Getting 11 year old motivated to study

[Imtootired]

I am in Australia and it is our long holidays. My son does quite well in his school work and often scores very high in reading comprehension, spelling and maths. His teacher asked if he would be sitting the test for selective government high schools next year so I have booked him into that. I found a tutor online because most people putting their kids in the test will have already been preparing them for a long time. The tutor wasn’t great. He wasn’t really encouraging and said that my son and his friends that he was doing it with were very behind for this test. I do agree with him but his style of teaching wasn’t really helping the situation. My sons writing is quite messy but the main problem is attitude and lack of effort. He can grasp quite complicated maths but can’t find the motivation to get to a good level of basic mental maths which slows him down (he did get an A in maths at school). He is clever but I think that selective high schools are for kids who enjoy learning and want to challenge themselves. I have found another tutor who seems a lot nicer from the conversations we’ve had but haven’t had a session yet. I’ve told my son that if he doesn’t put the effort in himself then I won’t help him or pay for more tutoring. For example he left the creative writing he was supposed to do for the last tutoring session until the night before and was then having tantrums, ruining my night and disturbing his baby brother. I think I will have to say that if he wants to do the test and have a good chance of doing well he will need to do 20 minutes reading a day, 20 minutes mental maths practice and worksheets and copying one page neatly from a novel including the punctuation. And I think I will say that he will need to set an alarm for the same time everyday and if we’re out do it when we come home. There is no point doing it if he doesn’t have the drive and want to do the best he can. But I will feel extremely bad if we have talked about the test and then just give up and I don’t know if that’s a good lesson. I don’t know what to do. It’s ruining our holidays

I think I posted at the wrong time for responses! Can anyone please give me advice

Does he want the selective school or do you?

@Harrysmummy246

Does he want the selective school or do you?

This. Where does he want to go to school?

Well, he's 11... he probably needs a bit of guidance at this stage?

I just want him to go to a school that will be good for him. If he really doesn’t want to go that’s fine but I feel like it’s a shame to just give up and not take the chance because of lack of effort. I worry that giving up is a bad message

This is why I am thinking of giving him a chance to do it himself and if he can’t be bothered to improve his writing maths and reading for an hour a day we won’t worry about it. I was just wondering if 20 mins maths, 20 mins reading and copying one page from a novel sounds reasonable? I think that should be enough to improve but it’s not too harsh taking all his time. If the new tutor sets different work then I can adjust. I think I really just need to tell him “if you want to do it you need to do it yourself” because I can’t cope with excuses all day anymore and forcing him.

An hour a day sounds okay I think. I'm not sure that an 11 year old would have the foresight and wisdom to apply himself all summer without ongoing 'encouragement' though. Maybe some would, mine wouldn't anyway! Certainly discuss with him why the study is important, and see if he agrees, but I don't think you can then let him entirely to his own devices at his age. My DS of a similar age is quite academic, but wants to get through homework as fast as possible. He would not be a fan of extra work either.

Would working towards a reward help to motivate him perhaps? I know you don't want to be nagging or fighting with him about it, which is wise.

I guess you do need to decide whether the new school is the right fit for him too. I'd be making this decision myself, though with imput from DC obviously. Is it worth the extra work and hassle? If his teacher has suggested he sit the test it sounds like the school may be a good fit for him, I suppose. What do you think? Also - If he sits the exam but doesn't get a place...how will this affect his self- esteem etc?
Good luck OP.

Oh course I would encourage him still and rewards are a very good idea. I think I will say that we aim for the test but even if he doesn’t get into a selective school with the extra work he has put in he will be well set up for the next few years at school. In the last standardised test he did at school he was in the top 15-20% of children his age but only roughly the top 5% will get in to a selective school so I don’t want him to feel bad if he doesn’t get in but I feel it’s worth putting some effort in and giving it a try.
Thanks @LizzieAnt