Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

FTM struggling and questioning everything.

15 replies

Professionalworrier · 08/01/2021 10:48

I've NC as I dont want to link previous posts. I know a couple of friends are on mumsnet.
I'm hoping someone out there can tell me everything is fine, or things will get better.
I'm FTM to a beautiful baby boy who just turned 7months. For the first 6months, while tiring and intense at times, I was coping well and felt very in tune with him. When he cried I generally could figure out what was wrong fairly quickly or had a number of things I could run through that would settle him.
After 6months he become much more unsettled. He had been sleeping through the night apart from one wake up where he wanted a cuddle rather that a bottle. Now he is waking throughout the night and needs constant settling. He is also much fussier. If he wants to play with something he gets upset until he is given it or cries cries if something is taken away (like the remote control which he wants to chew on) and cant be distracted with something else. He also gets bored easily so it's very full on keeping him entertained and happy.
I've also noticed he still isnt responding to me calling his name, or at least not consistently enough to rule out coincidence when he does respond. I stupidly googled this and every article came back saying autism. This sent me down a internet rabbit hole and now I cant help but notice other signs.
He tends to play with toys as if he is strumming a guitar, he tends to also strum his left hand on his leg in an almost absent minded way . His eye contact can be good when sitting in front of me but when I'm holding him not as much. I remember asking a nurse when he was about 3months and she said not to worry as its harder for him to focus when you are that close but now he is 7months I thought that would get better. I dont really remember feeding him a bottle and us staring into each others eyes like lots of mothers report. He often likes to play with my finger while drinking his bottle. Something I found adorable until I went googling.
On the other hand, he is meeting his physical milestones, not crawling but sitting independently, weaning is going well. He is very generous with his smiles and giggles. He babbles and tries to communicate using funny sounds.
I suppose what I'm trying to ask did anyones baby have similar behaviours and it not be autism. To be honest the constant lockdown and isolation is really getting to me as I've no yardstick to see if this is standard baby behaviour. I had so many plans of baby clubs and spending time with my friends who are on maternity leave. The internet just seems to give you the worst case scenario (I understand how silly that sounds when I'm posting on said internet for advice). I'm just so emotional and want someone other than DH to tell me everything is ok. I feel like an awful mum

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 08/01/2021 10:55

Autism is a condition of developmental delay. That means that ordinary age appropriate behaviors are happening at an inappropriate time. Your baby doesn't have signs of autism, he has signs of being a baby. It's perfectly appropriate for him to be doing what he is doing at his age. If he was still doing these things at three years old, then it is considered a problem. But right now he's not responding to his name because he doesn't have the developmental capacity to do that yet, which is perfectly normal. He sounds lovely and exactly as he should be!

I would really recommend speaking to your health visitor to query potential post natal depression or anxiety. She should also be able to reassure you about your baby's development :)

Try to stay away from those websites which supposedly detail signs of autism in children under 2 years old, they are not reliable information, I don't even know what the point of them is except perhaps to farm traffic and ad views, ie, profit from parents' anxiety, which is pretty despicable.

New2020 · 08/01/2021 11:03

Sorry I cant help with this but as a FTM I just wanted to say you're not alone in googling everything and going down a rabbit hole of worry. It's so tough in lockdown not going to baby groups etc to be reassured that everything is OK when you see other parents and babies

Professionalworrier · 08/01/2021 11:05

@BertieBotts thank you for your reply. You are right he is absolutely lovely and perfect to me. I think the sleep deprivation is really getting to me. When he was a newborn I could cope as he slept so much during the day. Now I dont have a second to rest once he is awake. I find I dont have the mental strength to fight those worrying thoughts. Those websites are like picking a scab, I know I need to avoid them but it's hard. I keep thinking I'll read something that will reassure me but I never do.
And you are right that I need to speak to someone. I'm prone to depression and anxiety so I will contact my counsellor to arrange a session (over zoom which just reminds me of how mental the world is right now but it's better than nothing)

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

loopyapp · 08/01/2021 11:07

Hi there, I'm sorry to say that babies just really do get harder.

First 6 months is all about food and sleep. However once they switch on to the world around them and begin interacting with it they discover new needs and wants that they're unable to communicate.

All he knows is chewing the remote feels good. I wants it. Your reasons for removing it make no sense at all.

The night waking is a biological response to growing. Bottle fed babies can't switch off breastfeeding instincts and at 7/8 months breastfed babies increase night feeds to increase milk production.

If you're sure he's getting enough milk and food during waking hours try offering water but I suspect this is just a wave you're going to have to ride.

Please, please stop googling.

Have a look at a reputable source for normal baby development.. Wonder weeks is a brilliant one.

Professionalworrier · 08/01/2021 11:13

@New2020

Sorry I cant help with this but as a FTM I just wanted to say you're not alone in googling everything and going down a rabbit hole of worry. It's so tough in lockdown not going to baby groups etc to be reassured that everything is OK when you see other parents and babies
It's so hard isnt it. I wonder when we look back on all of this will we realise how much of a toll it's taken on our mental health. I think being able to talk through worries with other mums who are at the same stage and being able to see in real life that our babies are progressing just like everyone else, would be so invaluable right now.
OP posts:
Professionalworrier · 08/01/2021 11:19

@loopyapp thank you. That does make a lot of sense. Normally I'd be giving the same advice but when you are surviving on little sleep it's hard to be rational.
I created this post in the hope to stop me googling, I know it's making me worse. I will try wonder weeks out.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 08/01/2021 13:19

Have you looked to see if you have a MN postnatal group anywhere? Sometimes the groups split off into a private FB group or whatsapp which can be really companionable. I would try going back into pregnancy and doing a search for your due/birth month and year.

It really does make it easier when you have other mums to go through it all with you.

Kimber56t · 09/01/2021 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Professionalworrier · 09/01/2021 09:49

@BertieBotts that's a good idea. I will check that out.
He actually slept fairly well last night and that extra bit of sleep has helped my head hugely.

@Kimber56t I'm sure you are a bot of some sort but if you are a real person who read my post but still tried to push a website, then shame on you. A lot of vulnerable people at their wits end looking for help on this site, we dont need to be taken advantage of. I've seen that link being promoted in other threads

OP posts:
Kimber56t · 09/01/2021 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

peasoup8 · 09/01/2021 10:01

The night waking is a biological response to growing. Bottle fed babies can't switch off breastfeeding instincts and at 7/8 months breastfed babies increase night feeds to increase milk production.

Interesting - I’ve never heard this before. My baby slept through the night after 6 months and never woke for night feeds. I thought babies usually drop the night feeds by this age.

xHeartinacagex · 09/01/2021 10:05

Another vote for wonder weeks app! I've found it really interesting.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/01/2021 10:10

Your baby sounds lovely and honestly the things you have talked about wouldn’t worry me at all. Older babies are much harder work than newborns in my experience, newborns just sleep, eat and poo and need love, older babies have realised they are separate from you and have more interest in the world around then and they are learning and developing at speed.
Step away from google, you don’t need me to tell you that really but just stop, it isn’t helping you.
You will get past the tricky stages and look back on them with rose tinted glasses one day. My ds2 was a terrible sleeper but he is 8 now and strangely I miss those days!

Professionalworrier · 09/01/2021 15:48

@Thesearmsofmine he really is a lovely baby. He is very lovable and loves having the attention all on him. He makes me laugh every day.

Thank you to everyone who posted. You helped me get my head back on straight. I think I was just so exhausted yesterday I couldnt think. My DH was also at his wits end. Usually one of us is able to help the other one feel better but neither of us felt we could cope yesterday.
Today he is a dream - he is behaving exactly the same way I just have the energy for it.
Autism is also something that I'm afraid of as I've friends whose children have autism and I've seen how hard they have had to fight to get their child the right support. It's not the autism itself but rather how the world around us doesnt seem to be very accommodating which makes me fearful. It doesnt make a difference to my love for him in any way.

OP posts:
Katewillows1 · 05/07/2021 04:01

@Professionalworrier
Just seeing how you LO is getting along now. My son is 9.5months and isn't really responding to his name which has me concerned for autism as well. Any positive feedback would be great.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page