What age do kids start thinking for themselves ?

[Bleughbleughbleugh12]

Just that really, what age do children start to do things without being asked or prompted? For example, when DD wakes up, she will literally wait for my instruction... what age do they actually think ah! I need to get breakfast then brush my teeth, or a more simple one, I need to put my clothes in the washing basket once I’ve taken them off, or to close the car door behind them? Am I expecting too much 🤦🏼‍♀️

My eldest who is 9 needs prompting to get dressed clean teeth etc but he makes his bed, puts dirty cups and plates in the sink, dirty clothes in the hamper, put coat and shoes away etc, closes the car door lol. All my children have done this since about 2.

@hellasciously thank you! I’m just tired of micromanaging! But then wonder, am I expecting too much, strangely though my younger child is better at doing things for themselves

I know adults who forget to always do those things OP! I

How old is she?

@Quartz2208 I do hope there isn’t adults that just get out their car and leave the car door wide open and just go in 😂😂 but yes I get your point. I wouldn’t mind just forgetting, it’s the almost waiting to be told... I just wondered what is normal really!

DD is 6, she's always been an early riser but for the last year or so it's been the pattern that she'll wake up, play in her room for a bit, get herself washed and dressed then head downstairs after 6am.

She then watches telly or does crafts/plays till I come down at 7am.

I'd say she's been able to consistently get herself ready and make her own plans from age 5 obviously not perfect every day but most days.

Since lockdown 1.0 we've also been working on basic food prep as needed her to be able to sort out snacks if we are on a conference call or something while she was home learning, so she can now make a basic sandwich, sort herself out a fruit salad and if we're present in the kitchen is allowed to use the microwave to make herself scrambled egg or warm up a croissant.

LOL, they start thinking for themselves very early.

They are just not thinking what you’re thinking.

They are children and have children’s priorities.

Play to their strengths. Do they enjoy taking responsibility, making decisions? ‘Come and choose your breakfast’ ‘is anyone old enough to put their own pants on?’ ‘Can you choose which socks to wear today?’

They learn. Gradually.

Or not

(Eyes dilatory teens)

Could DD think that they have to wait to be told? (That she needs to ask permission?) Maybe ask her what she needs to do next and give praise for thinking of it by herself.

My dd is hit and miss. From about 4 or 5 she would do things without prompting and now at 7 will occasionally get dressed etc on her own. But again it's hit and miss depending on her mood.

Most days she will forget. She does have some additional needs which make ordering a challange. So she will forget what order she needs to get dressed etc and will often come down with just a hat and socks on haha. Her room is ridiculously messy and I think this is down to her sen. But she is more than capable of thinking and doing for herself and can be very independent and is helpful with her little sister but mostly she can't be bothered and knows il do these things for her for an easy life.
School are really good and push independance.

@Thack very good point!! Possibly!! Going to sit down and have a chat in a bit and maybe work out a plan!

How old is your dd op?

9

Might it be personally rather than a particular age? My eldest is 4, and while she always wants company (so does very little truly independently as she wants someone to chat to her while she’s doing it, even going to the loo!) she is a stickler for routine. When my DTwins were born and my DH took over most of her evening routine, she would keep reminding him when he forgot - “no daddy, playtime is finished now, it’s time for vitamins and a story”

OP, if she forgets to do these things, do you make her go and do it or just do it yourself? Maybe she'd start getting the hang of it if she kept getting sent back out to close it, or had to stop playing and sort out her clothes?

I’m 38 and still need to be reminded of some of those things (by my dp or by myself)! But then i have executive function issues due to having adhd and a stressful professional job that takes up all my operating power. Everyone has different strengths, I guess.

30

DS ...never! Brief period about 11/12ish now a teen so if doesn't involve turning on screen....

42

But did need a list and training ..

When I was 11 I did all my own washing, drying drying ironing. About a week before I started secondary school my mum walked in with my own washing basket for my room and told me I'd be in charge of my own washing from now on and that was that. Only took me a couple of times having no clean knickers to get the hang of it 😂 If I were you I'd let all her laundry pile up on the floor of her bedroom until she woke up one day and realised she'd run out of clean clothes, and then I'd say 'yep, that's what happens when you don't put your washing in the basket'.

My eldest would honestly have lain awake in bed until I tell her to get up at your DD's age. She's actually very independent, and can do almost anything an adult would, but it just didn't occur to her that she would be allowed to get up by herself. She's a big one for rules and following them!
Because I'd never said specifically"when you wake up you can get up" she'd just wait for me to pop my head in.

They don’t just start, you have to train them. My 9yo is now pretty reliable at getting dressed, brushing teeth, opening curtains and switching off lights in her room, coming downstairs and making herself breakfast. But it started with me showing her, then reminding her, praising her for remembering, then her doing it independently.

@haba 😂😂 yes that sounds like mine too!!

When my oldest was about 3, I was at a friend's house.
She had older kids and her youngest was same age as my oldest.

I watched an interaction bewteen her and her ds and made some funny comment about kids doing what they were aksed and she said
Parenting is - say something, repeat it 4 times a day for the next 4 years.
repeat.

It made me laugh, but it made me think too.
A lot of parenting is about keeping going with the same instructions until they get it.
Every child is deifferent dc1 has always put his dirty clothes in laundry basket, since her was tiny.
dc3 ia 13 and I still have to nag
dc 1 always eats breakfats, he is hungry
dc2 would never eat breakfast, even as a small child unless you sat her down at the table and said eat. even then she sometimes wasn't interested
dc2 likes her room tidy. dc 1 never opens his curtains (mind you he is 18 so he is nocturnal anyway)

But broadly, from 4 or 5 they would come downstairs themselves at the weekend and put CBeebies on and get themselves breakfast.
We were up and around, but they just pottered on and did it themselves.

My dds 2 and totally thinks for herself, reminds me about her teeth in the bath, or if I’ve missed her apron when she’s eating something messy. She came and fetched me to take her to bed after the night garden,( I’d just nipped to the loo.) she said “it’s na nights” and held my hand up the stairs 😂

I’m glad she’s on the ball as I was always disorganised and needed a lot of help. I’m dyslexic and forgetful. I’ve got a smart cookie on my hands and I appreciate her prompting me!