Anyone have advice on postnatal anxiety/depression?

[Professionalworrier]

I haven't attended the GP yet. With the current state of the world it's not that straightforward and I'm a little reluctant to start medication quite yet. I have previously taken medication for depression so not opposed to it but would like to try other solutions first.
I posted a week or two go about my anxiety around thinking my 7month old could have autism. Posters were very helpful and pointed out everything I described was standard baby behaviour. However I have gone down a fear and worry spiral. I keep "testing" him, if I get the response I'm hoping for I feel a wave of relief but it doesnt last long. If I dont get the response I'm looking for it further cements my anxiety. I know I need to stop doing this but it's hard.
I've tried contacting my counsellor for a zoom appointment but I haven't got an appointment date yet.
Pre baby and pre covid I had strategies to help manage my anxiety and depression but a lot have been taken away due to lockdown in my area (not in uk) or are difficult due to caring for the baby.
He gets bored easily and is full on. He will play with toys for a few minutes but then wants to move on to the next thing or always wants to be on the move so I dont have a lot of down time. His sleep has changed so I'm very tired at the moment and we are in the middle of a house build with spiraling costs so I constantly have financial worries in the back of my mind too.
I suppose what I'm asking is how the hell do I cope. I love my baby so much but sometimes I wish I could just pop him back into my tummy and keep him safe while I do something for myself, like sleep until I'm rested or bake or just stare off into space daydreaming without feeling guilty that I'm not attending to him. I feel so guilty when I get irritated by his noises, he makes a repetitive "oooh' sound, usually when he is annoyed and wants to change activity and I haven't a clue what he wants. I feel like I used to be so in tune with him but now I spend the day guessing at what he wants.
I'm also failing miserably at weaning and keep giving him the same foods as I've no energy or headspace to think of new things for him.
It's just so bloody hard these days.

Also just to add as I havent attended the GP I cant say for sure I have PND or PNA but I know I have some of the red flags. Not wanting to dismiss or trivialise those we have actually been diagnosed with the above

Anyone? Bump

Hi there. I really don't have any advice but I couldn't read and run.

I know it's not always easy seeking out the GP for these things, especially at the moment. Do try and talk to them, even if only a telephone consultation. Otherwise, could you try some kind of online counselling (try looking on bark for example).

The way you describe 'testing' your baby does sound like you're suffering with anxiety. This must be so hard for you as I know how hard anxiety can be, let alone having a baby to care for at the same time. Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect all of the time. None of us are. You can only do your best when it comes to weaning. If you're repeating meals or using pouches sometimes, that's OK.

I hope that you manage to find some help or just some strategies for reframing those anxious thoughts.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful but I think it helps sometimes to know that there are people out there who care. You will get through this Xx

@ASomers thank you for replying. You are right, sometimes it's just knowing someone out there understands and cares makes it feel less scary.

I took a break from the internet for a few days and had a counselling session over zoom. I feel like a weight was lifted off of me after it so I've scheduled in another appointment for 2 weeks. Things are looking up and I'm starting to feel the anxiety fade knowing I have another session soon.
Thank you again

I was diagnosed with postnatal anxiety when DD was four months old, just before COVID kicked off. I was prescribed a low dose of citalopram which I'm still on. That and talking to a professional really helped in the immediate aftermath of my diagnosis.

I know you're reluctant to go onto meds and in normal circumstances you could use distraction techniques, getting out, spending time with friends and family. But being at home all day every day is going to make that harder. My DSis talks about watching DNeice like a hawk, looking at everything she did through a lens of whether or not it's a trait of ASD. It's a very lonely place to be. You're dealing with that AND Covid restrictions. If medication gets you onto an even keel in the short term, don't discount it.

Ultimately what helped my anxiety massively was returning to work. My mind is kept busy and I'm not finding things to worry about like I was when I was on Mat Leave.

Mine was Health Anxiety and I was convinced I was going to get sick and die before DD would know me. I was getting physical symptoms from the anxiety like pains and itchy underarms, chest pains etc which of course didn't help. I read a comment from a poster on here who had the same thing, and she related it to low self esteem- in her mind she didn't "deserve" to be so happy, so of course it was logical that it would all fall apart. That made complete sense to me.

Anyway, you're not alone. So many of us have been there, and it's fucking horrific when you're in the eye of the storm.

@TheCraicDealer sorry to hear you also having been going through such a tough time. But it's good to hear a positive story about medication. I'm normally such an advocate for medication but in this instance I feel like I'd be admitting it's a problem, which is silly but that's where my head is at.
I think you have hit the nail on the head with going back to work. I don't know if things would be different without covid but I really dont have anything other than thinking about the baby to fill my days. While I'm dreading going back I think it will help distract and refocus my energy.

The eye of storm really is a horrific place to be but I have to trust I've been in it before and will get out again
Thank you for your reply

@professionalworrier that's fantastic news!! I really hope you continue to find the counselling useful. Xx

Hi @Professionalworrier - just wondered how you and your LO were getting on? I found this post whilst googling and it 100% resonated with me. My LO is 6 months old and I have become obsessed with testing him e.g. repeatedly seeing if he will respond to name and worrying he has ASD and going into the spiral you describe. I've also suffered from health anxiety in the past and pretty sure this is a new manifestation of it. I think I need to get some help for myself as so upset that I'm wasting time with my precious boy because or this obsessing.

@sophi123 I've just sent you a PM. Name changed since I made that post x