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Original poster

Long distance ex partner with child

14 replies

Leann2e · 07/01/2021 18:59

Hi everyone im looking some guidence or even someone who has been in a similar situation to help me. My ex and i have a son, his dad recently moved 2 hours away and has asked me to drive 35 mins to meet him on a friday to meet him so he can collect our son and 35 mins to meet him on a sunday for me picking our son up. Obviously this every weekend would be tough on our son with the journey time. I have asked him to consider alternative weekends or i keep him every 3rd weekend to give our son and also his dad a break from the travelling which he agreed to and also just me driving the 35 mins on the friday and not the sunday too. I have also given him a choice of time on both days, as long as he isnt home too late on the sunday as he has school. He has said no to that and got quite nasty and is threatening me with court and said i will be forced to drive the 2 hours (4 hour round trip) on either the friday or sunday. Am i being unreasonable or unfair? Or will a judge force me to do that? Its really stressing me out. Please help

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 07/01/2021 21:44

35 mins really is not a long journey. What age is child and do they have special needs?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/01/2021 21:56

He moved, he does the travel. No judge would make you do it, he’s a bully and ridiculous. You don’t have to do any of it. You’re the resident parent, you make your son available for contact as either set out by a court order or agreed between the two of you. How long has your contact schedule been in place? I agree it’s too much travel for your son every weekend. Tell your ex what you’re happy doing and if he doesn’t like it he can take you to court where they’ll stop him being stupid and selfish.

WunWun · 07/01/2021 22:12

Yeah, I don't think you'll be made to travel at all. He moved away.

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WunWun · 07/01/2021 22:13

@LouiseTrees

35 mins really is not a long journey. What age is child and do they have special needs?
The OP is driving 35 mins, then the ex and son will travel the rest of the 2 hours.
WorryingAtHome · 07/01/2021 22:17

No court will grant him every weekend. Why should he have every weekend anyway and leave you with all the hard work and no fun time at weekends?

Don't be bullied. They always use court as a threat but the court won't side with him.

LouiseTrees · 07/01/2021 22:36

I used to live in the country. 2 hours a way from the nearest city. Would still regularly go there. I think the age of the child is very relevant to whether that would be too much for them and the break they are getting between transferring between the two cars also relevant

KatieKat88 · 08/01/2021 08:26

Yeah fuck that. Why don't you get any weekends?! Every other weekend and make him available for a weekday night should his father choose to come to you, otherwise he can take you to court. I'd consider compromising on driving partway EOW if I were feeling generous, his father was open to a sensible discussion and to help facilitate the relationship but wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to do that!

Mumdiva99 · 08/01/2021 09:13

I also think driving 35 minutes is helping your son see his dad so would be happy to do that. (It could be worse he could have asked you to drive more.....)....but every weekend is too much...because you also need weekend time.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/01/2021 10:27

@Mumdiva99

I also think driving 35 minutes is helping your son see his dad so would be happy to do that. (It could be worse he could have asked you to drive more.....)....but every weekend is too much...because you also need weekend time.
He’s the one moving two hours from his child. She’s not lucky he hasn’t asked her to drive more. She hasn’t moved, why should she do any of it? Hmm
Mumdiva99 · 09/01/2021 09:17

@Annelovesgilbert she shouldn't 'have' to do it. But life happens and sometimes people move. The most important thingnis what is best for the child. And sometimes people have to go out of there way a bit to facilitate what is best for the child and to be reasonable to requests.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/01/2021 12:06

If you’re a parent would you move two hours from your child?

WunWun · 09/01/2021 12:13

[quote Mumdiva99]@Annelovesgilbert she shouldn't 'have' to do it. But life happens and sometimes people move. The most important thingnis what is best for the child. And sometimes people have to go out of there way a bit to facilitate what is best for the child and to be reasonable to requests.[/quote]
The request is completely unreasonable though and not in the child's best interests at all.

Mumdiva99 · 09/01/2021 19:46

@wunwun the parent has moved 2 hours away....the child will be doing the journey whoever drives it..... that wasn't the point of my comment. (I personally, would never move 2 hours from my kids.....that's a whole different question.....I was just saying that I felt for the mum to drives 35 minutes while the dad does 1 hour 25 minutes seems a fair request from him...
You'll.also see in my original comment that I didn't agree it should be every weekend...)

WunWun · 09/01/2021 19:50

It's not reasonable to make a child travel that far every other weekend.

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