How do you stop losing your shit on a daily basis???

[Mamabearwhere]

I know the whole world is going through a shitty time with Covid and school closures etc but I’d really appreciate some help on how to stay calm during the day with the kids. I have a 6 and 4 year old, schools are shut and remote learning from this week. I work 4 days a week so it’s going to be a real shit show trying to juggle it all. Husband works a stressful full time jobs too and tries to help when he can.

I feel like all I am doing is shouting at my kids all day long (when they’re not watching tv). As a result they’re also misbehaving more and it’s just a vicious cycle and I hate it. I just find I have zero interest or energy in doing anything fun with them anymore, I’ve had enough of being a fun and creative mum and I just wish they’d play together quietly and leave me alone to work. We try to go for a walk once a day but they’re becoming more and more resistant to leaving the house.

Any suggestions on what you’re doing with your kids to keep them occupied would be great.

Watching with great interest

Sorry sent too soon. Basically I'm in a similar situation, I don't work, but I have a 11 months old which feels like work and a 5 year old. I lose my shit on a daily basis too, so you are not alone...

I think the main thing you need to do is pick your battles and lower your standards. Hopefully it won’t be for long and they are young enough to catch up on school when things settle.
No harm in TV or iPad time and actually how else can you work? Well done getting out for a daily walk, keep that up. Make sure you read to/with each child in the evenings but apart from that try not to worry.

2.5 year old and work full time and study as well. I cried the other night at thought we might loose childcare.
I hate being so angry at him for being a normal willful toddler, as its not his fault but it's impossible!!!

@SnowmanDrinkingSnowballs I have definitely lowered my standards by almost 90%! They watch hours of tv and iPad so I can do enough work not to get fired where before it was tv on Fridays and weekends.

My issue is I am so irritable, even a “mummmmmmyyyy” drives me mad. Normal sibling rivalry drives me insane (where before I could ignore it a bit). I was already shouting 10 minutes after we woke up today because they were bickering.

I just want a few hours of silence. Which right now is impossible.

Is there anyway they could have a device/tv each to reduce the sibling rivalry?

Not dissimilar here, same age kids, well, 6 and 3.5. Luckily I'm off today so not trying to work, and atm school is back tomorrow. But what I wanted to say was, 123 magic has helped make me less shouty. I think it's given me an alternative approach to reach for. Basically anything that you want then to stop, you give a count for. A 3 gets them a time out in their room. You don't even have to say anything first. Ds was leaping 4' from the sofa to arm chair earlier. Ds, that's a 1. That's a 2. That's a 3, time out. Dd who is 6 will often stop at a 1. But I mainly use it for her never ending back chat! It's stopped me shouting as much for sure.

Also and this one is more difficult, I'm realising they're just not doing enough. The more screens we allow, the worse their behaviour and moods. They also stop sleeping. And I need them to go to sodding bed and sleep through!!! When we can, we do a walk, a scooter, and a bunch of indoor games, every day! Like musical bumps, hide and seek, wrestling!!!

It's hard work though, they are bored, lethargic, it's cold and dark, they don't want to go out.

Op can I steal you to ask have got an app recommendations for this age group 🤔 looking for an engaging game.

I hear you. We have been on full lockdown and homeschooling since the October holidays (not in UK). It's been hard work. I have 2 primary aged and 2 pre-schoolers. The pre-schoolers are very happy because they are getting a lot of cartoons every morning because it's the only way I can get enough peace for the older 2 to do what they have to do.

Getting out for a walk/bike ride/sledging each day at some point is an essential part of staying sane and healthy for me, but my kids are really difficult about it too. I have basically resorted to bribery - if they come out without complaining, I will always bring some sweets or cookies for them. It isn't ideal, but it works, and it's better than staying in the house all day.

School work is done in the morning. If it isn't done by 11am we go out anyway, and it has to be tagged onto the next day's. If there is still a backlog on Friday then they have to catch up over the weekend. They had to do this the hard way a few times. It was grim for all of us, but they mainly keep up now (the work load isn't really very demanding, just they put a lot of energy into trying to avoid it).

We watch a movie and have popcorn after tea most evenings- unless they refuse to eat tea or do something really terrible to each other.

We play a lot more boardgames with them than we used to.

Honestly it does all feel a bit joyless, and all the rewards are based on watching cartoons/movies and eating unhealthily but nothing else seems to work any more. Very much hoping to get back to school next week.

Oh God, I need to know this too! My DC are between 2-7 years old. Giving them screen time allows me to wfh more effectively but leads to massive meltdowns over the tiniest non-screen activity. Keeping them off screen means I can't concentrate on my work.

It's tough going, mine are a little older than yours so a bit more self sufficient. I've found some things that make it a little more bearable for all of us, one is that there will be times when DH takes the kids and I get some time to myself (eg. He'll go on a walk with them) and vice versa. To calm the kids down we also try to put in some one to one time with them, so DS will get 10 mins of time with me alone one weekend, while DD gets 10 mins with DH, then we swap the next week.

Means they aren't so needy - they still are fairly needy but it lessens it slightly.

I won't say these things work miracles, but they take the edge off for all of us.

Ignore their bickering unless it becomes physical.
Only be happy (fake it if you have to), positive, if you feel something aggravating you about a situ take a deep breath before you speak then choose calm and kind words.
The less you shout the less your kids will annoy you. That’s the theory anyway. It works a lot of the time for me.
Ds14 tests my patience on a daily basis but I choose to remain calm.
It’s all easier said than done obviously by it’s how I try to live my life.

I never shout. A lot of this is due to being in a bit of a privileged situation (on maternity leave, large house and garden, pretty chilled kids).

I really recommend the book How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. But you probably don't have time for a book right now, so I would be happy to share tips if you have any specific examples of incidents that led to shouting?

On the whole, I'd do what it takes to keep everyone safe and get your essential work done (TV, liberal use of annual leave etc.) and then have your next priority be not shouting. Like, put that above screen time, healthy eating, going for a walk or home schooling. If I can't do it without shouting, then, to me, it's more important not to shout at my kids than it is to do most anything else.

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I hear ya! I only have one child. I work full time

I have the same issue re tv and screen time. Not wanting to leave the house. Me shouting and child being naughty to get my attention. Roll on summer. At least we can use the garden

I’m scrolling through the mumsnet posts wondering why no one is losing their shit over the school closures??!!! I sobbed all night haha.

I have no advice, I’m struggling just as much, just trying to get outside for fresh air and exercise whenever possible.

If feels like it now but it’s not forever 😀