Grandparents treating grandchildren differently

[mummytobabygirl17]

Hi everyone,

This is probably me just over thinking things..does anyone’s in-laws treat their other grandchildren different to you own children?

Our dd was born within a days of her little cousin. We’ve always treated both sides of our family the same, we see grandparents every other weekend, but my FIL never shows interest to our dd now she’s older she gets ever so nervous when she sees him, my Mil isn’t like this she will make the effort but seem to make so much more effort with our niece.

I always try to make the effort I don’t want our dd to ever think she’s missing out on things. We don’t spend time (when we could visit others) every week round Mil we want to have family time too when we work all week and dd is at nursery.

Sorry for going on and thinking too much into things.

Xx

Do the other set of parents visit / keep in contact more regularly? If so it’s natural the GP will have a better bond with them.

Is your niece the child of MIL’s daughter? It shouldn’t be the case, but many women treat their daughter’s kids differently to their son’s.

We get his off inlaws, they treat ours differently to their dds children.

It’s their sons daughter, but I think he’s always been one of the favourite sons!
We try all the time to make the effort keep them updated with what she’s doing sending pics FaceTime due to lockdown but FiL isn’t interested, doesn’t try to talk to her would rather sit there on his phone when he has been round.
I’m just having one of those days where everything seems to bother me. and now with lockdown can go weeks if we do not make contact with them.
I wouldn’t ever want my daughter to feel like she’s treated differently but it’s not just her it’s all 3 of us. Xx

How old is your daughter?

Tbh, I read this as ohs brother visits more frequently and their child is more familiar as a result.

If you want that parity you need to put on the same level of effort ultimately.

Depending on age, not everyone finds young children as scintillating as their parents do! (re fil).

@mummytobabygirl17

It’s their sons daughter, but I think he’s always been one of the favourite sons! We try all the time to make the effort keep them updated with what she’s doing sending pics FaceTime due to lockdown but FiL isn’t interested, doesn’t try to talk to her would rather sit there on his phone when he has been round. I’m just having one of those days where everything seems to bother me. and now with lockdown can go weeks if we do not make contact with them. I wouldn’t ever want my daughter to feel like she’s treated differently but it’s not just her it’s all 3 of us. Xx

If the other brother visits more or makes more of an effort and has done from the start then that would explain it. At the end of the day grandparents are only human - you can try and make efforts all you will but if a GC just doesn’t know them enough to be comfortable with them then they will naturally gravitate to the one that does.

Lockdown is difficult so there isn’t much you can do except keep encouraging facetime contact. Try and encourage your dd to make a few hand made things for their GP - even something like a handmade card for valentines day could help break the ice.

I do know what I’m talking about here. I’m the black sheep - nothing I do is ever right to either parent. But While I have personally gone grey rock with them I have managed to encourage a really positive relationship between them and DS despite him being a Locdown baby and not having met them face to face. The single thing that helped the most was shorter daily facetimes at a set day and time - Dad wasn’t as interested initially (his favourite GC is my DB’s youngest because DB used them as childcare practically from 4 weeks old) and I did get a lot of snarky comments initially about how often I was calling (despite DS calling daily for much longer!!) but eventually it became a routine and now they are the ones who lead contact.

In your instance I would focus your efforts on your Mil first.