My baby is developing social anxiety and I’m so worried

[hatelockdown]

My DD is 1 next month, so was born just before we went into lockdown for the 1st time. Because of this she’s barely had any opportunities to see people since birth - there’s hardly been any time spent with grandparents, aunts/uncles or friends, no playdates or baby groups and hardly any chances just to sit in a cafe and watch the world go by.

Last month out of desperation I joined a local mums group who do organised socially distanced meetups in the park, but on our 1st meet DD started screaming and crying at the sight of other mums and babies and was inconsolable, to the point where after 20 minutes of crying I had to leave and take her home. Likewise when I’ve met friends for coffee outdoors on a few occasions she got really upset when they so much as looked at her. At home she’s happy and content and barely cries.

I’m so concerned as I suffered from terrible social anxiety as a child and still do - it has totally ruined my life as although I was bright at school, I was bullied due to shyness and never had the confidence to go to uni, get a career or make anything of myself. Joining the mums group last month was a huge step for me.

With her recent behaviour on top of growing up in lockdown, I’m terrified I have passed this trait onto DD and that she will face the same struggles through childhood and adult life as me. I blame myself for bringing her into the world as suffering from social anxiety is crippling and it’s no life. I think I was hoping she’d take after DH, who is confident and outgoing.

Then on top of all that, I read this article yesterday and it worried me even more: “The first three years of life is a time when tacit (non-conscious) understanding of how the social world works is developed and it gets wired into how the brain works (Schore, 1994, 1996).”

Full article: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201404/five-things-not-do-babies

If the 1st three years of life are so important and DD has spent the 1st year with hardly any social contact, where is this going to leave her?!?!

It's a very typical age for stranger anxiety even if we didn't have covid. Hopefully she will get to interact more in the near future as vaccine levels increase lockdown starts to ease. Dont be so hard on yourself, there is nothing you can change right now

It really isn't social anxiety, or at least isn't called that in babies. It's just a stage most typically go through. Yours is right on track.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/behaviour/separation-anxiety/

That's not social anxiety, it's separation anxiety which is completely developmentally normal.

Try not to freak out, as she'll pick up on your stress and that will make it worse. Try leaving her in a room by herself for a few minutes at a time.

Thanks for replying. She’s fine left in a room alone - it’s just when we’re with other people that she freaks out!

This is pretty normal I think, my DD was like this too, fine alone when I left the room but would scream her head off if anyone so much as looked in her direction while we were out. It’s a phase. It’ll pass:

She’s 5 now and is still wary of strangers but no longer screams at people

Your baby doesn't have 'social anxiety' OP.

That's like saying 'my baby has depression because she cries all the time' or 'my baby has developed an addiction to breast milk'.

You're the most important social contact by far. Stay calm and stop catastrophising as she regulates emotionally from you. This is not necessarily a pandemic effect and many babies are like this. It's going to be ok.

In Ireland they call this ‘making strange’ and is totally normal.

It's completely normal and nowt to do with lockdown.

I raised my youngest in the middle of nowhere until she was 3.5. Didn't drive, saw nobody for weeks on end. No shops, no neighbours, nowt. When we moved at 3.5, she skipped off into preschool without a backwards glance. She's able and confident with a great set of friends many years later. Her brother? Brought up in a town with lots of baby groups and people. He had severe separation anxiety and wouldn't even look at other people, let alone move from my arms. He's 9 now and sensitive still and shy. It's just who he is.

My DD turned 1 in December, and she went through a stage of not being great in groups (in between lockdowns)

Maybe just gradually build it up, go for a walk with 1 other mum and baby a few times, then a couple, and then groups.

Yes, really normal. It’s a healthy developmental stage. It’s how they learn to recognise the difference between themselves, you and other people. All babies with healthy attachments go through this, so I’d see it as a good sign you’re doing something right.

My DD was like this and she was born pre Covid. It’s a normal phase that will pass. Babies don’t have social anxiety- they don’t have the cognitive awareness for that.

My DS is almost one, he’s the same and cries when people talk to him in his pushchair, especially if I’m behind him.

Like others I don’t think it’s lockdown in particular (though am dreading him starting at nursery!).

It’s hard seeing them like it, my eldest went to every group under the win but can still be reluctant to join in and shy with those he doesn’t know.

I have a one year old too, so can sympathise. And I have social anxiety and find groups difficult (but push myself to do it!)

Quite honestly? There's huge developmental changes going on at this age. My little one can be like yours too, when people try to talk to her in the supermarket.

My baby app said this would start to happen at this age. Totally normal.

Model good interactions for her by chatting to anybody who says hello.

Just remember, when restrictions are eased, there'll be loads of mums and babies wanting to meet up!!! You'll have plenty of time to "socialise" your little one!!

As others have said this is a normal developmental stage. It presents differently in different babies eg a friends baby only ever screamed at adoring older ladies which she found very embarrassing!

And to reassure you, the social contact which matters most for your bAby - or any baby - is socialisation with you. Chat to her, sing, show and explain to her what you’re doing when you’re going about day to day tasks. Reassure her if she is scared of strangers.

When the pandemic restrictions lift and she’s older give her more opportunities to see and play with other children. But be careful not to create a self fulfilling prophecy about her being shy by pushing to hard. If she is, know that she can still find her way. Many of us have.