My DS has been going to nursery since he was 1. He’s now 3 and for the first time ever we’ve had ‘I don’t want to go to nursery’ in the morning, before bed, and he even got out of bed one night to put away the clothes he thought I’d left out for nursery even when nursery hadn’t been spoken about because the following day wasn’t a nursery day!
When I’ve asked him why, he can’t/won’t articulate anything that stands out but has started expressing a dislike for one of his teachers. When I’ve asked him to explain he says ‘she’s not kind’, ‘she’s stinky’ (genuinely don’t think he’s using this as an insult - it’s just a word we us to describe something and of course it could be that she has a scent - perfume perhaps - he did smell quite strongly of someone’s fragrance the other week now I think about it?!) and ‘she tells us to tidy up’. Now, I’m well aware that a 3 year old could object to being asked to tidy up but I’m starting to wonder if there’s more to it... we have never had this with any of the other staff and he’s got excellent bonds with his current and former key workers (to the point that he’s a bit bashful with them, it’s very endearing).
FWIW, this member of staff is a trainee and without wanting to sound awful, she’s one of only a couple of staff members throughout our time with nursery who I’ve not felt 100% confident in. The others all seem very child orientated, give lengthy descriptions about his day etc. whereas I’ve overheard her debriefs at end of the day handover where she has literally said the same thing word for word to more than one parent, which did get me doubting at the time, have they really all eaten exactly the same amount of every meal?! I also saw her supervising a group playing outside and there was zero interaction (now I’m writing this it feels super judgemental - I realise I have very little to go on!). Perhaps more of it is instinct?!
This morning at drop off it was the teacher in question who came to the gate to collect my son and he literally buried his head into his scarf, hid his face behind his bag and kind of shuffled in. I’ve never seen anything like it before! Usually he greets the staff and skips in happily with a wave to me.
So... what do I do from here?!
Do I speak to nursery to see if there’s anything going on? Perhaps there’s been some negative behaviour she’s talked to him about which has not been mentioned to me...?
Do I name the staff member?
Do I speak to him about it and say he needs to behave politely with Miss X? Or do I ignore and hope it passes through fear of an even stronger resistance to going to nursery?
Do I speak to another parent?!
I’m well aware that this could just be an awkward three year old not liking being asked to tidy up etc but if on the off chance there’s more to it, I don’t want to ignore these clues he’s giving me - I need him to know I’m his advocate.
I did mention last week to the room leader and his key worker that he’d started to say he didn’t want to come to nursery and that it was unlike him. They checked in with him during the day and he told them he was having fun and happy etc. I thought he was perhaps starting to realise I’m not going to work after I’ve dropped him off and am at home with his baby brother, and/or perhaps also getting a bit unsettled with hearing Covid talk and ‘nurseries closing’ in the news/random lady at the park. But since this morning’s reaction to this staff member I’m thinking it’s possibly not (just) these things.
Appreciate your advice! (Gosh that got unintentionally long!!)