Advice from mums with more than one child please

[CouldntThinkOfAUsrname]

Hi all

I’m currently debating whether or not to have another child (currently have one 16 week old son).

Pros:
It’s another little human to nurture and to love and to watch them grow
Would give my baby boy a sibling to grow up with
I’ve always wanted more than one child

Cons:
My partner isn’t as hands on as id like him to be and I find it exhausting doing the majority of childcare
Childbirth was horrific for me
I’m pretty sure I had/have PND (I cried everyday for the first 10 weeks or so of baby’s life - convinced I was doing a rubbish job at every aspect)
Sleep deprivation is hell
My body (specifically my vagina and boobs) are ruined which makes me feel like crap
I worry about baby all the time - it would be that worry x2
Increased financial pressure

What are your experiences? Is it harder or worth it all in the end? How did you know if/when to go for it?

Op, our babies are nearly the same age. My DD2 will be 16 weeks on Monday. I always knew I wanted more than one. DD1 was an unexpected arrival very early in our relationship so DH and I wanted to make sure we were all set (house, married, career jobs) before having any more. It then took us just over a year to conceive. DD1 will be 7 at the end of this month. That’s a bigger age gap than I would have liked but both DDs are besotted with each other. DD1 gets the biggest smiles out of DD2 without even trying. Their relationship is wonderful to see.

I am already starting to feel like I’d quite like a third. The difference is that I’m so much more relaxed this time. DD2 sleeps better and I am much more calm in my parenting. We lived with my parents for DD1 and now don’t so I actually have less help now. DH is very hands on though. I wouldn’t accept anything less and we certainly wouldn’t have had more if he wasn’t.

Looking at your cons:

My partner isn’t as hands on as id like him to be and I find it exhausting doing the majority of childcare - He needs to start pulling his weight now. Tell him what you expect help with and then leave him to it. Don’t expect him to magically change with a second child when your workload increases.
Childbirth was horrific for me My births were both very different. First was really long and second was really quick. I was 8cm by the time I got to the hospital. I recovered much better from the second one and, even though it was really scary on the journey to the hospital, I would choose that labour again.
I’m pretty sure I had/have PND (I cried everyday for the first 10 weeks or so of baby’s life - convinced I was doing a rubbish job at every aspect) This is a concern. Please go and speak to your doctor. You won’t be labelled as a bad mum. They will get you the help you need to see you’re doing a great job.
Sleep deprivation is hell Yes it is. DD2 sleeps much better than DD1 did.
My body (specifically my vagina and boobs) are ruined which makes me feel like crap You had a baby 16 weeks ago. Give yourself a break! My boobs don’t look the same as before I had DD1 but downstairs all went back to the way it was before. Pelvic floor exercises!
I worry about baby all the time - it would be that worry x2 Worrying is part of parenting but I am less worried about the little things with DD2. I was so anxious with DD1 that I didn’t leave her with anyone until she was nearly a year old. I’m still uncomfortable leaving her overnight with anyone other than my parents (they know her as well as we do). I’ll probably feel the same with DD2 but I don’t panic in the same way as I did the first time.
Increased financial pressure This was my biggest worry. Luckily, we had everything left over from when DD1 was a baby. We only had furniture and a travel system to buy (our first one got ruined). Now I’m on maternity leave, the money is tight. When I go back to work though, we’ll be much better off again. My DM looks after DD1 after school and will have DD2 so I’m very fortunate to not need to pay for childcare.

Thank you all for your input - it’s lots of food for thought xx

@CouldntThinkOfAUsrname

Hi all

I’m currently debating whether or not to have another child (currently have one 16 week old son).

Pros:
It’s another little human to nurture and to love and to watch them grow
Would give my baby boy a sibling to grow up with
I’ve always wanted more than one child

Cons:
My partner isn’t as hands on as id like him to be and I find it exhausting doing the majority of childcare
Childbirth was horrific for me
I’m pretty sure I had/have PND (I cried everyday for the first 10 weeks or so of baby’s life - convinced I was doing a rubbish job at every aspect)
Sleep deprivation is hell
My body (specifically my vagina and boobs) are ruined which makes me feel like crap
I worry about baby all the time - it would be that worry x2
Increased financial pressure

What are your experiences? Is it harder or worth it all in the end? How did you know if/when to go for it?

I have two children.

I can't really answer as everyone is individual, but I just wanted to say I think all your points are completely normal. All things I think everyone, if not the vast majority of people think about.