What is your style of parenting?

[Cash02]

I’m having an afternoon dip and need something to wake me up a bit.
How do YOU parent?
Do you follow a particular style or a mix of styles?
Do you not think about it and go with the flow?
Are there things as a parent that you absolutely will do, and things you’ll avoid?
This is pure curiosity, I don’t feel any way about any style of parenting.
My little one is turning one in a few months, as she gets older I’m thinking more about the way I want her to see me and the way I raise her, so far we’ve done a mix of traditional and naturalistic (sorry I hate that word) approach, I plan to breastfeed for a good while longer, i babywore, I didn’t really push milestones although she’s was always horribly ahead of them all, however she was spoon fed, started on purées (shock and horror) and was always in her cot, unless I woke up in the morning and she was in bed with me
This thread isn’t for a certain age of child, from baby to stinking teenager, I wanna hear it all.

My children are young adults/teens now. I would say if I had to give my parenting style a name it is probably attachment parenting though I didn't know that initially. I didn't even have a computer when I had my eldest and I never read any books on the subject so I didn't know that what I was doing had a name until years later. And I am sure the purists would say that I am not really AP anyway as I worked outside the home and my children went to nursery. But I breastfed til self weaning, co slept, used a sling etc so ticked quite a lot of the AP boxes. Never really bothered about routines. Lots of my friends told me that I was making a rod for my own back but it looked to me like they were - they never did anything spontaneous any more because that would have meant breaking the sacred routine. That degree of rigid routine would not have suited us at all.
In some ways we are fairly strict. We certainly haven't let our children do whatever they please, but we have always tried to have reasoned dialogue with them and to take their feelings and opinions into consideration. It seems to have worked out pretty well anyway, though of course there's no saying that doing things differently wouldn't have worked out ok too.

I knew nothing about children when I had my first. Nothing. No nieces/nephews, no friends with children, nothing.

My only approach to parenting was to let them 'be'. I didn't mould them or shape them.

I was rigid on 'time out', but mostly allowed negotiation - yes, even with a 3 year old.

They're now very confident and outgoing - that's all their natural personalities.

I did involve them in a lot of extracurricular activities from age 4. Speech and Drama, 2 forms of dance, a musical instrument, sport.

I'm not 'big on' academia. I want them to be happy, not drones from Dickens' Hard Times.

I only breastfed for a few weeks as I loathed it.

I was strict on diet - not much shite given.

I was extremely rigid on sleeping. It was the 'cry it out' method I suppose, though not much crying was done.

In lockdown? Wing in and try to survive 😂

Mine are pre-teen / teens now. I think I'm a fairly relaxed parent without too many rules. I do think it's important to get enough sleep though, so they have an earlier bedtime than many of their friends. I also really support extra curricular activities, so they all do lots of sport, music etc (not at the moment obviously).

Love your post @plumpootle 

I just have one child, aged 2. I agree with @plumpootle that our children are our equals, of course we must guide and teach right from wrong, and safety. I respect my child so much and feel I've learnt so much more from her than she has from me.

As we are 'one and done' and she's not getting the interaction with other small people as much as she should (thanks covid!), I try to be her playmate as well as her mum. So we playfight like siblings, where we grab things from each other and shout MINE which she thinks is hilarious (I have some time to unteach this ). I try to be silly with her every day.

We are ridiculously affectionate, so many cuddles. I want her to feel 100% accepted and loved throughout her life. I am from a big family and although we all love each other, I felt pretty overlooked throughout my childhood. I was beaten when naughty as a child, and teased by male family members as a preteen, both of which somewhat contributed to my long term eating issues (pregnancy cured me overnight).

I'm very aware of mental health having suffered myself, and this is a huge worry for my child's future, but I hope to cultivate a very close relationship with her so she always feels she can talk to me. There's things I daren't say to my own DM (although we do have a good relationship) or confide in her about and I find that sad. I'd hate for my daughter to feel she couldn't tell me something for fear of being judged or worrying I'd take it the wrong way.

I have a few books on the go which probably indicate the kind of parent I want to be - The Conscious Parent, How to talk so Little Kids will Listen, Calm Parents Happy Kids, The Book you Wish your parents had read, Raising Girls etc

My style: look after them, nurture them and love them.

Not sure why a parent’s approach to parenting needs to be labelled? Surely we all just do the best we can.

Winging it, mainly.

I came here to say mostly winging it and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one!

My DS is 19. I've always been an instinctive parent. I was given Gina Ford's book by a friend when he was born and had thrown it out of the window within a week. Looking back, I realise that I learned my parenting style from my parents, but there was no conscious 'plan'.

Mine is helicopter style in many ways. Very anxious and always close by. I baby wore and co slept and could never stand any sort of crying so mine were all picked up and cuddled practically before they opened their mouths so no kind of sleep training was ever done.
Dd7 doesn't go to peoples houses for play dates alone and isn't allowed to play in the street etc. Even at the park I'm hovering under the climbing frame while other mums sit on the benches or grass.
I'm rubbish with food and making sure they eat their fruit and veg though. I don't worry too much about that sort of thing.

Thanks all for your replies, I’ve really enjoyed seeing how other people’s families work!
I only gave a label in my initial post so people could get an Idea of what I currently do without naming everything.
I’ve never done, probably won’t ever do sleep training just for me personally I’d happily feed her to sleep till she decides otherwise.
I don’t plan on following any particular style, I just enjoy reading into styles of parenting/education.
I think because I didn’t have the best childhood I try and make sure I’m doing the right thing, although in parenthood there isn’t really such a thing!

I only have one 5 month old so I'm still very much figuring things out and I will probably change my approach many times!

Right now I'd sum my style up as 'whatever works'. I very much wanted to breastfeed and was really devastated when I wasn't able to (and I tried really really hard). I do other 'attachmment' things though, we cosleep much of the time- I was really anxious about the safety aspect but it turned out to be the only way any of us were getting any sleep so it happened, now she starts off in her next to me type crib but will inevitably end up in with me at some point. I don't see her moving out of.our bedroom any time soon. I've never left her with anyone apart from her dad briefly - obviously that's been influenced by lockdown but I've a feeling I would have been similar anyway. I want her near me as much as possible and I think that's normal at this stage. She contact naps because it ensures she gets enough sleep and I can't be arsed trying to 'train' her out of it when we both like it and I feel she'll let me know when she's ready to be more independent. I baby wear sometimes around the house if I need to get on with things, but will also happily plonk her in her bouncy chair or under the play gym whilst I get on with stuff as long as she's happy. Likewise I use the sling for some walks and the pram for others, whatever makes the most sense for what we are going to be doing.

She sleeps well at night in the main. I have no intention of sleep training I'm happy to feed and rock to sleep and I will never do any form of cry it out. I want her to know I'm there for her if she needs me whenever that is. I don't really believe in 'bad habits' and I don't see the point of doing something that makes life harder now because it might make her sleep better down the line. I don't have a strict routine I'm just led by her for when to feed, when she needs to sleep etc.

I want to be a gentle, responsive parent. As an Early Years teacher I have visions of using what works well in my classroom but I'm sure it will be a different story at times.

There will be an awful lot of things I will do differently to my own mum but she can't have got it too wrong given how close we ended up and what fun we had together. I hope I have a similar relationship with my.daughter as she grows.

Mine would largely come under therapeutic parenting, it works really well for us.

Due to my sons needs somethings just wouldn’t be suitable for me to use, such as time out, ignoring etc. He has a fear based view of the world, so high structure and a high nurturing environment are very important.

Well mine were young I said.
Cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, clothusing mum.
Now they are older I try to go with the flow.

I formula fed, hes never slept in my bed , he stays with relatives overnight a fair bit. Suppose for some people that makes me a bit crap but I'm a person not just a mother.

Hes also not potty trained at 3.3 despite numerous tries. Maybe I'm a lazy mum

You just have to pick and choose what gets you through the tough early years.

For me, this was extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, carrying babies in a sling and BLW. Having no routine, no timings and no faffing with equipment in the early days suited me and my babies (I think I have undiagnosed ADHD/ASD). Went back to my teaching job 4 days when they were getting on for a year old.

Now they're 8 and 4. DS1 has Aspergers but copes well on the whole with routines and transitions. I don't sweat the small stuff and praise good behaviour, but also implement boundaries where needed. We eat together, and chat about meaning of life/current affairs/music/whatever. They have a fair amount of screen time, but we also do lots of reading and trips to museums etc (when not on lockdown). We get out once a day for exercise, and they have access to musical instruments etc.

I'm basically lazy but engaged, if that's a thing.