Try to make this as short as i possibly can.
My son is almost 4, his father has not seen him since right before he turned 13 mons old, he has not sent gifts, cards or money, although christmas and birthdays he sends messages hes sent some gifts, i assume these are for screenshot purposes so he can say that he did although he didnt.
I have no doubt that he loves my son but he is selfish so if theres a choice between a gucci belt and a train hell choose the belt. He never has a stable job most income comes from fraud or some form of crime, and all that money goes on appearing rich, but no house or car or he has a car but no mot or insurance and bailiffs still come to mine 3 years later with lists of fines and he keeps giving my address.
Anyway he was abusive. Very abusive. Sometimes to my son also, for example when angry he would leave him unattended on changing unit, unstrapped buggy, soffa at a few months old, abuse me in front of him, smoke cannabis and drive him in the car, steal my money so i then had to sell belongings to buy him food and nappies.
Anyway as you can imagine i have hundreds of abusive stories. But to paint a picture of him is that yes hes abusive and a criminal but hes also severely paranoid and has a diagnosis for this, i know many abusers self diagnose to avoid accountability ect but his paranoia was insane to the point he just had a nokia phone and covered his laptop camera with tape and set traps in every room, anyway he also was a conspiracy theorist, the worst kind... world is flat.. no such thing as gravity... slavery isnt real... every male on tv is trans...list goes on and on... he claims to be born again... but clearly as you can see theres very very little good in him. But he uses this christian porsona online and in messages, its gross.
His parents are in the country once a year, and to be honest they are pretty crazy too, when i told her her son was abusing me she asked for proof, i had to send her screenshots, she also told me not to tell anyone. When we broke up she said there was no abuse just love to which i reminded her of the time he made me cry in front of the family and the screenshot and conversations we had, her messages are pretty insane tbh.
Anyway ive blocked the father and have for years. But ive allowed his mother, and time and time again i have explained to her if they want contaxt they will have to go through the courts because if its not consistent then i want the court to see so that they can stop it, ive explained my concerns which are the drugs, conspiracy, no ability to save and be consistent, she keeps on ignoring this and demanding to see my son. I know it wont be just her on facetime it will be the whole weird bunch. My son has no idea who they are, ive started a life story book, but hes too young atm and doesnt ask about them.
I just want to know what others would do in my situation?
Am i wrong in denying him access to his son although every bone in my body tells me he would be toxic and destroy everything ive worked so hard on with my son?
Ive got such conflated feelings, i feel some days 100% i can not alow him to be in my sons life, that hes an awful person that will destroy my son. And then another part feels im taking the decision from my son, then another thinking i should give my son the choice when hes 7.
I'm hoping someone here will have a similar ish situation.