Consequence for stealing by 9yo

[Miffyliffy]

Hi

My 9yo dsd is frequently stealing things, this includes if I take her to visit a family member of mine for the first time, friends of mine, taking my childrens electronics etc basically if she wants it she will take it.

Her father (dp) has never given her a consequence and only has a 2 second chat 'you know you shouldn't do that' type thing.

It doesn't stop her, it just continues.

A few days ago I went to dps mum's new house for the first time to pick dsd up and I noticed some very unique Egyptian items I had recently inherited from my great great aunt who died a few months ago, they were sitting on her display cabinet instead of on my hallway table, I knew there was no chance they were his mum's as they are too unique.

I came home and told dp, do asked her and she denied it, until I described exactly what they were and then she said 'oh', and then she said 'i thought they were Mine' and then she said 'theyre the only things that calm me down' .... All lies.

She was watchinge open the boxes of item so had inherited and was asking me questions and knew they were Mine' and from my aunt that died.

Anyway.. dp things him giving her a 'talking to' is adequate (I wasnt there so don't know what the talking to involved but I suspect it was similar to the usual)

I think she needs an actual consequence especially as the talking to previously obviously hasn't worked.

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions or experienced this type of thing before?

I don't believe that consequences work for things like this.

Children this young, stealing regularly are children in desperate need of love and support.

They do it for attention and a sense of control.

How is her relationship with her Mother? And generally with you and her Dad? Is she ok socially? Makes friends ok? Academically?

Her mother spoils her beyond belief and so does dps mum.

She gets the most attention in the house both here and at her mums. At school she has plenty of friends and achieves well.

I know that although she gets attention at almost every possible opportunity she isn't happy and cannot tolerate anyone else being the focus. Eg if dps mum and I are talking she will need to draw the attention to herself.

If she tells a joke and you don't laugh hysterically she will cry and scream and start slamming doors etc.

If she doesn't win at a board game she will hit people.

If she's at a playground and there's another girl similar in age that she sees as competition she will slap the girl across the face and hit her.

She doesn't have any underlying conditions such as autism or anything

I'm sorry OP but it seems quite likely she DOES have something underlying.

Slapping strangers across the face at the playground? Screaming if someone doesn't laugh at her joke?

Not normal at all...even for a spoiled child.

I would talk to her Dad about getting her assessed.