Continence help!

[ningaj]

Apologies if this is long. I have two boys (4 and 6) who both have their issues with continence.

The eldest DS I'm less concerned about, he was fine potty training, had a few accidents first year of school then that sorted itself out. His main issue is nighttime - he is desperate to wear pants at night and for spells over the past year has managed to be dry with only the occasional accident. In the last few months though he has wet the bed literally every night, sometimes twice a night. We have had to put him back in pull ups because it was affecting his sleep. He occasionally asks to try pants again but always wets. Is it just a case of waiting it out? We follow all of the advice we have been given - make sure they drink plenty in the day, avoid fizzy drinks and black currant etc. Should I be contacting my GP???

My younger DS is harder, and this is why I'm tearing my hair out currently. He potty trained well, still in pull ups over night. For the last year he's been regularly pooing himself. He doesn't seem to do it at school, only at home. Gets really mad if you ask him if he's pooed, or if you ask him to try and go for a poo. He's not scared of pooing in a toilet just appears to prefer doing it in his pants. Things we have tried:

Rewards - worked for a week or so
Poo goes to poo land - working for a couple of weeks
Poo chart - worked for a week or so

Everything we try works for a short time (so I know he can do it) then he loses interest and starts it again.

At this point I'll literally try anything. Working from home, home schooling them both and having constant battles about this is driving me insane!!!

You need to contact your school nurse, but I’d also be speaking to the GP first.
My oldest was still wearing a nappy in reception and here is how we got him dry -

1. No fluids after 6pm unless he asked for a drink. We always made sure he had a good drink with his tea.
2. Lifting him. So he had a wee before bed, then when I went to bed I would wake him, walk him to the toilet, wait for a wee, and walk him back. You must not carry them, they must wake and walk.

This is how we got my son dry, I’m not interested in people’s opinion of it.

Thanks @FippertyGibbett I have seen the GP and the continence nurse about my eldest. They suggested limiting drinks after 6pm and the other stuff we do. We did also try taking him for a wee in the night but it didn't help. They seemed to think he'd grow out of it, it does really effect his confidence

I’m sure they will get there in the end.
But you certainly need to let them know about your youngest and get him in the system. Referrals etc are taking so long at the moment.
Is there a family history of this by any chance ?

My nephew wasn't dry overnight until he was 7 - so potentially!!!

Re the youngest - I feel like the pooing thing is more behavioural. It's not a continence issue per se as he can use the toilet appropriately at school and (back in normal times) when he stayed at his grandparents. I feel like it's more he can't be bothered at home because he knows someone will clean him up and give him spare pants!!

The older one will get there; at his age there are others who are wet at night in his class. It is normal .
The younger one needs to want to have 'cleannpants' . It seems as if he feels the social pressure at school but not at home. The good thing here is that there is nothing wrong with him as such it is more a habit issue. It sounds as if your reward strategy should work, if not perhaps he has to be involved in the clean up process. It must be infuriating. I agree with asking the HV or school nurse for tips.

Night time dryness is hormone based and some children don’t produce the hormones until they are 7.

For your younger child have a look on the ERIC website.

Lifting a sleeping child out of bed and taking them to the toilet had absolutely no usefulness in establishing night time dryness.

Night time dryness is hormonal. Until your DC develop the hormone, they won't be dry. Try to explain it to him, that it has nothing to do with how hard he tries. It's just a matter of time.

With your youngest, he might not be properly feeling the need to go, or feels it too late. Around 30 minutes after a meal there is a gastrocolic response - which creates a hormone that gives the body an urge to do a poo. So make a routine of sitting him on the loo 20-30 minutes after a meal, and try to make it a routine.

@ClaryFairchild That's interesting, I will definitely try that. We are back to starting a routine of trying a few times again so will tie those times in with being after meals.

I worry about making it a negative thing for him so today he getting a sticker every time he tries in a reward chart. It's maintaining the routine once the allure of the chart has work off that I struggle with!!!

I like the idea of getting him involved in the clean up too. Thanks everyone - really helpful!