Talking about death to a 5 year old

[HangOnToYourself]

DS is just 5, today he walked into the room and asked me if it was true that one day when he is old he will die. I asked who told him that and he said his daddy (my ex) did so I'm pretty annoyed with him but that's a whole other thread!
I asked if he had been worried about it and he said yes and I asked how it made him feel and he said sad. I had no idea what to say or how to reassure him.
I didnt want to lie so I told him it was true but it was a very very long way away and that he would go to heaven and be with his family (I dont believe in heaven but his little scared face looking at me I didnt know what to say).
I feel churned up about it now and i think that's partly because i cant bear the idea of even thinking about that but I'm worried he is scared and thinking about it but I have no idea how to answer or what to say to him. Can anyone offer any advice on ways to talk about it and what you have said to your children to reassure them?

I think you handled it well, especially considering you were caught on the hoof. There are some good books on the topic if he continues to asking questions to help you feel more prepared. They have a habit of asking the most awkward and complex questions at the most random of times.
Children are very fact based so whatever the question be as honest as you can while being age appropriate.
One note on saying that it only happens when you are old that can backfire. It has happened within my work where a child was dealing with the sudden death of a parent and felt very hurt and betrayed because they were promised that they would be very old when their parent would die. If he specifically ask if young people die or if you will die you can say most people die when they are very old and it doesnt happen very often to young people, but it can happen and while you understand why that would worry/upset/make him feel scared, you aren't worried about it because you are very healthy.
Obviously wording of the above is dependent on what you think your son can handle but I would just avoid making any promises. It's a horrible thought but it has happened and the child found it very confusing and compounded the grief even further. I've found children take promises very seriously.

My DS(6) and all his friends went through a phase of being obsessed with death when they were 4 and 5. They seem to have accepted it and moved on atm, but popular questions were "when are YOU going to die?" and "how long will it take you to turn into a skeleton?".

One little girl was having tea with her parents and grandparents and (out of nowhere) favoured them with her assessment of how long each had to live, based on her perception of their age.

My DS at about 4 passed a toddler in the street, announcing in a loud voice "That baby has a long time before he will die."

It can be uncomfortable, but it is completely normal at this age. There is no avoiding it, because they discuss it with their friends too. Then they come running in insisting you tell little Jimmy that Cuddles IS in heaven, not dead in a hole in the back garden.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow Heaven is a separate conversation for us, that has happened at a different point when brought up by the child:

• Mummy? What is heaven?
• It's a place some people believe you go when you die.
• But we don't?
• I don't believe we do, but you can choose to believe it if you feel it is true.

Etc etc followed by a conversation about why people might believe.

I have no more reason to bring up heaven as I do any other faith's idea of an afterlife when explaining a family member has died, as it is not part of my faith/lack of faith.