I don't think I've got PND depression but maybe I'm just deluding myself

[RestorationInsanity]

I don't really know where to start. I'm incredibly grateful for my 8 week old DD, conceived miraculously while on HRT for early menopause (I'm 32) after years of utter infertility heartbreak. The problem is, I'm finding having a newborn extremely boring to the point where I can't believe I am on maternity leave until October (unless the pandemic kills my job off which is looking increasingly likely). I'm still trying to do some stuff, online yoga class, going out for walks with baby (alone or with DH as the only person I know within waking distance is heavily pregnant and not going out much). She is delightful, yes she fusses and cries, but I don't even care that much about lack of sleep, as she's not too bad on that front and I've sort of got used to it. I basically just spend the days waiting for her to go back to sleep so I can do something, even it it's just housework. Please be nice, I don't want to hear that I should just be grateful I have a baby (I already know that!)

And annoyingly there's an erroneous "depression" in the title!

I have pnd and this doesn't sound like pnd to me, just that you find the reality of a newborn baby quite boring - which it is!! Feed sleep change..feed sleep change.. its monotonous and dull. I of course could be wrong as there may be more details you haven't shared, look up the Edinburgh postnatal depression scale and see what your score is.

I dont think you sound depressed.. you sound completely normal. Going back to work saved my sanity! Before having a baby I thought I would love maternity leave...but the reality was I spent my days very lonely , counting down the hours till bedtime. Theres no shame in it..the young years aren't all fun and games infact a lot of it is boring, relentless and tough.

I am not a medical person, but doesnt sound like PND to me.

Are you happy within yourself, but just bored? Love your baby, but she doesnt exercise your mind very much?

I also have a baby (and a toddler) and can confirm it's boring. With my first I went to parent and baby cinema 3x a week of I could. If you like the cinema,once they re-open get yourself down there!

They get better over time imo. A crawling baby is more interesting. Then walking. Then talking. Then it's a funny little person!

I wonder if due to your struggle with infertility, which sounds really hard, you have high expectations about what you should be doing. Are you allowing yourself to watch lots of TV etc? You don't have to be entertaining your darling little lump all the time.

Thank you for replying! I think it's that noone lets me say in real life "I'm quite bored, bouncing up and down in the kitchen for an hour so the baby stays quiet is really tedious even though she's cute". Everyone responds with "oh this bit goes so fast don't wish it away" or "but she loves being with you, isn't that wonderful". My mind is overflowing with all the things I'd love to be doing with my time. The problem is none of them really involve the baby! I feel quite envious of my husband when he comes down for lunch during the work day as he's so excited to see DD (working from home full time because or Covid). I also know that the general world situation doesn't help with ways to fight off isolation and boredom.

Even watching TV is a bit of a challenge as when she's not asleep she likes to be walked around so she can see things!

@Isababybel sorry to hear that you are suffering from PND and I hope whatever help you are getting is helping.

@pjani I think there definitely an element of feeling like I should be giving her the absolute perfect babyhood because noone ever thought she could be here! I do know that's nonsense, and don't subscribe to that at all but it's hard not to think oh is she bored, am I being selfish by sticking the iPad on instead of shaking toys at her all the time.

I was just like you. I had a massive pillow to put DD on and changed its location, depending on what needed doing.

I just read loads of books, watched loads of Netflix and cooked.

It didn't last long- enjoy it while they are stationary.

I think the way that you feel is perfectly normal op, especially as before the baby is born you build it up so much in your head about how you imagine things will be. But the reality, particularly right now in lockdown is very different. It's not like you can take your DC to meet and have cuddles with wider family or go for days out and classes. I think it wl get easier as your DC gets older and you can do more like going to the park and things. If you are worried though you can speak to your health visitor or DP about how you feel 💐

Newborns are an endless cycle of feed, change, sleep, repeat. It can be boring and lockdown pandemics certainly don’t help. They get more interesting. They’ll start smiling soon, then giggling, then rolling and playing with toys etc. The weather will get better and you’ll be able to get out and about a bit more and hopefully see some people etc. And if you don’t feel it’s getting any better, you can always go back to work earlier, which is a perfectly acceptable option too.

I don't think this is unusual. It's a difficult time to have a newborn (my son was a lockdown 1 baby).

I felt like I should be doing everything and had huge plans of hill walking, exploring, travelling etc etc as soon as possible... and the had a c-section in a pandemic When I couldn't do anything or see anyone, I felt like I was failing my baby. It was much easier and less like groundhog day over those few weeks the world was open in the summer.

The most important thing is to find your support network/ Village / tribe or whatever you want to call it. I have a group of 6 mums with babies born at the same time. They're my Village. I met them on an online breastfeeding group in lockdown 1 and we message most days as a WhatsApp group. I couldn't do this without them. They're there at 2am or when I'm trapped under a sleeping child, they send good news and we share disasters.

The absolute perfect babyhood is fed when hungry, changed when wet or dirty, allowed to sleep when tired, comforted when sad and loved the whole time.

If you happen to be watching boxsets/going for long walks/sticking her in the bouncy chair and stripping wallpaper/ while also providing all those things, well then, all the better!

I found babydom supremely boring. I swapped with DH when DD was 4m and went back to work (WFH though) while he took the rest of our shared leave.

Thank you all so much for your kindness and reasonable responses! At least knowing that as long as I'm ok and baby is ok, it's fine not to love every minute, hopefully as time passes and she gets more responsive things will improve. When she smiles at me it's amazing, so there are good moments too.

Sounds very normal OP and very familiar. Don't forget it's especially boring at the moment. There were times when I thought 'is there something wrong with me because I really enjoy the time when my baby is asleep?'. Well no, because that factually is the best time! If I ever had another I'd go back to work sooner.

DC2 is 4 months old. It's boring as fuck. They're lovely but boring. I was bored enough on mat leave with DC1, little did I know how lucky I was being able to see people, go to cafes and restaurants, mooch around the shops and go to baby groups. I was very happy to return to work when baby was about 8 months old.

"I can't believe I am on maternity leave until October"
You don't have to be. Why not go back before then?

Babies are so boring! I think it starts to get interesting at around 9 months and from about 18 months it's totally different. Don't feel bad, I really don't like the baby stage, some people love it. Let yourself be a bit bored as things will get a bit hectic once they start moving and weaning.

My second is 6 months now and it's so dull not being able to go out, I'm sorry you've missed out on that side of thing x

I have started listening to podcasts and I find they help to give me something to do and occupy my mind a bit

Babies are boring, at this point you are just keeping them alive mostly and not getting much back. Plus being stuck in the house won’t help.
I’m sure you are happy to have her and all that but it doesn’t change the fact it’s no fun right now