Are routines over rated? Five months old.

[nocturnalke]

I'm a true believer in routines. Bedtime routine works great. Although the timing is different every night as it depends on her feeds and naps during the day.but she settles very well and sleeps through apart from one feed at half 3.

Every day I try to get DD into a routine and every day it doesn't happen. Her nap times are dreadful - ages to settle and then only has 20 mins max. Her feeds are never the same because nap times aren't the same.

Just opinions really on the napping situation and the routine situation please. Sod the routines? Take each day as it comes? I feel if theres no routine I'll never get her ready for when I go back to work. I know that nursery staff are prepared for this and I know she's not the first but my mum is going to have her one day a week and it's embarrassing if I say 'by the way she does what she wants when she wants'. I just feel like a bad mother.

Every day is a battle. Why does no one warn you about this part? I honestly thought if babies were tired they sleep. My mum always said that me and brother were well away at nap times.

Today for example I've just lost all patience after trying to settle her when she wakes up from nap (cause I can tell she's still shattered). I picked her up and put her in her bouncer downstairs and walk away to calm down. I know later she'll be shattered but she's just not settling. I really give up. I cry every day but I think that's cause of lockdown as well. My partner thinks I'm annoying and is sick of me going on about it. And because I've used my energy on the nap situation, I really struggle to play with her etc in between nap times.

All this research online saying about routine and nap times. Like two hours awake before next nap. But this doesn't exist in this house. I just give up on it. Shall I just let it be? Let her be tired throughout the day to save my sanity.

What are peoples thoughts/experiences?

Thank you

@nocturnalke

Haha didn't see the autocorrect! Well I downloaded the app and filled out from last night sleep/feed and said to put her down at 1:50 and she did go down! A fluke maybe for the first time? But still an improvement. I'll take anything at the moment!

I need to research into weaning. No idea where to begin. Isn't it funny how parenting is the hardest job in the world but you don't train for it?!

Hooray! A small win but amazing 👏🏻

In case it makes you feel better, I found this stage so so hard with DC1. She was shit at napping - each one felt like a battle. I also felt like a rubbish parent (we struggled with breastfeeding too) and felt so at sea with it all. I hear you on the hardest job thing - I’d spent my life perfecting all sorts of skills and knowledge that were zero use when it came to caring for a baby.

It’s a tough time anyway, throw in a global pandemic and all bets are off. Be kind to yourself. Try to take joy where you can. And remember the one thing we can guarantee is that ‘this too shall pass’

Hi OP,

Try not to worry too much about the routine at this point. I know it’s easier said than done. My DD had only really gotten into a routine with her naps and feeding in the last couple of weeks and she’s 8 months. Think they all eventually settle into a rhythm but some take longer than others. As others have said, try to notice the length of her wake windows if you can and work around naps that way. I used the Huckleberry app for a while when she was younger to help me pinpoint these better. Ignore the patronising poster above who said you don’t need an app and just need to watch your baby to figure things out, easy to say that when you’re not a sleep deprived mother to a young baby! If the app helps it’s no harm giving it a try. But try not to be so hard on yourself, I bet you’re doing a great job

Fair enough knocked but every baby is different and there's no way an app will know when your baby needs a sleep or feed. Taking cues from your baby is a much more efficient and baby friendly way to do it.

Not helpful @MeringueCloud
Just because a routine is not what you'd choose to do doesn't mean it's inefficient or "not baby friendly"
We had a routine from day 1 with my son, he has slept through from 14 weeks (breastfed) and nursery actually commented last week when I collected him how happy he is all the time. He's 20 months now and a routine works for him.

@nocturnalke - I would recommend a routine 100%. Day sleep is just as important as night sleep, especially for you as a mother. I liked knowing that I had time to myself during the day where I wasn't fighting to get DS to sleep or spending every nap petrified he was going to wake up. We followed Lucy Wolfe sleep plan, she is on Instagram or you can buy her book from Amazon. I agree not one exact routine works for every baby, but I would argue that every baby does better with some sort of routine. So which one you follow depends on you, I've also heard fantastic things about the blissful baby expert.

Regardless of what you decide, you're doing a fantastic job.

@MeringueCloud it really does tell you what works for your baby, based on their previous history.

Duck off telling people that what they're doing isn't 'baby friendly'. That's so rude and unhelpful.

[quote ZadieZadie]@MeringueCloud it really does tell you what works for your baby, based on their previous history.

Duck off telling people that what they're doing isn't 'baby friendly'. That's so rude and unhelpful. [/quote]
I simply replied to the OP's question. That is not rude or unhelpful. She did ask for opionions and if "sod the routine" would be a good idea.

@MeringueCloud

Fair enough knocked but every baby is different and there's no way an app will know when your baby needs a sleep or feed. Taking cues from your baby is a much more efficient and baby friendly way to do it.

The app collects the information that you fill in as you go along about when your baby last slept, how long they slept for etc. and then based on that information suggests the next likely "sweet spot" for your baby to go down easily for a nap. It doesn't give you a routine, simply uses info about how your baby sleeps as well as presumably info about babies in general to try to make an educated prediction about wake windows. I don't see why, when several posters have said that they used it and it had a positive impact on their baby's sleep, that you would say "you don't need an app". The poster is asking for help so clearly she, like many of us, does need something more than just "knowing her baby". I don't see why you would comment on a post of someone asking for help if you are going to offer no helpful suggestions yourself and also dismiss the suggestions of other people?

I used Huckleberry to work out when my DS needed to sleep and it was really helpful! People say to watch out for sleep cues but my DS genuinely doesn’t seem to have any, other than yawning - and he hardly does that anymore!

I used the awake times method (ignore nap length and just go off when the baby woke up). I think that works better than specific set nap times at that age. Mine got herself into a routine when she was a bit older - I didn't do anything particular. I do think naps in a cot in a quiet room help (or out in the pram) and you are doing the dummy and comforter already.
Don't stress, just go with the flow at that age. It passes really quickly - by Easter things will be much more settled and you will wonder why you worried!
Lock down probably isn't helping either. If you had lots of friends with babies that age you would probably find a lot were awkward with naps and most wouldn't be sleeping through the night either - so actually you're doing better than a lot!

Thank you everyone for the support. We do feel very lucky she sleeps at night. I think this week has just gotten to me. I haven't been out for a walk since Saturday mainly due weather so I think some fresh air tomorrow will help. I'll try and coincide with nap time for the pram as well!

It's very true about the won't we worrying by Easter etc. When she was a newborn she hardly drank much formula and now she's on 7oz so never saw that happening!

Hi everyone.
Just wanted to say a massive thank you to those who recommended the huckleberry app. So far so good! I honestly wouldn't have put her down at those times without the app. I admit that I can't read her tired cues but I'm okay with that now! Whenever I put her down thinking she was ready, it sometimes took her for 50 mins to settle. So far she's taken around 20 mins so massive improvement. I'm not thinking it's completely sorted out forever but so far so good.

Hope everyone is doing well.

My baby is crap at napping in the day so I don’t bother with a routine, I just have to take each day as it comes and let him sleep however he wants- on me, on the bed, in the pram, in a sling. Every day is different, you really can’t plan it. One day he’ll surprise me by falling asleep in his crib, the next day he will absolutely refuse to sleep anywhere but in my arms. I also thought babies would just sleep when they were tired, it has been a shock to find out this is not the case, and it’s very frustrating when you know they are tired but they just won’t sleep!
I try to not let him go longer than an hour and a half between naps but sometimes it’s not possible- he’ll decide he’s hungry again, or he’ll fill his happy, or he’ll suddenly get stimulated by something and won’t close his eyes! He tends to stay awake for a really long stretch in the evening, like 4 or 5 hours, and whilst it’s not ideal it hasn’t hurt him in any way and we just have to find specific tricks to get him to sleep at night. You will find what works eventually.