7 yo having " Bad thoughts" How to deal?

[yefh]

Dc ( 7) has just started saying he is having bad thoughts pop in his head. When I have asked what these are they have ranged from I wanted to break something on purpose to I don't care about you and daddy and I want to kill you!

Is this just an attention seeking stage? He has had a lot to cope with during pandemic ( as have we all) but he is our only child and has been isolating and then on lockdown and largely on his own whilst we have been working full time from home in very demanding roles so had lots of screen time and tv.

Is this something to worry about or is it a normal phase ? How should I deal with it ?

I'd want an expert opinion on that tbh, call your GP?

Tell him that you've looked it up and thoughts are just thoughts, sometimes weird ones pop into our heads - the more we feel horrified by them and try not to think them, the more they pop in - instead, he could think of them as 'passengers on a bus' complaining and threatening and being grouchy and annoying but at the end of the day he's the bus driver, the bus goes where he wants to go, not where the annoying passengers (thoughts) are saying.
Tell him that you and him are going to figure out a list of things that will be good for his wellbeing (nice things in a routine, getting outdoors, pursuing an interest, a book to read before bed, a boardgame to play). And all of that stuff, plus you attending carefully to his anxiety and increasing his sense of containment, will help the intrusive thoughts reduce. Good books might be 'Starving The Anxiety Gremlin' or 'Helping your child overcome fears and worries'

Disclaimer I am not an expert but that sounds like a cry for attention to me. Is there any flexibility for you to alternate working evenings or weekend days so you can spend more time with him, or to take holiday/unpaid leave? Can you get him doing something structured like Joe Wickes or school work or follow an online art lesson while you're in the same room working so he feels a bit less alone even if doesn't have your full attention. Excessive screen time / lack of outdoor time can really alter the mood of some children.

It's normal for children with certain personalities at times of stress - but becomes a problem if the stress continues, or parents respond to the thought content rather than the underlying anxiety, or if the child tries to control the thoughts with obsessive behaviours (which makes them worse and leads to OCD). Speak to the school nurse (they will be working in lockdown unless redeployed to covid wards but your school can advise)

I recommend you have a look at some books about emotions for kids. There are loads available for different ages and interests. Google "Wokingham" and "Recommended Books for Parents On Children’s Emotions and Feelings and Resilience" and you can see a range of recommendations. The book by Molly how are you feeling today? is good.

Then use such resources start having chats about worry, sadness, anger in context and help him learn what is OK, how to cope with each other etc. I'd do this first, checking in regularly on how it's going then get advice if he is still unhappy.

@yefh my 5 yo went through this. He was getting upset about thinking bad things, he thought it made him bad. He was getting upset for because he was thinking certain people were fat (we'd talked to him previously about how saying someone is fat is unkind), he was also thinking that he didn't love certain people etc...

I just reassured him (quite a few times!) that thoughts are just thoughts and they can't hurt anyone and everyone thinks bad thoughts sometimes but it doesn't make them bad people. It ended up being a bit of a phase and he hasn't actually mentioned it in ages.

I think it's hard for children because we tell them that it's not nice / right to say or do certain things and it's a big concept to get their heads around that what they think within their own mind, is not the same as actually saying or doing these not nice things.

Oh wow op, my 5 year old going through exactly the same thing. Bad thoughts and worried that makes her a bad person. More worrying for me was that as well as bad thoughts in terms of insults to people, she also said every time she lies in bed and thinks of something nice her brain turns it into something bad eg. Thinking of Shaun the sheep and suddenly imagining the farmer running the sheep over with a tractor!
I've dealt with the latter by saying rewrite the story in your head and turn it back into something nice because you can control your imagination. If she's stuck, to tell me and we'll turn it into a nice thing together. With the former, ie insults to people I've said, as a pp, that thoughts aren't the same as saying it out loud. Hoping it's just a phase. Last night she woke up crying because she thought she'd said the f word out loud and now couldn't stop it going round her head. We lay there and thought of as many other words beginning with f as we could. 😐 Distraction, distraction, distraction!