Stop feeding to sleep habit

[Catarinah]

Hi everyone, can I please start with "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it", I'm not posting this to be criticised but purely for other responsive parenting mum's experience and guidance.
My little boy is 1 year old and I'm looking at night weaning because he is still waking hourly for boob and is heavily dependant on boob to sleep and not only and I exhausted, but he's cranky from poor night sleeps. Any advice on breaking the boob to sleep association as gently as possible? I did try last month and he got terribly upset and was then poorly so I stopped but am going to revisit this after he has his jabs next week (I dont want to refuse boob when he needs it). We co sleep too so this I imagine will make is harder? He wont let me put him in a cot as he wakes and he falls asleep every night/nap (unless in pram on a walk) by me feeding him laying down and crawling away. I just want to be able to cuddle him back to sleep or soothe him another way so I can gently stop breastfeeding/reduce night waking but when I tried to swap boon for cuddles last time I was as upset as him, he was crying hysterically and I felt awful. Thanks in advance.

No changes made here, jabs tomorrow so holding out til after those. Still a bit undecided what to do after reading all these replies tbh, seems like results are mixed and the thought of still having as many wake ups but having to actually get out of bed to rock/take him downstairs at silly o'clock seems way worse. Maybe its a case of the better the devil you know. Although I feel a bit sad about it today because I hear people making remarks, yesterday's "yeah i mean he's 1 now isnt he" has annoyed me (when asked if hes still im bed with me/breastfeeding)

I've commented on your other thread re sleep/ nightweaning I think @Catarinah

It doesn't have to be the husband doing it. DIdn't work for us either. I would say wait a little longer or start talking about it with your DS in preparation like I did.

FLoor bed in room with room baby proofed. By all means make a change, but if it doesn't feel right for you, it doesn't have to be that way

Are you comfortable with letting him cry for a couple of nights? I wasn’t sure but I made hubby stay in the room with DD in cot at about 6 months. That first night took 45 minutes of screaming before she fell asleep but he was there with her and I’d fed her previously so I knew she was fine and was with somebody. I always pick her up if it’s that distressed cry that won’t stop, if it’s a whingey cry I stay in the room just shhhing and talking to her. I think it’s just trial and error some nights. I was getting no sleep from her fidgeting in bed with me so I just decided to put her in her cot one night. She’s slept so much better since. Of course there’s some nights where she wakes up- and one night wouldn’t go back to sleep so she joined me on the sofa whilst I caught up on some recordings at 5:30😑 I’ve learnt that it’s all what you’re comfortable with, I can’t deal with the crying for longer than 10/15 minutes so I pick her up or send hubby in. If you’re thinking of sleep training, do it for you and your household, not because somebody’s made a comment or you’ve read that your baby won’t sleep ever unless they know how to get to sleep themselves. Easier said than done I know! Unfortunately it seems that some babies will protest a bit longer so it’s useful if you’ve got a partner on board with the decision you’re making. I worked on her naps after the night sleep as I didn’t mind the cuddles during the day when I was on my own, and still some bed naps with her still so I caught up on some sleep too 😃 Good luck! X

A gentle approach I’ve heard of is to stack sleep associations then remove the one you don’t want. So if bf is the association now do bf and a song or bf and patting / whatever you want to replace bf with together for a few weeks then remove / reduce the bf element and keep the new association. It’s definitely not a quick fix and will need several weeks to take but hopefully will avoid distress for your little one.

@CrazyKitkatLady

A gentle approach I’ve heard of is to stack sleep associations then remove the one you don’t want. So if bf is the association now do bf and a song or bf and patting / whatever you want to replace bf with together for a few weeks then remove / reduce the bf element and keep the new association. It’s definitely not a quick fix and will need several weeks to take but hopefully will avoid distress for your little one.

Yes, this! Have a look for Lynsey Hookway on instagram, she's got loads of helpful stuff on sleep, what's biologically normal and how to tweak it

Sorry, spelt wrong. Lyndsey Hookway.

But yes, she's a good resource

Fab thank you, ive started singing the same tune for his bedtime feed, would i need to do it for every night waking feed too, I presume so?

@Catarinah how were the jabs? my LO was poorly for a day afterwards. dont worry about what everyone else thinks, I know easier said than done, just tell them he sleeps all night in a cot if that is easier. Or you can say that its working for you and you arent discussing it or words to that effect

@boydy99 he actually hasn't been as bad as witb the others thankfully :) although the thought of starting any sleep training right now fills me with dread, I just dont have the energy for it Zzzz!!

@Catarinah luckily you can decide that, its not for anyone else to push you into if its not a good time for you or you don't want to ❤ I try to always remember that we are doing what works for us, and try to stay out of what is "normal"! for now that is bedsharing but it may change, only when what feels like a better alternative comes up and for now there isn't one.

That's very true, thank you. I was looking at old videos of him earlier and thought hes growing so fast, so who cares if hes still feeding to sleep and around the clock... And bed sharing... I'll definitely miss this one day (even when I have less eye bags!)

Also a question for you, and everyone, does it matter that he barely eats solids?! It's probably because of the feeding around the clock, he's offered all sorts all the time but it's very temperamental... Today he ate half a sandwich, a yoghurt, half a banana and half a quesadilla.... Some days he eats a fair bit, some hardly anything! Is this ok? He's on 50th percentile he just prefers milk (he actually refused porridge tonight and seconds later reached for boob...)

Hi I am new to the thread but just wanted to say I can relate to the bf to sleep, still co-sleeping at 13 months and napping is a bit tricky.

We did manage to separate the feed to sleep at bedtime which in turn has helped reduce night waking to once, instead of 3-4 times a couple of months ago.

I bf downstairs with the light on, then DH reads a story. Then we come upstairs and turn the light off, put white noise on and both lie on the bed with DS. Initially it took 30 mins for him to fall asleep and he was frustrated and cried a bit but we were both there and he was rolling between us and cuddling us. Within a week he was falling asleep within 5-6 minutes. I prefer this to rocking to sleep.

He now rolls over to try and sleep most nights before we’ve zipped his sleeping bag up!

I never thought I’d be a co-sleeper but it won’t be forever and we get decent sleep now and I feel so much better. I had a 6 hour stretch of sleep two nights ago for the first time in over a year!

I’m still trying to stop feeding him to sleep for his afternoon nap and plan to reduce it next week and put him down before he drops off.

Hope you get better sleep very soon!

@feeling83 wow that's great. I dont want to introduce rocking either, I just think that'll make it harder. I was going to start singing whilst feeding but noticed that that will be a lot of effort too in the middle of the night. I did however almost manage to get him down for his nap earlier by laying next to him and making shapes with my hands in the air and saying stuff like "the rain is falling.... The wind is blowing" and he almost nodded off but was then fighting it. I think i can carry on with this because its not too much of an effort, abd like you i can do it laying next to him and husband can also do it (signing he cannot haha). My mum cares for him 2 days a week so I'm going to ask her to start inplementing this too so he gets used to it. Might try it at bedtime tonight!