Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Help! 4 yr old DS has never managed a poo on the toilet & he starts school in jan!!!

29 replies

maclady · 26/10/2007 10:19

Never posted before but I can see there's wealth of good advice out there , so please can someone advise me.
My DS was 4 in July and is due to start school in Jan but has never managed to do a poo on the toilet yet.

He is fine with wee's and will happily take himself to the toilet, no help needed whatsoever, so I know he's not scared of sitting on the loo.

He has been very late developmentally in lots of things such as talking, getting himself dressed & generally doing anything for himself. The potty training took some doing too but we are there now with wee, but just not with poo.

Up until recently, he would poo in his pants wherever we were, but recently he has started holding on until he has his night time nappy on, so this is a plus in my opinion (less messy!) but still not the ideal.
I have tried the angry mum routine, the 'never mind, don't worry' thing and the no-reaction thing - none of which seem to have any effect on him.
Is the fact that he is pooing in his night-time nappy a step in the right direction. Do you think it will eventually just click for him?

Pre-school have been brilliant about it and have been willing to try anything I have suggested so that we are all doing the same thing consistently. I have tried star charts, chocolate bribery etc but nothing has worked so far.

I'm just worried about it happening at school in Jan. I know at the moment he is managing to hold on until evening time, but sometimes you just have to go when you need to go.
To be honest, he is quite lazy in lots of ways, or maybe it's a power struggle between me and him?

All suggestions gratefully received......thank you!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hedgepig · 27/10/2007 21:30

hi does he poo every day but just in a nappy? I suspect he would be very unlikely to do anything at school and wait until he gets home.

My DS also 4 who stated in school in sept holds them for days and will only go when he feels secure. Before he started school he was wetting lots but school seems to have helped. I think they just march then off at regular intervals

beboo · 27/10/2007 21:40

Hi! DS2 aged 3, so a bit younger, but has completely got the hang of going for a wee during the day and often takes himself but poo is a completely different matter!! He has managed to go in the loo a couple of times but I think that was from luck rather than judgement. Never had this problem with DD (aged 6) and DS1 who's 4 - any advice would also be gratefully received on this one - completely empathise with you maclady!

hedgepig · 27/10/2007 22:01

my DS was never bothered by being wet or dirty even when he was a a baby and I think it has just carried on to toilet training. After a year of tearing my hair out over toilet training I have come to the conclusion they will do it in their own time when the want to!!! Maclady don't worry about school, I was so stressed before he went, and it all turned out OK.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Nightynight · 27/10/2007 23:00

my dd is the same with pooing. She is nearly 4, and is in the kindergarten. She hasnt yet pooed in her pants there, she holds it until she gets home. She is only there during the mornings.

dramaqueen · 27/10/2007 23:10

My ds had lots of issues around pooing, mainly being constipated, but would only poo in a nappy. This is when he was 3.5 by the way. He saw a psychologist who told us to put him on the toilet straight after his supper every day without fail. We bought him a Leapster here so that he would not get bored. He sat on the loo for about 20-30 minutes each day and eventually poo'd. 3 Years later and this is still his routine. He has never poo'd at school. The psychologist told us that you can train their bowels to go at that time each day if you are persistent enough.

Hope some of that helps.

LongMeg · 27/10/2007 23:15

Dd was the same - until she was well over 4 she would only ever poo in a nappy, at a particular time of day and standing in a particular room (never the toilet!).

She always held on to it - and even now, aged 6.5, she won't poo anywhere other than our own loo. If your son is hanging onto his poo for his night nappy, chances are he will hang onto it at school too - lots of children do.

The only thing that works is time. Once he's ready (and it may be that he's ready physically but not emotionally) he'll get on with it - until then the only thing that worked for us was the softly, softly approach. Shouting and getting cross made things worse, bribery didn't work - only easing up on her and letting her do it at her own pace.

We let dd know that she could always ask for a nappy for a poo, which seemed to make her a bit more relaxed about it, and she settled into a routine of always having a nappy for a poo before her bath.

hedgepig · 27/10/2007 23:17

dramaqueen that is interesting. DS has been constipated for a long time, we have been giving him lactuose for 3 months and have had some improvements. Hadn't thought of getting him to sit at the same time each day. Was it difficult to get to see a psychologist? I'm convinced that my sons constipation is that he hold it in rather than diet

dramaqueen · 27/10/2007 23:27

We moved house after he had been constipated for 10 months, hedgepig, and therefore changed health authorities. The second one was excellent and referred us straight away to the constipation clinic at the local hospital. It is run by a team of community nurses. We went there with very low expectations but the amount of advice they had to offer us was huge. We thought we had tried eveything but they were so helpful. As part of the 'package' they offered us a consultation with the paediatric psychologist who told us that it was all in his head (which we had begun to think already). She gave us some strategies to try and that, together with changing his medicine, worked. We are still gradually weaning him off the medicine but still have to be careful to make him 'go' at his alloted time.

Apparantly most hospitals have some sort of constipation clinic, and many GPs are unaware. I can't beleive we battled with it for so long with a useless GP before moving. Get your GP to do some research or phone the local hospital yourself and check it out.

SittingBull · 27/10/2007 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stleger · 27/10/2007 23:28

It is 10 years since my ds was putting us through this! We solved it by letting him use the potty rather than the toilet - he was 5 - every evening just before bedtime, as he was and remains a 'nighttime kind of guy'. He will still hold it in over a weekend, and will use our en suite for preference. Longer holidays are still problematic as he needs personal space. Good luck, I know it can be a strangely difficult time. Knowing I was not the only one with this would have helped me - it seems to be as common as bedwetting! But not really discussed.

colditz · 27/10/2007 23:31

SittingBull that is the most fabulous example of childrearing I have come across this week./ Kudos!

SittingBull · 27/10/2007 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

colditz · 27/10/2007 23:39

brilliant though, sheer brilliance!

Niecie · 27/10/2007 23:55

My DS did the same thing and went to school still using the potty for a poo. In fact I think he managed it for the whole of his first year until he physically couldn't fit on the toilet any more. He was getting his bottom stuck and tipping up the potty every time he tried to stand up so it had to go. He used to hold on to it all day and never did one at school or in his pants come to that. Just as well as he didn't do one at school though as we didn't manage to get him to wipe his own bottom either for a very long time.

I don't really know what did it in the end other than we actually took the potty away. We gave him plenty of warning that we were going to do it but that is what it came down to in the end.

You may find that he is less worried about doing it at school than you might think as they tend to have smaller, child sized toilets which are less scary, if fear is part of the problem.

But it is right, they do do it in their own time.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 28/10/2007 00:02

god sittingbull well done
you may choose a present from the tub

SittingBull · 28/10/2007 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HunkOLantern · 28/10/2007 00:29

SittingBull, I think I love you.

SittingBull · 28/10/2007 01:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Neverenoughpumpkins · 28/10/2007 01:12

This is very common in small children but particularly in little boys.
Don't worry, just accomodate him as bets you can unless it causes significant problems.
He will sort it himself in all likelihood.

Nightynight · 28/10/2007 09:26

Am now pondering using SittingBull's idea for dd. One big Playmobil set, with each piece wrapped separately, perhaps....

Original poster

maclady · 28/10/2007 18:22

Thanks everyone for your brilliant suggestions, especially sitting bull. Great idea to have some visual reward for him, just out of reach. Will definitely give that a go.

He did a small poo today in his pants and then came and told me there was more coming. I cleaned him up, put him in a nappy, 1/2 hour later BIG poo emerged, cleaned him up and then back in big boy pants. This is a massive step in right direction, so am very pleased

He generally is an evening / early morning creature of habit, so I think you are right (those of you who suggested that school probably won't be an issue) - he'll just hang on till he gets home with any luck.

Thanks for all your advise and support - I will back off, be a 'mellow' mummy and let it happen in his own time (with a little help from visual bribery!) It's great to know that it's just another one of those tiny (yet HUGE) problems that lots of parents experience. I'm sure I'll look back soon and wonder what all the fuss was about!

I'll keep you posted and thanks again!

OP posts:

MunkyNuts · 29/10/2007 13:30

Maclady, I´ve heard that some children are happier to poo in the potty if it is lined with a nappy. You could try that initially if he really doesn´t want to go to the loo, and use Sittingbull´s wonderful present strategy as well. Then eventually get him to poo in the potty without the nappy in it, then progress to the loo... Good luck!

Piggy · 29/10/2007 13:34

Sitting Bull - you are a wonderful woman. I am desparate about ds1 (3 last week) and his total and uter lack of interest in potty training. Your method sounds wonderful. Thank you!

Madsometimes · 04/11/2007 16:22

My daughter was the same. Always pooed at night in a nappy, standing up in the same corner of the room. It was really important for no one to be looking at her. When I tried to take the nappy away she would hold onto her poo for days, and then come down with toddler diarrhea. The problem did sort out when she dropped her night nappy altogether (age 3.5). It wasn't overnight, and I did have to put her in a nappy for a poo when she had no other need of them. I seem to remember putting her potty in the same corner and not looking at her. Sometimes I even let her go under a blanket, which she thought was hilarious fun. When she had finally figured it out, her favourite thing was too look at her doings. The next hurdle was to move from the potty to the toilet, which also took about a year She preferred the small school ones to home ones, and needed a toddler toilet seat. She's seven now, and is still totally private for poo, but unconcerned for wee.

ttsmum · 13/11/2007 11:45

I'm going to try the "pick a present" suggestion. My DS is 3 at the end of November. He is definitely not potty trained yet and we have been trying since the beginning of September. Wee's are somewhat there, although only if we make sure he goes to the potty or toilet very regularly, however poos are a complete disaster. He has never pooed in either the potty or the toilet for us and is not usually a bribeable child however this idea might just work. Star charts did not impress him at all, and chocolate buttons don't do anything for him either At the moment he just demands to be changed when he has soiled his pants. The other day after sitting on the potty for about 10 minutes being encouraged to do a poo, he then proceeded to soil his pants under a minute after coming off the potty. So, getting desparate as I'm dealing with at least 2 pooey pants a day at the moment....

I will let you know......

Flip

1 2