweigh the dislike of been pushed. And as pp have said, pushchair snacks are a great distraction.

Mine does this at 23 months, it's hideous. I've given up trying to get him to go for a proper walk - we go out with the buggy, I get a decent walk myself, and I let him out for a run around if we're somewhere suitable. When I need him back in the buggy I give him snacks and strap him in while ignoring the screams.

I look forward to when he can ride a scooter!