Hi,
I feel like I need a rant. I've genuinely had enough. I feel like I am the sh**est mother ever. I can't get a handle on my emotions, I can't keep up with my housework. I find myself crying all the time.
I am on medication for depression/ anxiety because I have PTSD which was diagnosed just after my eldest (3 next month) was born. This is from a trauma I suffered 18 years ago.
My son is the absolute son of Satan. Seriously, I just cannot cope with how he is sometimes. He will sit and just break things and look at me and smirk. He will hurt his baby brother (7 months old) just to make him cry. Some things I just ignore, I.e if he tips all his toys out when I have just cleared them away. I will ignore because I feel like it's an attention thing.
I've tried the naughty step but he just makes an escape out of the front door. I put a chain on the door and he ripped my door frame off. (Hard to believe a 2 year old done it, but he is the size of a 4/5 year old)
I am in contact with a behavioural woman but I just don't feel like anything she is saying or doing is helping, she needs to actually see what he is doing. I don't feel like talking about it will give the full extent of how he behaves.
Im so depressed, I don't want to say it but I really dis like my child. And I beat myself up about feeling that way every single day.
My partner seems to just want to be in work, he works every hour that he can. And then goes to work in a different job in the evening. My house is an absolute mess, I've got washing coming out of my ears. I'm due to go back to work next week and all I want to do is cry.
I have my mum and dad that help when they can, but I also have a sister (who I don't speak to) that has recently made a dig that my parents are bringing my child up, and this has just brought me to my knees because I feel like I am trying so hard and to have someone say something like that is just spiteful. I know she has only said it for a reaction but none the less it really hurts. But I feel like maybe my mum should have stuck up for me there, or is this what everyone is thinking?
I'm literally in a mess. Please someone tell me it's not just me.