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[Newbee123]

Hi ladies I just needed to rant.
I just gave birth and I asked my mum if she could come over and help me as my partner is going back to work. She said she can't because she's busy with my 3 yr old niece (my brother and my SIL both live with my parents and they both work from home so my mum picks her up from nursery or if she isn't at nursery my mum watches my niece.) I think it's a bit selfish that I can't have my mum to help considering it's not for ever? It's just to get some help until I get used to having a newborn ? Am I being inconsiderate I feel as if my brother always comes first!

When you say "just gave birth" how recently are we talking?
Can't you PILs help?

@NavyFlask I give birth in December but my baby just came home now as he was sick

I mean, if theyre committed to providing childcare for your niece, it would be pretty shit of them to drop that to help you. Could you give them a week or so to sort something else out?

Could your partner take some parental leave or holiday to support you while you get on your feet? What about your inlaws?

@Ohalrightthen my in laws work so they can't be much help the only solution they gave was to move in with them so whenever they are free they can watch my baby which I wanted to take them up on that offer but I'm also worried as they all go school/work makes you a bit nervous

My mum doesn't work that's why I got a bit offended haha maybe I'm just hormonal and unfortunately my husband can't get anymore time off as he's a manage he said he can only take a week off every month.

Do you need help for a specific reason?

Have you looked into Shared Parental Leave? Your husband is likely legally entitled to take that.

Is there something specific you need help with?

I appreciate it's daunting but unless there is something important missing from your posts I don't understand why you need help? It's much better to just crack on and find your own routine than prolong the inevitable of being alone with your child.

@Same4Walls I guess because I had a traumatic birth I didn't want to be alone because I'm still not over it and I thought some company would be helpful and we all need our mums time to time ..

I think some of these responses are a bit harsh. Having a new baby at home (especially one who's - by the sounds of it - just come out of NICU) is daunting and tiring. I needed help the first couple weeks and don't think that's particularly unusual. My MIL came over a few times and would just hold / watch the baby while I napped or showered. She'd often bring something for dinner so I didn't have to cook, or if she noticed that there was e.g. washing waiting to be folded she'd offer to do it. Many women find the first days at home with a newborn quite overwhelming - even a completely healthy one - and the "what on earth could you possibly need help with?!" type responses seem deliberately unkind.

OP if your neice is at nursery some of the time could your mum come over then? I found even having someone around for an hour or two was such a relief!

Congratulations on your new baby

[quote Newbee123]@Same4Walls I guess because I had a traumatic birth I didn't want to be alone because I'm still not over it and I thought some company would be helpful and we all need our mums time to time ..[/quote]
Like I said I do completely understand but honestly the very best way to overcome anxiety in looking after your baby is to just dive straight in and find what works for you.

Mum's are great and obviously it would be nice to have some help but you have a partner who is presumably at home at some point each day to offer help and support. Having your mum there would honestly most likely hinder you finding your own rhythm in being a new parent.

I'm sorry your baby has been ill- that must be so hard to deal with, especially with covid etc
Does he need special care? I am wondering if your midwife or health visitor can help you access some support? I have no idea what is running at the moment because of pandemic restrictions, so sorry.
I really don't think I'd want my mum helping with a poorly newborn if DN lives with her and is attending nursery every day.
Would your mum video call you daily while niece is out, to support emotionally? You sound lonely. Does DH work v long hours?

And yeah- some days I couldn't even get a shower! So even just help with vacuuming/washing up etc is helpful.