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Original poster

How long did your tear hurt?

18 replies

Tucancrossing · 13/01/2021 15:32

I gave birth 3.5 months ago now and had an episiotomy and a third degree tear. The episiotomy seems to have healed fully, but the tear is still a bit sore when I apply pressure to it. My doctor took a look at it when I went in for my baby's 8 week vaccinations and said that it's still healing as it was a very significant tear, and I shouldn't have sex or insert a tampon until it's no longer sore to touch. Still haven't had sex as a result, but I'd really like to soon as it's been ages and I feel like my husband and I really need it for our relationship tbh (although I am scared about how much it's going to hurt). Starting to feel like it's never going to heal 😔 Any relevant experiences much appreciated!

OP posts:
WutheringShites86 · 13/01/2021 22:31

Hi, you might get more responses if you post in the childbirth or postnatal health sections.

I had a very minimal tear, only needed two stitches and I didn't have much pain but I would say it didn't seem fully healed until 6+ weeks so I'm not surprised yours is still sore if it was more severe.

elizabethdraper · 13/01/2021 22:33

My baby will be 7 years in a few months and mine is still sore
Doctor said it's normal
I found bio oil helped a lot

2021ComeAtMe · 13/01/2021 22:43

I would say after 3 months mine felt much better, but still not 100%.

I had sec before then though, and honestly it was fine! Far better than I expected, we just took it very slowly.

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Whirlwind14 · 13/01/2021 23:01

My episiotomy took nearly 6 months to heal. After that I felt it when sitting up straight on a hard chair or the odd twinge. I found bio oil helpful.

Second time around I tore the scar and some. I used Spritz for Bitz. I don’t know if it was because a tear is less painful than an cut (had a substantial number of stitches for both!) or if it was the Spritz but it was better in a couple of weeks!

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/01/2021 23:33

My epiosomy scar still hurts a year later, but not as badly as before. I find gently stretching my perineum really helps

Original poster
Tucancrossing · 14/01/2021 10:20

Thanks so much for all of your responses! If you don't mind sharing, when did you first have sex afterwards and how painful/uncomfortable was it? And how long until it got less painful?

OP posts:
GeorgiaOQueef · 14/01/2021 10:22

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2021ComeAtMe · 14/01/2021 10:49

@Tucancrossing

Thanks so much for all of your responses! If you don't mind sharing, when did you first have sex afterwards and how painful/uncomfortable was it? And how long until it got less painful?
Maybe 6/7 weeks for us? I don't remember exactly.

DH was in no hurry, he wanted me to be ready Smile but I was dreading it, and I kind of wanted to get the first time over with so I knew what I was dealing with, if that makes sense? I think the longer I left it the more nervous I would have got. So we just took our time and went very slowly, and it was thankfully all fine.

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/01/2021 19:12

@Tucancrossing

Thanks so much for all of your responses! If you don't mind sharing, when did you first have sex afterwards and how painful/uncomfortable was it? And how long until it got less painful?
Tried at 4 months and it hurt so didn’t try again until 9 months and I needed a lot of lube but it was fine
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 14/01/2021 19:14

I had a really nasty tear. 3rd never 4th degree. And three infections. It took about 6 months before I was brave enough for sex. Lots of lube!!

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 14/01/2021 19:15

It didn’t hurt either (sex that is, the scar healing was a bastard!!)

daisyjgrey · 14/01/2021 19:57

I had a lot of tearing externally and internally. I gave birth at the end of July 2010, that Christmas it snowed and when I was very cold my scar was very achy and painful.

I stopped feeling it completely after about a year. I didn't go to the dr for any checkups and after the midwife discharged me I didn't see anyone except one terrible health visitor who I asked to leave and not come back so I'm unsure if I would have healed quicker if there had been some intervention.

C0NNIE · 14/01/2021 19:59

Please follow your doctors advice, OP. You can have sex, just not PIV. Use your imagination.

Original poster
Tucancrossing · 14/01/2021 20:08

@C0NNIE I am planning on following the doctor's advice 😊 I'm asking people how long it hurt for so that I can get some sense of when I might be able to have sex again when following doctor's orders. And we've engaged in other sexual activities, but I want to have penetrative sex again so I'm curious!

OP posts:
SingingWaffleDoggy · 14/01/2021 20:27

I had a 3c tear and episiotomy and a couple of infections, and was under gynae for nearly a year. There are treatment options if it continues to be a problem. You can have injections into the scar tissue to soften them, lidocaine ointment to massage in several times a day doing perineal massage, using dilators if needed, and you can use the lidocaine ointment prior to intercourse to relieve pain. They do recommend lots of foreplay/ use of dilators for obvious reasons.
Three years on, I can still feel prickly bits where the internal sutures were and my husband has to put in a bit of effort in the warm up phase but who’s complaining there Wink

Equimum · 16/01/2021 10:07

Mine pretty much hurt until I had DS2. We joked that we were unlikely to conceive a second because having sex was so uncomfortable and I felt constantly sore for a day or two afterwards, and reluctant to try again for some time. I got little support from drs, who just kept saying it was normal, but giving birth to my second seemed to stretch the area and heal it. My midwife said apparently it’s not uncommon, but some gentle massage might have helped.

Whirlwind14 · 16/01/2021 22:58

I remember trying at 5 months and then giving up. We have a bang on 24 month age gap so by 12 months onwards it was ok.... but two babies on and bank there pretty substantial tear needing stitches, it’s not 100% pain free. It does get a lot better though x

BakewellGin1 · 17/01/2021 20:31

We waited approx 4 months I think...
I had a epitosomy and tore into my anal area too...
Pain I think calmed down after 3ish months, but I still get a bit nearly 2 years on.

I was extremely concerned about my tear and it was very gentle sex for several months..

Sex is fine for us but that's possibly because I don't have full feeling due to nerve and muscle damage Blush

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